It seems that a key aspect of TMS recovery, if not THE key aspect, is to be "at peace" with physical problems. With this in mind, I've tried to consciously steer my thoughts toward positivity regarding TMS and the associated problems. I've tried not to feel sorry for myself, have tried to think of a positive future. I try to look at my present limitations as just a temporary state that will yield to something better. I try to steer myself away from feeling down.
Out of nowhere, I'll sometimes be seized by depression/anxiety regarding my condition. My latest tactic is to simply experience this somewhat, and let it drift through me. It's a tough balancing act between allowing myself to experience these emotions and dwelling in negativity. Trying to "look on the bright side" often feels like an act of repression.
I have started seriously meditating, after having been away from it for quite some time. As is always the case when I delve deep into meditation, I feel profoundly worse over the next day or two prior to feeling better. I believe that this period of feeling worse is a catharsis during which negative thoughts and attitudes are worked out of the mind, to be replaced by something more positive.
Most recently, my experience of feeling worse manifested in feeling profound anger regarding not only my great difficulties in walking as a result of weakness and stiffness, but also the incredible length of time I've been trying to walk properly again. Furthermore, I'd just stopped using a walker all the time, and was spending some time walking without it. Unfortunately, I bent my toes backwards as a result of slipping off of an outdoor walkway between my front door and my car. As a result of this, I have not been able to exercise my feet. My modest gain of walking 100 feet in a pool is something I can't do at this point. Frankly, for all I know, this pain could be TMS to some degree, but I can't know this. It seems unwise to push through this pain.
How am I supposed to feel about these things? To say that I feel fine with hardly being able to walk, and bending my toes backwards, would be a lie. I completed the six week program about a year ago, and am still struggling with TMS.
At one point in my TMS journey, I tried to differentiate between pain from real injuries as opposed to TMS pain. I realized that I couldn't differentiate, and instead tried to experience all pain as a neutral sensation, devoid of emotional encumbrance. In some ways, this has worked. I've managed to decrease mini panic attacks that accompany pain. As I mentioned though, I'm frustrated and hurt by my predicament. At this point, I'm thinking that perhaps the path forward has nothing to do with my attitude toward pain, but rather with my attitude toward life. Perhaps it's natural to feel upset when in pain. After all, who doesn't? Is the answer instead just to process my reactions toward pain, complete with fear, anger, frustration, etc., and let these emotions play out over days or weeks, while just keeping a hopeful eye toward the future?
Is recovery essentially just having a positive outlook toward life, and nothing else?
If this is not the answer, maybe someone can offer some advice.
Thanks.
Out of nowhere, I'll sometimes be seized by depression/anxiety regarding my condition. My latest tactic is to simply experience this somewhat, and let it drift through me. It's a tough balancing act between allowing myself to experience these emotions and dwelling in negativity. Trying to "look on the bright side" often feels like an act of repression.
I have started seriously meditating, after having been away from it for quite some time. As is always the case when I delve deep into meditation, I feel profoundly worse over the next day or two prior to feeling better. I believe that this period of feeling worse is a catharsis during which negative thoughts and attitudes are worked out of the mind, to be replaced by something more positive.
Most recently, my experience of feeling worse manifested in feeling profound anger regarding not only my great difficulties in walking as a result of weakness and stiffness, but also the incredible length of time I've been trying to walk properly again. Furthermore, I'd just stopped using a walker all the time, and was spending some time walking without it. Unfortunately, I bent my toes backwards as a result of slipping off of an outdoor walkway between my front door and my car. As a result of this, I have not been able to exercise my feet. My modest gain of walking 100 feet in a pool is something I can't do at this point. Frankly, for all I know, this pain could be TMS to some degree, but I can't know this. It seems unwise to push through this pain.
How am I supposed to feel about these things? To say that I feel fine with hardly being able to walk, and bending my toes backwards, would be a lie. I completed the six week program about a year ago, and am still struggling with TMS.
At one point in my TMS journey, I tried to differentiate between pain from real injuries as opposed to TMS pain. I realized that I couldn't differentiate, and instead tried to experience all pain as a neutral sensation, devoid of emotional encumbrance. In some ways, this has worked. I've managed to decrease mini panic attacks that accompany pain. As I mentioned though, I'm frustrated and hurt by my predicament. At this point, I'm thinking that perhaps the path forward has nothing to do with my attitude toward pain, but rather with my attitude toward life. Perhaps it's natural to feel upset when in pain. After all, who doesn't? Is the answer instead just to process my reactions toward pain, complete with fear, anger, frustration, etc., and let these emotions play out over days or weeks, while just keeping a hopeful eye toward the future?
Is recovery essentially just having a positive outlook toward life, and nothing else?
If this is not the answer, maybe someone can offer some advice.
Thanks.
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