Been making progress over the past several years, but having a spell of pain and fear

My name's Tom and I'm 24 years old. When I was in high school I used to run track until the point when I strained my knees too far one day and I could barely walk for a while. Orthopedists told me that I had damaging physical conditions and gave me no real solution to heal except painful physical therapy. I gradually got better to where I could do some light activity with my legs, until my senior year when I strained my arms through light weightlifting/ then excessive bowling one day. Orthopedists told me I had tendinitis, etc., I thought that I had no chance of ever getting better. I experienced lots of pain and disability all throughout my body for 2 years after that, coupled with extreme anxiety. After my first year of college I decided to go to a psychiatrist and through anti-anxiety medication and really good therapy sessions, my pain significantly lowered and life became normal.

Two years later, after finishing college I discovered TMS, I even went to Dr. John Sarno. I gradually resumed activities I couldn't do before, such as playing video games without pain in my arms. A year after college I started working at a store where I had to stand all day. I was scared at first but I got used to the standing, the folding clothes, lifting light and sometimes even heavy items. I have been working there for almost three years now and it's been good for me. Last summer I had a flare-up with my wrists, but after taking time off for three weeks I got back to work and I was good. Recently I was at home cleaning and I kneeled for about 2 minutes, trying to ignore the pain. The next 2 weeks of work the pain in my knees got worse and worse, despite trying to psych myself up to just fight through it. Sometimes I know the pain is psychological and other times I fear there's damage in there. Sitting at home, walking around outside, the pain continues to linger. Now I am stopping work for a week but I have to let the store know tomorrow if I need another week after that to rest. After all that I've overcome I'm afraid if I go back to work the knee pain will get even worse and I'll undo all the progress made since I was 15.

Another note- for the past few years my pain levels have been low in both arms and legs, but I do have pain activated by compulsive thoughts much of the time. Such as, needing to re-look at something in order to eliminate pain, or needing to touch something again in order for the pain in my leg/ anxiety in my head to subside. Right now I am in panic mode, thinking that this pain in my knee is damage and now my future is at risk. I have built so much at the store I work at and I do not want to stop working. I made sure to not go TOO far, none of the work days the past two weeks were totally unbearable. Part of me knows that a week to clear my head and rest will get me back to normal. But another part of me fears my life is falling apart, and I'm going to strain myself standing all day at work, and then my vision of having a normal adult life will disintegrate. I need some advice. I know the answer is within me, and I am obsessing and that's unhealthy. I may go to my psychiatrist, who has helped me immensely. I need to get a doctor's note soon so when I come back my absences are excused- I'll probably go to an orthopedist and try not to think too physically whatever he says. Still, I would like to hear some good words from some of you guys. I'm in a bad place right now and I just want to be where I was a month ago. Any help is appreciated.

 

Wow, that's tough. I'd go to see the psychiatrist since he's been helpful in the past. Do you realize that anxiety is a TMS equivalent? Just one more way for the brain to keep back a dawning realization from the subconscious. For me, so are OCD symptoms. Forest just started a thread in General Discussions on liminality that you might like to read. It was a topic on today's Saturday (3 p.m. EST) chat at tmswiki.org/chat/

The regular Tuesday call in just did a wrap up of Steve Ozanich's The Great Pain Deception (Steve, himself, was there) which might be right up your alley. You can listen to the discussions here, if you like, here: http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Call-In_Peer_Discussion_Group (look down to Recordings of Past Discussions). If you can get the book (Kindle, of course) you can read the chapters along with the recordings.

Of course, searching topics and reading the forums is useful, always. Most people find the Alan Gordon program very helpful, as well.

Those are my best suggestions for now. I'm glad you are here. There are tons of resources and I think you will find the support you need.

Welcome to the forum, Tom!

 

Sounds like TMS to me, after years you may be needing a TMS KNOWLEDGE PENICILLIN BOOSTER. Look at the Rahe-Holmes stress list and identify the dis-ease causing events that have occurred in your life within the last year--there's your science! Dr. Sarno has retired but there are other TMS doctors he's trained who can help you if need be for an accurate DX, so you don't have to waste time and money. Reread your Sarno or one of the new TMS books (or one of the old ones) like Steve Ozanich's "THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION" or Nicole Sach's "TRUTH", she was one of the Good Doctor's group presentation leaders and is now a TMS therapist. What's going on in your emotional life that could be creating TMS symptoms?

 

I have a pretty good understanding of TMS. I have been using Monte Hueftle's program sometimes. It kind of discourages going on forums and seeking out answers but I think I need to in order to find some new practices. I am confident in my diagnosis, and recently my last struggle was just overcoming compulsions and OCDs that caused mild and temporary pain, but this current predicament has me anxious and fearful this new bad pain will stay. I really have a good life, loving parents, friends, a girlfriend, but physically and mentally inside me is where the problems are. I am just frustrated as hell. I understand how personality types cause TMS. I never really had any problems with other people growing up, my battles were all internal. Even before my first TMS experience I was very obsessive, ashamed of myself, wanting to be liked by others, unconfident. I needed to accomplish things or I felt worthless. When my track career went off the rails, the regret was all-consuming and changed me completely. I recovered somewhat but then strained my arms, and my self-hate became greater than I could imagine. As things have improved since going to a psychiatrist, discovering the concept of TMS, gradually resuming activities, etc., I knew that all the answers I needed were within me. I just had to put the time in. But now this new pain and regret is paralyzing me and I feel like things are crumbling. What would be the best practice to use right now, in terms of pure meditation/ changing my thinking process/ relaxation/ etc.? I have the faith in the TMS diagnosis, I just need a practice right now to get me in the right place.

 

It's nice to have a place where other people have had a similar experience. I just feel like a different type of human being now. All I've known in my adolescent life is battling pain and discomfort. I'm glad that I can pave the way for a pain-free life, but regretful of what I've missed out on- my confidence and self-worth never really developed to where normal young people are. I am still not 100% sure that all of this has been TMS. Is it strange to have these things as low as age 15?