Day 25 Back pain 90% gone, anxiety taking over

[MJG]

I am not as concerned about back/hip pain. It comes and goes. The pain is being replaced with anxiety. Lots of self-criticism, and self hate. I hear some of the negative chatter that is fairly constant, and due to reading in this forum, am coming to understand that is what I'm doing in my thoughts. The anxiety is due to the perfectionist and people pleasing that I guess I believe "if I'm not perfect no one will like me". And I already think people won't like me and I haven't even done anything---perfect or not perfect.
I get that anxiety is replacing the pain. (Along with insomnia , cold sore, sinus issues, head aches ) Doing the SEP program brings up a lot of emotions. Working on finding out who I am, after always trying to be what others want (like I could somehow read their minds) is where I want to go now, but at times the anxiety is in control. Thanks!

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

I am not as concerned about back/hip pain. It comes and goes. The pain is being replaced with anxiety. Lots of self-criticism, and self hate. I hear some of the negative chatter that is fairly constant, and due to reading in this forum, am coming to understand that is what I'm doing in my thoughts. The anxiety is due to the perfectionist and people pleasing that I guess I believe "if I'm not perfect no one will like me". And I already think people won't like me and I haven't even done anything---perfect or not perfect.
I get that anxiety is replacing the pain. (Along with insomnia , cold sore, sinus issues, head aches ) Doing the SEP program brings up a lot of emotions. Working on finding out who I am, after always trying to be what others want (like I could somehow read their minds) is where I want to go now, but at times the anxiety is in control. Thanks!

So awesome to hear that you are recovered by 90%. Thanks for letting us know. You are doing super.
Often, more so than not -- Anxiety does replace the pain. This is because the pain was masking you from this anxiety and now that you have done the work of letting your subconscious know that you have this and it's safe then the subconscious gives you what it thinks you want, the emotion of anxiety. This anxiety is derived from all the times you have repressed emotions in the past not trying to face them at all. Thinking that if you ignored it long enough then it would go away. The only way the anxiety is going to go away now is to use anxiety healing knowledge as in Claire Weekes and Abraham Lowe. Also Eugene Gendlin is pretty good too -- he was phenomenal in ridding my anxiety as was Abraham and Claire.

I say all of that to say this. If you hear a voice that makes you feel bad then just imagine the voice saying those same things in a more soothing , calming voice. Or just change the words to " You got this, You can take care of this" or something like that. Now it is conditioned so it will take a minute to recondition by the Giants mentioned above but if you change the voice off the rip to a favorite tone you like or an encouraging voice then you will be able to knock away that nagging voice. I mean you can do it now, like in a deep voice say " man I feel awesome. Then in a high voice say " man I feel awesome and then in your regular enthusiastic voice say " Man! I Feel Awesome! -- I Feel Super, I feel Great. Then tell me which voice made you feel the best. The latter I'm sure. You have control over these things most defiantly.

Learn from the Claire Weekes Audios and Excerpts here. And also learn from Abraham lowes excerpts and Eugene Gendlins threads. The reason I love Gendlins stuff is because he will get you to feel the emotion and not try to run from it or criticize it or judge it. You will just notice it and then just be with no reactions and then relax. The anxiety or pain -- whatever the bully is will most often weaken as you practice Gendlins focusing and the above concepts.

Oh, and the next time you hear a voice, ask it, Who said that? Then say "I think your not telling the truth" and then tell that voice the truth. You are that voice. Never forget that.

 

[MJG]

Herbie, thank you for your replay. You have given me a lot of great options that I will do!

I'm not completely discouraged, well somewhat, the back pain is back, 2 days after writing it is 90% better. I sort of understand why this happened. It's like I couldn't take the anxiety so BAM here's the physical pain. (I still have the anxiety)
As I pay more attention, as you suggest, I do get that my habits have allowed the bully/critics, to be in charge....and even though the feelings suck, that feels normal.

I will tell the "voice the truth".
Like now. It's ok to take Excedrin to get some reduction in the pain, rather than beating myself up for not doing TMS healing properly.

Hugs to you Herbie and everyone on the wiki, and also happy Easter

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Happy Easter to you too MJG. Hang in there. The pain will leave again.

 

[nowtimecoach]

Often, more so than not -- Anxiety does replace the pain. This is because the pain was masking you from this anxiety and now that you have done the work of letting your subconscious know that you have this and it's safe then the subconscious gives you what it thinks you want, the emotion of anxiety. This anxiety is derived from all the times you have repressed emotions in the past not trying to face them at all. Thinking that if you ignored it long enough then it would go away. The only way the anxiety is going to go away now is to use anxiety healing knowledge

EXACTLY what I needed to hear today Herbie! I found myself over the weekend, when I was hosting a party, saying "I don't ever remember getting so stressed out about these kinds of things!" So I had anxiety AND back pain. But this helped me put it all in perspective.
I also realized how much I have relied on ignoring feelings or situations really really really really hoping they would just go away. I know an origin of this exact pinpointed feeling was knowing I would have to go a math class not understanding a thing about the homework and praying the whole class would go away - or I'd get hit by a car... ha-ha oooooh this is a very old mechanism. I think I'll be grateful today that this is coming to the surface.

 

[MJG]

Happy Easter to you too MJG. Hang in there. The pain will leave again.

I'm going with extinction burst, and am on the right path...the back pain and anxiety made me question if it's TMS with thoughts of....I need to make a Drs apt, go on medication, never going to get better, lots of negative thoughts.
Seem to be having a slight reduction in stress, by acknowledging this.

 

[MJG]

I also realized how much I have relied on ignoring feelings or situations really really really really hoping they would just go away.

Thanks for mentioning this. I see where ignoring and hoping they go away, is what I've been doing. No wonder the emotions are repressed.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

EXACTLY what I needed to hear today Herbie! I found myself over the weekend, when I was hosting a party, saying "I don't ever remember getting so stressed out about these kinds of things!" So I had anxiety AND back pain. But this helped me put it all in perspective.
I also realized how much I have relied on ignoring feelings or situations really really really really hoping they would just go away. I know an origin of this exact pinpointed feeling was knowing I would have to go a math class not understanding a thing about the homework and praying the whole class would go away - or I'd get hit by a car... ha-ha oooooh this is a very old mechanism. I think I'll be grateful today that this is coming to the surface.

Thank you nowtimecoach. I'm glad you have gained awareness on these thoughts and ideas.
Bless You I too remember all the times I was hoping something wouldn't come to pass so I ignored and ignored until that dreadful day. I would be sweating and having anxiety, everything going all off at once just cause of that word future thoughts.
Thinking about bad outcomes always gave me the chills so now I just think it is all going to work out fine. Like the other day i was reading a book about this lady that had an experience she wrote a book about and the main thought of the whole book was to " Act as if everything was already ok and fine, nothing missing.
I still have to practice this occasionally but often it's just habit to think this way now. Of course I still see red at times but that is normal, what I have changed is my reaction to that color red.
Bless You