BACK...Again

Hi everyone. I have been a success story for a few years now. I have given Dr. Sarno's book out so many times I lost count.

Recently though, it seems to have come back, and it's pissed this time.

It makes so much sense that it's TMS. I have a new baby, I am crazy stressed and def have anger and rage built up. But I am not really hiding it. I have a lot of "goodism" going on with work and acting as if everything is great when really I am ready to explode.

BUT, I know all these things. Why is the pain doing this? I can't even pick up my son. I just read the second book because I thought I could use a refresher. It was a good book and I noticed improvements but then, BOOM, after about a week of improvements, I wake up and the bastard is shooting down my leg, lower right back and I am ready to snap.

I feel so stupid because I have been telling everyone I know about TMS and any time I hear someone with a back issue, I am right there to tell them about this. Meanwhile, I am canceling meetings and date nights with my wife and needing help with my son because I can't chase after him.

What did I forget? Why can't I knock this out like I did years ago? I actually bought healing back pain again, for like the 20th time so I can re-read the original again in hopes that I am missing something. Mind Body Prescription seemed like the same stuff, but I am desperate. I do remember getting a lot of help on this forum 3 years ago so I wanted to try this as well.

Any advice? Thank you so much!

 

Hi Trent,

Sorry to hear that TMS is trying to get your attention again. I was in exactly the same position you are a few weeks ago. The thing that got me going again was my mum being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and trying to do too much over the summer to make up for lost time.

My advice, don't panic ! That's just what it wants you to do, nothing like a dose of FEAR to keep your attention. I started on the SEP again and in three weeks I've brought it right back down again. I'm not totally "pain free", but I'm fear free and that's the main thing.

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not going to help. You're having a very normal reaction to a major life event, your brain thinks it's helping you out again.

Take a deep breath go back to basics, and you will see it off in no time, I promise.

Enjoy your beautiful baby

 

Yes, this. I had a relapse too, Trent, about two months ago. I had ALL the same feelings you're having now.... I did the SEP and like Mermaid said, I didn't get instant pain relief, but the fear began to diminish. Structured Educational Program, right here on this site, free.

 

Wow thanks so much for the note. I am looking in to SEP now. I haven't heard of this yet. I had such tremendous success my first time through that the book did it right off the bat. Dr. Sarno called me and I could have cried I was so thrilled. I am so mad it came back. All the years of injections, surgeries, pills, etc. are flashing back in my mind. I need to figure this all out again.

 

Thanks! I am clicking on that link right now. I was going to re-read HBP but I will check this out first. Thanks!

 

You'll

OTE="Trent, post: 59192, member: 1167"]Wow thanks so much for the note. I am looking in to SEP now. I haven't heard of this yet. I had such tremendous success my first time through that the book did it right off the bat. Dr. Sarno called me and I could have cried I was so thrilled. I am so mad it came back. All the years of injections, surgeries, pills, etc. are flashing back in my mind. I need to figure this all out again.[/QUOTE]
You'll be absolutely fine, it's easier the second time around, like falling off a log !

 

Last night I read half of the recovery program and watched the video. Then read all of breaking the pain. All great stuff. I was doing decent during reading this last night and went to bed anxious to continue the next day. Then this morning woke up and was 10/10 with pain. The baby monitor went off and I had to stare at my son crying and say "I'll be there soon buddy, I'm trying" and couldn't move for 21 minutes. Then finally got up and got him and brought him back to bed in agony. No position would work. I had to cancel a big contract meeting for 11:30. I caved and took tylenol and aleve and after about 3 hours I feel like I am about 6/10 for pain. Teetering on 7 to 8. I hate that I am back this far out of nowhere. I will continue to read and try my hardest. So much current anger is form apparently forgetting how this works. I need my back, back. Before when this happened I didn't have a son to care for. This is killing me...

 

You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. Please stop beating yourself up about your relapse, I know you may not like hearing this, because you're so upset and frustrated, but try to accept the situation, after all you know it's only temporary. I'd
do some breathing exercises if you can fit it in. Try to be a more gentle and forgiving with yourself, and if you need acute pain medication take it, I used to martyr myself too, it doesn't work. Relieve the pain any way you can while you find your way out of this again. You know you can do it. Lose the fear lose the pain (that's how it works! )
Bless you I hope your back calms down soon.

 

Hi Trent,

I love Mermaid's advice (and KevinB's too) to be easy on yourself, take pain meds if needed, and accept, as best you can that this kind of relapse can happen because you are human. It isn't because you f---ked up! Some of the best known contributors to this website have TMS symptoms, which they step up and work with, not as failures, but as gentle warriors. Practitioners.

Trying to get it right, being afraid that you're not getting it right, ---this is natural given your situation with work, life, a baby... It may help to simply observe the pressure you're putting on yourself over this relapse, really take it in and contemplate the effect on the Inner Child, and the inner fear and tension created right now. Not do anything to relieve this, but just observe and have some compassion. If you are rejecting yourself because of this pain experience, this is to be seen, and understood as just that, self-rejection. You're caught in something right now, and it will pass. We all get caught.

Meantime do, and digest the SEP, spend the recommended 1/2 to 1 hour at max per day to work on TMS, and let your learning sink in. You will no doubt peal back some more understanding in this go-round. Just let it come to you, and meantime take care of yourself as best you can with pain, life, and finding ways to deal with anxiety. I'm glad both Mermaid and KevinB got right to you with their experience, which is similar to yours.

Andy B.

 

You may want to checkout Nicole Sach's book, she talks a lot about parenting and TMS in it. She worked with Dr. Sarno and knows her stuff direct from the source. She has a series of teleconferences that are archived here.

http://meaningoftruthbook.com/

 

Great recommendation Tom. It's a brilliant book, very insightful, I gained a lot from it. She doesn't pull any punches.

 

Hi Trent,
I'm so sorry about your relapse, and everyone is so supportive with great advice.

That little guy is going to be growing and learning and "relapsing" ie sleeping thru the night, toilet training, even crawling etc can stop if he gets sick. How will you treat him? Your heart will go out to him. Let it go out to yourself. Andy brought up your inner child, and child it is. Compassion and encouragement. Take care, and best of luck!

 

Thanks everyone for the words. I am having a surprisingly difficult time this time around. I only say surprisingly because I am such a believer in all of this and I am very confused as to why it is taking so long to see any progress. My mother in law drove 4 hours to come to my house for the past 4 days to watch my son while I "recovered", aka, read Heeling Back Pain in bed with heating pad. I was finally given Vicodin for my pain, which I know is not smart if this is TMS but this pain is like none other I have had before. I can't point my toes towards me on my left foot. When I stand, I have a countdown clock that starts and as the minutes go by the pain gets worse and worse. When I hit about 3-4 minutes of standing/walking, my shins are shooting with acute pain and my left leg is numb.

My parents are so worried that I am convinced this is TMS and I could be ignoring a major issue. I am starting to get scared with no improvements. I have read and listened to the TMS recovery program, and my next move was to read Dr. Sarno's HBP again. I am halfway through the book and I have been so excited while reading because it all makes so much sense, but I don't remember in the past when I went through this, seeing no improvements. I hate to admit this, but I am so friggen scared...

My wife is back in town. She is so worried for me, but we have to have someone for our son. We have a person watching him tomorrow but after that, It has to be me. And I can't walk for more then 3 minutes without being is insane pain. I guess I really just hope that any responses I hear on here say "It's going to get better" "it's going to be alright". I am almost ashamed to say that for the first time in the years of believing in TMS, that I am scared this is an actual injury or something.

Has anyone ever had it this bad and come back from it? When I lay down, I need to massage my sciatic and breathe slowly until the pain calms down. But I can get to a zero pain moment when I lay long enough. When standing, it slowly comes back but when it gets back fully, it's just excruciating... I know my doctor wants me to have an MRI, but I also know if I go for one, than I will be even more scared....

Sorry to bother you all with my whining. I really am stuck in a hard place here. I don't know what to do or where to go... Thank you so much for all your responses.

 

Hi Trent,
You seem to be in a crisis. I would recommend you get an MRI, and have that assessment. Then, if you are still convinced it is TMS, work with a TMS physician either in person or remote, to diagnose TMS. Why not work to relieve yourself of the fear?
Andy B.

 

I just know from previous MRI's in my life that when I get one, it shows herniated discs, etc. And the last time I saw this, I ignored them and found out about TMS and was able to skip the surgery and ran a half marathon 3 months later. But this time seems different. I am afraid if I see an MRI that shows major issues I will cave and do whatever the doctor says...

I guess I was hoping someone else related to my symptoms and found out it was just TMS for them as well...

Do you have any suggestions on how to find a TMS physician in person or even remotely?

 

Here is the link, and scroll down. I copied and pasted the long distance ones, but the "in person" list might have someone near you?

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist

Physicians - available via internet or telephone

• David Schechter, MD Available via Internet Video services (i.e. Skype). Video treatment option for follow-up appointments only.
• Emmett Miller, MD Available via Phone and Skype.
• Roger Gietzen, MD Available via Phone and Internet Video services (i.e. Skype).
• Howard Schubiner, MD Available via Video.

 

So I'm not sure if anyone is still paying attention to this thread, but I thought I would post an update. Unfortunately, it's not a positive one. However, I am trying my best to make this positive because I don't have much else choice...

Today I had to tuck my tail between my legs and go see a specialists. I can not believe the road I am going down. I never thought I would do this again but I am stuck in a rut and even though I am such a TMS, PPD believer, I have to get help.

My father drove 13 hours down to NC from upstate NY to help since I can no longer care for my 9 month old. The pain is so severe now that I tremble when I do anything standing and could faint when I do something as simple as brush my teeth. The pain is in both shins, legs, hamstrings, even my right hip from favoring. I barely feel pain in my back anymore. I also have "foot drop" in my left leg, which I had to google to find out since I never heard of it before.

The back doctor I saw today said it sounds as if I have a severely herniated disc. His guess is the same one I had surgery on 12 years ago. He gave me another prednisone steroid pack (the previous one ends tomorrow) and 60 vicodin. He wants to see me in 2 weeks. He said he hopes that it fixes itself, but if not improved in 2 weeks, he wants an MRI and possibly an injection before talking surgery. He said I probably only have one surgery left in me before a fusion.

I brought up to him how I was hearing this same stuff 3 years ago until I read Healing Back Pain and I ran a half marathon 3 months after I was supposed to have surgery. (I wasn't as bad with pain and def no foot drop 3 years ago, but it was still bad enough that I had a scheduled surgery). Anyway, I told him I went a different route and took a mind-body approach. He looked at my and smirked and said "What happened was your body fixed itself and that's what we're hoping for again". I asked if he ever had any other patients bring up TMS or mind-body control to help their pain and he said "Not in NC, maybe people in Colorado believe that"...

I didn't expect him to get it. I just wanted to be honest and tell him about my past. So, the way I look at it now, I have 2 weeks to get my damn brain to figure this out before I start going down a bad path with doctors. I am reading, I am listening and I am doing the SEP. I know Doctor Sarno and other TMS people say to not use the crutches and drop the pain pills, etc. But this pain is so bad. I can't imagine just handling it. I can't lift my left foot. Something is blocking something from communicating. I reached out to one of the doctors mentioned on this forum and he more or less told me he thinks it's TMS but he will not work with me if I am taking anything for pain... I have had pain in the past that I thought was bad, but I never felt like I was going to faint from standing for 2 seconds to look the mirror or blow my nose.

I am going to keep moving forward. I just need some good news or to hear someone else who was this bad off and still broke through. I feel like my window is closing. I'm afraid my parents and family who are coming here and taking work off and losing vacation time to help me are going to lose patience with me saying I need to read more and need to accept the pain and not use the crutches...

AHhhhh! This sucks!!!

 

Hi Trent,
Dr. Sarno gave pain pills, according to his writings. I would recommend you use crutches, take pain pills as needed, and seek another TMS doctor. I am sorry it is getting worse. I hope you do better soon.
Andy B.

 

Personally I believe it is fine to use the medicine and crutches to help you break the pain cycle. But also do the SEP which are you and try some mind body visualizations (you can find some good ones via google). Here is one I really like:


Its great that your father drove down to assist you during this time. I think that speaks volumes about him and you, you were able to reach out and ask for that help. Good for you!

Do some reading of Sarno or Steve Ozanich's book "The Great Pain Deception". Know that you have support and repeat mantras to yourself, I like "you are safe" "you are strong and healthy" and "that was then this is now" while doing deep breathing.

Take care of yourself and never beat yourself up for seeing a doctor. You are in pain and you are scared and that is normal-who wouldn't be scared by that type of pain??? I know I have been terrified due to pain. Be cautious if you don't like the doctor you are seeing look around for someone else or seek out a TMS therapist who will see you even if you're taking pain meds.

Thinking of you and sending you all of the very best healing energy! You can do this! You will heal!

 

Trent,
We chatted at the TMS open chat yesterday. I'm thinking of you and I know what it feels like to be so frustrated that you can't have one light thought.

But, you need to have a light thought or two. Can I suggest that you watch a couple funny movies or even youtube some "Funny or Die" videos. I think you need to break the cycle of pain by "not trying" for a day or two. Just accept that this is where you're at for right now and watch a movie. Laughing moves the blocked frustration.

I don't really have any foundation to say this, but I feel that you're going to come back strong. Give yourself a little "grace period." Having a new baby is a life changer. And, being the parent at home is, too. You can do this, Trent. You're a young healthy man. Say that to yourself. I'm a young, healthy man.

P/S: I was talking to a massage therapist the other day. She believes in mind-body. Her specialty is to work with people with severe deformities and scoliosis. She said that almost all of them are pain-free, they just have massage to keep the muscles loose. Her thought was that if people with extremely distorted spines can be basically pain-free, then something like a disc moving or herniation really is NOT the cause of the pain. I thought I'd pass that along.