At a very low ebb

[hilbie]

I've not posted for a while. I'm feeling at such a low place right now that I don't know what to do with myself. Back pain is really bad, knees hurt, shoulders are in agony and I've now developed carpal tunnel syndrome as well. I could really use a helping hand right now. In terms of big life stuff I've got a toddler who's gorgeous but infuriating and a mother who's probably got dementia. There's another big issue I can't even bring myself to look at and I feel as if I can't talk to anyone about all this stuff because letting others know what's going on is so very difficult (fessing up to being so very imperfect I suppose). The loneliness is so tough. Where do I start?

 

[COgirl05]

hilbie - I feel like we have the same story of stressors going on right now. My grandma has dementia and has been living with my mom, but has been putting stressors on all of us and we are moving her to an assisted living place tomorrow actually (and my flare-up renewed itself today when we were getting her stuff together). She doesn't know that she's moving yet and we are struggling with how to tell her because as you know with dementia, it's hard to know what they will comprehend and actually remember. My son is also 2.5 and although I love him more than anything, he's exhausting and parenting is HARD! I'm also 23 weeks pregnant and just want some alone time sometimes. I've known about TMS for 1.5 years and have had several ebbs and flows with it. Despite the last week, I have 6 pain-free weeks where I was running, living and keeping up with my son. It's hard to go through pain flare-ups! I've written my share of posts on here begging for encouragement and help. I had a pretty good week so far and was getting over the flare-up and now today, it reared it's ugly head. Just remember that it's a season of life and it's not forever - nothing lasts forever and things eventually make a switch. This link http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/how-do-i-overcome-the-desire-to-get-rid-of-my-pain.8603/ and Alan Gordon's page on outcome independence are a God-send for me as I read them several times daily when I need the reminders. I had a big problem with fear and preoccupation of my back pain and it's gotten much better, but I still have times (like today) where it's more difficult than others. I also think deep breathing and journaling help too! Hang in there.

 

[hilbie]

Hi CO girl. Many thanks for your reply. I feel for you as I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to be pregnant with a toddler (mine is 3 next month). Parenting is indeed very hard and like nothing I've ever done before... Very challenging to one's patience and when I'm in pain it's almost unbearable.

I really appreciate your link to that other thread. I just read it and realised that yet again I'm absolutely obsessed with my pain. This evening on the bus home I was trying every trick in the book to get rid of it and nothing was working - I was in tears of rage and pain by the time I got home and feeling like an utter failure (more pressure). Every day I'm checking my symptoms and thinking about whether I feel worse or better. It hasn't occurred to me before that this in itself is a subtle form of internal pressure.

I've known about TMS for around 10 years - the first time around I got rid of my symptoms in about 2 months. This time it's taking much longer but my life is much more complicated.

Thanks again!

 

[mdh157]

hilbie, fessing up to being imperfect is human! Every one of us is, although society puts this pressure on to be otherwise. It does nothing more than load tons of strain on our psyche and helps promote the development of TMS, among other things. You will continue to have pain that sometimes ebbs/flows like the tide, my symptoms on some days seem like they are disappearing, others like they are getting worse. This causes my anxiety to ebb and flow as well. Once I get it 100% in my head that the symptoms are benign i am sure my anxiety will drop like a rock!

Keep yourself occupied if you have to, that should help keep your mind off the pain.

 

[Mala]

Sorry to hear that u r going through so much at the moment. You do sound very stressed.

Being a parent to a toddler is hard work and then you also have your mother to worry about. I find many of my friends are having to deal more & more with their parents' health issues especially as more & more of us are living longer. Do you have anyone who can help you with taking some of the burden off yr shoulders? Anyone u can talk to?

None of us r perfect & those who are or think they r have to deal with a whole different set of issues . We are all doing the best we can given our circumstances & I imagine u r too so please do not beat yrself up too much. That will only cause additional tension, addtional stress & more pain. Instead maybe u could perhaps focus on all the things that u r doing right & all the good stuff that is going on in order to stay more positive & to prevent yrself from going into a negative downward spiral.

You say u were previously able to get rid of the symptoms u had by using the tms approach. Maybe u could try again?

Wishing u all the best

Mala