I didn't want to have to post this, but.... I'm starting to get really pissed off about all the work I've done and my pain has only got worse and my movement has become more restricted than ever. Anyone who's read my posts up until now will see that I've readily been drinking from the SEP coolaid and have been trying hard to break the psychological link between my back pain and it's presumed physical causes, not to mention analyzing out loud the associations I have between my pain and my neuroses... But in return my pain has not only got worse, it's spread and now as I said above it's even more restrictive - I've given up typing this at my desk - I'm doing this while lying on a bed with my phone. I can feel that my back muscles are in spasms. They've been getting worse since I've stopped doing the squats I used to do after a day's work, which although it never healed my back completely, it at least kept the muscles strong so I could keep myself upright. I've also not bothered to sit up straight while I'm sitting at a desk, thus further exacerbating it. And doing all the self-talk saying it's not the sitting that's causing it etc etc. And on top of that, I've been seeing a therapist who is fairly receptive to the idea that the back pain is related to the subconscious. The only proof that TMS holds true so far is that it has gotten worse and it has gone to new parts of the body (the front of my thighs) which experts in these pages have predicted. But actually being physically impaired by my muscles going into spasms doesn't seem like progress to me. I could handle it if it was only the intensity of the pain getting worse, but not being able to stand up straight and not being able to bend and pick something up without taking forever just reinforces the notion that there is something physical going on. Before starting this course I had much freer movement. Last night at work it got so bad I had to take pain killers for the first time this week and it made a huge difference - I could barely concentrate before. And this notion that you have to just ignore the pain....how does that work when the pain gets worse and these strategies we are tryinf to implement have as their goal to eliminate pain? Sometimes I think the TMS mantra that there are no physical causes of the pain and that inflammation doesn't exist is as arrogant as the physios and doctors who tell you that the bulging disc is the cause. What if muscle pain isn't something that can be seen in an MRI? The other thing that's been nagging me is if the subconscious is unknowable, how can you feel the pain that it's experienced? You can only ever guess or assume, right? What if the guess is wrong or way off the mark? Sorry to vent like this, I know I'm going on like a spoiled brat, but is it not better to express it than to begrudgingly keep it in? And sorry to anyone who's just starting out or who has made a lot of progress - I dont want to take the wind out of your sails. Please someone prove me wrong or set me straight. I'm still a believer, I just want more evidence that I'm on the right track.