Day 25 Anger, shame and regret

[Toby2015]

Wow this journaling has really opened a can of worms for me. While some issues I have thought about from time to time, others I have repressed so much it's almost like they've just happened now that I'm writing them down.
The most significant observations are that I have a lot of repressed rage, something I didn't think was an issue for me. I am the apologising goodist who would rather suffer than upset anyone or appear selfish.
I also have a lot of guilt and shame towards myself for the situations I've gotten in to or caused, even though it's mostly been me they've affected. I need to stop chastising myself because what's done is done, seems harder to forgive myself than others.
Right now symptoms are jumping about and I feel emotional and tired, yet I am optimistic this is all part of the TMS healing process and I can see light at the end of this llllooooonnnngggg tunnel at last.
Now time for a little meditation.

 

[Gigi]

Hi Toby. Yes, journaling can definitely unleash the beast! I'm a firm believer in addressing things, however, rather than allowing them to fester. We TMS folks have paid a painful price for goodist tendencies.
I also heartily agree that self-forgiveness is the most difficult kind. I've had some success with viewing past mistakes as an outsider who has the capacity to forgive a much-loved child (my former self), if that makes sense.
Hang on to your optimism, and be gentle with yourself.

 

[Toby2015]

Hi Gigi
Thank you for replying. The support from this group is a little pick me up when I'm feeling apprehensive about it all, I will speak with my inner child as you have and maybe that will help the self forgiveness.