Day 25 Anger, shame and regret

Wow this journaling has really opened a can of worms for me. While some issues I have thought about from time to time, others I have repressed so much it's almost like they've just happened now that I'm writing them down.
The most significant observations are that I have a lot of repressed rage, something I didn't think was an issue for me. I am the apologising goodist who would rather suffer than upset anyone or appear selfish.
I also have a lot of guilt and shame towards myself for the situations I've gotten in to or caused, even though it's mostly been me they've affected. I need to stop chastising myself because what's done is done, seems harder to forgive myself than others.
Right now symptoms are jumping about and I feel emotional and tired, yet I am optimistic this is all part of the TMS healing process and I can see light at the end of this llllooooonnnngggg tunnel at last.
Now time for a little meditation.

 

Hi Toby. Yes, journaling can definitely unleash the beast! I'm a firm believer in addressing things, however, rather than allowing them to fester. We TMS folks have paid a painful price for goodist tendencies.
I also heartily agree that self-forgiveness is the most difficult kind. I've had some success with viewing past mistakes as an outsider who has the capacity to forgive a much-loved child (my former self), if that makes sense.
Hang on to your optimism, and be gentle with yourself.

 

Hi Gigi
Thank you for replying. The support from this group is a little pick me up when I'm feeling apprehensive about it all, I will speak with my inner child as you have and maybe that will help the self forgiveness.