and then of course there is Suicide.

@Cactusflower
Thanks for this! Sorry to hear you’ve got a flare, but look at you go!!! You are living a real life, with stress and everything! I love the idea of sending love out into to world. Being a “beacon of kindness” is a beautiful thing to be. :-) I’m hanging in there.
 
Diana-M said:
You are so right, @Cactusflower! I think abandonment is the ultimate root of it all. When in doubt what’s causing pain— it’s usually that. Every loss brings it up fresh. Especially a loss of someone special.

So sorry to hear you lost your kitty! That is severe pain. And your other cat is sad. That’s so hard. Big hug to you!
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Diana-M said:
While I’m talking about hiding our true selves, I’d like to just admit that I like to show only my successes on this forum. My good days. My perfectionism controls these decisions. But truth is, I’ve been very blue. Like can’t get out of bed blue. I am blessed in that my faith is a really tight and firm parachute for me. I don’t think I’ll hit the ground. Though sometimes it feels like it. If I pray and seek God, Im always comforted. But sometimes the darkness is really really heavy and crushes me. I feel completely hopeless. I can only too easily picture how people with long term TMS want to just give up. Especially if they don’t have the hope that Sarno’s teachings give—and all else to be learned here from TMS warriors. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: What choice do we have but to battle on? This is the way. If you press on you’ll get somewhere. And if you haven’t yet, there still more to do. I’ve done a ton of work. It feels unfair that I’m not farther than I am. And I’m a big crybaby about that. But I’m also battling some pretty heavy issues with all my loved ones. There is a lot of pain overlaying my life, and a lot of stuff out of my control. My hope is to not quit. No matter what. And keep finding those places that I can control—and build on that. The little daily efforts. I think of so many of you daily. More than once daily. I cling to the path you’ve paved. I know from you that it’s possible. Thanks for listening. I have been in horrendous pain lately with more new places to hurt. I am journaling to find the open emotional wounds. My body is crying. I’m strong-arming my mind. This isn’t going to be a free fall of negativity. <3 I won’t let it.
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Hey Diana, hang in there <3

Like Cactusflower said, this is just another symptom imperative. My thoughts were so similar when it felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere (not true) and my progress was slow - don’t let these thoughts consume you. I remember giving into them and catastrophizing how I’d never get TMS out of my head and how I’d be in an endless loop of symptom imperative. Things were shifting so quickly from hour to hour, physical pain to mental, and I thought I was losing my mind.

I, just recently accepted a new position on a new project and noticed some anxiety creeping in. Anxious thoughts about how I’m not good enough and that they’ll see me for the fake that I am, I’m stupid, and I’ll lose the job within a month, I’ll lose health insurance.. and won’t have an income.. and and and you get the point. Usually now when my anxiety starts to fester I get burning chest pain and for whatever reason my ankle begins to throb. This is my sign that I need to look inwards and slow down and shift to what’s going on before things blow up. It doesn’t scare me anymore because it’s dumb and it’ll go away. Anyway, I immediately recognized the catastrophizing, a bad habit that was programmed into me since a young age, began my affirmations/afformations and reminders of how I don’t talk to myself like this anymore, this is not who am anymore. Anyway, life is going to life. Whatever, just keep going. Just because you’re not seeing massive changes doesn’t mean things are not shifting in your brain. You will reap the rewards and they will be that much sweeter.

I read something on here someone posted a while ago when I was getting punched by the symptom imperative. If your symptoms are increasing and moving around, this is a very good sign. Tell your brain to bring it on because you can handle it.

Also I want to remind you that you’ve been there (referring to how you’re feeling now) before. Check out your post from July.

Diana-M said:
I wanted to give a follow up to my July 3 post filled with discouragement. Just 10 days later, I’m filled with peace, hope and happiness. My symptoms are ever so slightly less. But greatly less to me, because I don’t care. I think what did it was I stopped caring (as much) about what my husband thinks about all this. He’s sad, discouraged, heart-broken that I’m not well. He has a lot more work now that I’m somewhat debilitated. He is suffering, and I’m so tuned in as a people pleaser. I’m detaching my feelings from his. This is a monumental achievement, and one that my TMS is requiring for me to heal. I’ve also detached from other people through this process. I’m speaking up for what I want and need for the first time. And I’m just trying to have a mega positive internal world. I’m being nice to me! And guess what: I’m healing! :D I am awaking every day believing that I can do anything.
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IT WILL PASS!!! <3 chin up
 
Diana-M said:
@Cactusflower
Thanks for this! Sorry to hear you’ve got a flare, but look at you go!!! You are living a real life, with stress and everything! I love the idea of sending love out into to world. Being a “beacon of kindness” is a beautiful thing to be. :) I’m hanging in there.
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I love this idea too.
 
@HealingMe
Thanks for the encouragement! I love hearing your story—how the mental hygiene and the challenge is always there, but you’ve changed the way you think! And it worked!
HealingMe said:
I, just recently accepted a new position on a new project and noticed some anxiety creeping in
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You are every bit as awesome as they think you are. Believe it! :) You got this. If you can fight TMS, you can do anything.
 
Diana-M said:
@HealingMe
Thanks for the encouragement! I love hearing your story—how the mental hygiene and the challenge is always there, but you’ve changed the way you think! And it worked!

You are every bit as awesome as they think you are. Believe it! :) You got this. If you can fight TMS, you can do anything.
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This is such a lovely perspective. I’ve been through hell with my TMS, surely a silly job can’t match that. :happy:
 
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