UkAdR
Peer Supporter
Evening all (in the UK at least...
),
I'd like to share a development in my TMS journey over the weekend. Allow me to indulge, as this is the biggest development for me I think since learning about TMS.
On Friday my wife and I went out for afternoon tea as a treat while my mother looked after our son. We had a good afternoon. My pain was moderate, having crept up a little over the last week or so from the lower levels I'd managed to get it to. After returning we went shopping a little in the afternoon and then came home. We ate out evening meal, and as we did so I noticed a familiar sharp pain appearing on the right side of my back. This got worse over the course of the evening and by 8pm was very painful.
I rushed upstairs and grabbed SteveO's Great Pain Deception to carry on reading - I am nearing the end now and wanted to get my mind thinking in TMS mode again. I found myself getting more and more panicky as the night went on. By around 9pm, I was forcing myself to think psychological, and constantly saying that my pain was real, but nothing to worry about. I willed myself to laugh at it. I went to bed earlier than usual and read some in bed. As I went to sleep I could still feel the pain as bad as ever but was still talking to my mind saying stop it, and convincing myself that this time I wouldn't worry about the pain or what might happen.
Around half an hour after going to sleep I awoke in a terrified state - not to do with the pain, but a state I can remember from childhood where I had a feeling like something was in the room and was going to get me. I needed to cocoon myself in the covers and protect myself. I even started to have thoughts about someone coming into the room to get me. It was so strange and a sensation I've rarely felt. I drifted back off and woke a couple of times through the night. I always checked, and yes, the pain was still there and was bad. But i still tried not to worry.
In the morning my wife (wonderful woman
) brought in a coffee for me and my son to feed (hes 19 months now - he still has a morning bottle that he loves). My pain was bad. I turned over a few times, but just picked up my book and read a little more. I picked up my coffee mug - ouch - back so painful. My son knocked me, spilt coffee. I cleaned the drips off the bed and the splash off my phone. No pain. What?
I stood up. and exclaimed to my wife 'its gone'. The pain has just gone. It literally went like that. I hadn't been so excited for ages. I went into the bathroom for my shower laughing. I still can't believe it happened but it did. The usual dull aching pain crept back a little over the day, and has been a bit bad again, but that sharp, acute pain hasn't been back yet. Its unbelievable. It has be convinced more than ever that it's TMS, and its a wonderful feeling. I beat the pain flare up this time in a matter of hours by NOT really thinking about beating it, just by trying not to worry about it and convince myself and my mind not to be scared.
In the days since I have got to Steve's chapter about visualisation, and all day I have been visualising blood flowing around my lower back. I am going to do this all day, every day.
Thanks for allowing the long post (all of you who may have got this far), but I really wanted to share. This has NEVER happened before. If my pain was structural, there is NO way it would just switch off so suddenly. Is there?
Cheers all,
Adam
I'd like to share a development in my TMS journey over the weekend. Allow me to indulge, as this is the biggest development for me I think since learning about TMS.
On Friday my wife and I went out for afternoon tea as a treat while my mother looked after our son. We had a good afternoon. My pain was moderate, having crept up a little over the last week or so from the lower levels I'd managed to get it to. After returning we went shopping a little in the afternoon and then came home. We ate out evening meal, and as we did so I noticed a familiar sharp pain appearing on the right side of my back. This got worse over the course of the evening and by 8pm was very painful.
I rushed upstairs and grabbed SteveO's Great Pain Deception to carry on reading - I am nearing the end now and wanted to get my mind thinking in TMS mode again. I found myself getting more and more panicky as the night went on. By around 9pm, I was forcing myself to think psychological, and constantly saying that my pain was real, but nothing to worry about. I willed myself to laugh at it. I went to bed earlier than usual and read some in bed. As I went to sleep I could still feel the pain as bad as ever but was still talking to my mind saying stop it, and convincing myself that this time I wouldn't worry about the pain or what might happen.
Around half an hour after going to sleep I awoke in a terrified state - not to do with the pain, but a state I can remember from childhood where I had a feeling like something was in the room and was going to get me. I needed to cocoon myself in the covers and protect myself. I even started to have thoughts about someone coming into the room to get me. It was so strange and a sensation I've rarely felt. I drifted back off and woke a couple of times through the night. I always checked, and yes, the pain was still there and was bad. But i still tried not to worry.
In the morning my wife (wonderful woman
I stood up. and exclaimed to my wife 'its gone'. The pain has just gone. It literally went like that. I hadn't been so excited for ages. I went into the bathroom for my shower laughing. I still can't believe it happened but it did. The usual dull aching pain crept back a little over the day, and has been a bit bad again, but that sharp, acute pain hasn't been back yet. Its unbelievable. It has be convinced more than ever that it's TMS, and its a wonderful feeling. I beat the pain flare up this time in a matter of hours by NOT really thinking about beating it, just by trying not to worry about it and convince myself and my mind not to be scared.
In the days since I have got to Steve's chapter about visualisation, and all day I have been visualising blood flowing around my lower back. I am going to do this all day, every day.
Thanks for allowing the long post (all of you who may have got this far), but I really wanted to share. This has NEVER happened before. If my pain was structural, there is NO way it would just switch off so suddenly. Is there?
Cheers all,
Adam