Almost 2 years of trying to resolve intense sciatic pain using TMS

[Cactusflower]

I think you should discuss your next move with Dan, and be open and honest about your difficulty tolerating the pain, if you haven't talked about it yet. Many of us have had increases in pain, pain moving around and other old or new symptoms pop up when the TMS work is HARD. I think we not only dig up dirt, have to really examine our beliefs and values and perhaps change our perception about ourselves within them, but then deal with the emotions that brings. For most people it creates a lot of fear - we are poking around in the things TMS protects us from.

I'm wondering if there is more to the fear - as @HealingMe asks, "what are you afraid of" - I'm wondering if there are fears outside of the context of the current symptom situation that you have?

What would you do next, if an epidural did not give you any relief? Have you considered what your next step would be?

Increases in pain or pain moving around can also simply be TMS simply kind of being "stuck" in the body - by that I mean those old neural circuits REALLY want to hang on, and I think it does have to do with how much we see ourselves as being "unable" or on the other hand, how we view our ability. I am absolutely sure this is my struggle. Even on my hardest days I try to do the most "normal" things which are fairly routine: take out the trash, wash the dishes etc. I don't feel the need to push say, a workout on those days - but I do try and show my brain that all is "normal" while at the same time being compassionate and trying to check myself with any desperation, frustration etc. These things simply all add to our internal stressors. This work can be so nuanced. Out of all people, I would think that Dan has a real handle all of these angles.

 

[HealingMe]

I am primarily afraid of the intensity of the pain, and how it has expanded into foot numbness.

This is your fear right here. But you already know that symptoms CAN spread/get worse as you make progress? You have to remind yourself that this is normal in healing every time your brain screams at you.

Your brain will play tricks on you.

“What if it spreads?” Ignore it. You don’t have to respond to it. Feel it.
“What if I don’t get better?” Ignore it. Don’t respond. Feel it.
“What if I’m like this for the rest of my life?” Ignore it. Don’t respond. Feel it.

This is your path toward recovery. Feel it. Move on with your life. Each time you don’t cave into the tricks your fearful brain plays, you are getting better. You’re showing your brain there is NOTHING wrong with your body and it that it can turn off the alarm.

I agree with @Cactusflower. You may need some better pain relief so that you can focus on facing this fear bit by bit. You can be compassionate toward yourself — not saying you need to be rough housing and beating up your brain.

You got this, really, believe me.

 

[warren23]

I think you should discuss your next move with Dan, and be open and honest about your difficulty tolerating the pain, if you haven't talked about it yet. Many of us have had increases in pain, pain moving around and other old or new symptoms pop up when the TMS work is HARD. I think we not only dig up dirt, have to really examine our beliefs and values and perhaps change our perception about ourselves within them, but then deal with the emotions that brings. For most people it creates a lot of fear - we are poking around in the things TMS protects us from.

I'm wondering if there is more to the fear - as @HealingMe asks, "what are you afraid of" - I'm wondering if there are fears outside of the context of the current symptom situation that you have?

What would you do next, if an epidural did not give you any relief? Have you considered what your next step would be?

Increases in pain or pain moving around can also simply be TMS simply kind of being "stuck" in the body - by that I mean those old neural circuits REALLY want to hang on, and I think it does have to do with how much we see ourselves as being "unable" or on the other hand, how we view our ability. I am absolutely sure this is my struggle. Even on my hardest days I try to do the most "normal" things which are fairly routine: take out the trash, wash the dishes etc. I don't feel the need to push say, a workout on those days - but I do try and show my brain that all is "normal" while at the same time being compassionate and trying to check myself with any desperation, frustration etc. These things simply all add to our internal stressors. This work can be so nuanced. Out of all people, I would think that Dan has a real handle all of these angles.

Cactus - thanks for your reply. I have repeatedly told Dan that I am struggling to tolerate the level of pain - he has been empathetic and believes the high pain levels are mainly due to fear, which he thinks is the strongest form of doubt. In my experience, and Dan said this is often true for mind body sufferers, pain relievers have not helped me much, whether it's Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Gabapentin, Duloxetine, etc. So far, no pain reliever has been effective.

I have seriously struggled with doubt with the sciatic pain, both that my body is OK (i.e. this is not a structural problem), and even more so, that I can do anything about the pain even if I don't have a structural problem. Right now, my unconscious brain is winning out over my conscious brain as it relates to pain. Working to change that, but maybe more acceptance and allowing of the pain is more important right now.

 

[HealingMe]

Yes, allow the pain. Getting better means accepting the stage you are at right now. Claire Weekes talked about relaxing into the anxiety. Float through it.

 

[warren23]

This is your fear right here. But you already know that symptoms CAN spread/get worse as you make progress? You have to remind yourself that this is normal in healing every time your brain screams at you.

Your brain will play tricks on you.

“What if it spreads?” Ignore it. You don’t have to respond to it. Feel it.
“What if I don’t get better?” Ignore it. Don’t respond. Feel it.
“What if I’m like this for the rest of my life?” Ignore it. Don’t respond. Feel it.

This is your path toward recovery. Feel it. Move on with your life. Each time you don’t cave into the tricks your fearful brain plays, you are getting better. You’re showing your brain there is NOTHING wrong with your body and it that it can turn off the alarm.

I agree with @Cactusflower. You may need some better pain relief so that you can focus on facing this fear bit by bit. You can be compassionate toward yourself — not saying you need to be rough housing and beating up your brain.

You got this, really, believe me.

There is much wisdom in your post - the biggest challenge is I have not been able to find any pain relief and have pretty much given up on doing so. Were pain meds helpful to you in your journey?

 

[HealingMe]

Yes, I understand wanting the relief. When I had physical pain, sometimes ibuprofen would touch it and sometimes it would not, same as you. I would take baths or hot showers to calm my body down.

I took duloxetine to help my anxiety and depression as I worked through teaching my brain safety again. It was an act of compassion.

The pain waves would come and pass and each time I would remind myself that it would pass and that it wasn’t permanent. Every day the waves would get shorter and shorter until they ceased to exist and the alarm turned off.

Your goal isn’t to avoid life because of the pain. Your goal is to engage back in life despite the pain to teach your brain you are safe.

Also, there's no need to be so cerebral about this. Engage back in life, despite what your pain and your thoughts scream at you. It's not necessary to dig further in our past, traumas, etc.

 

[warren23]

Yes, I understand wanting the relief. When I had physical pain, sometimes ibuprofen would touch it and sometimes it would not, same as you. I would take baths or hot showers to calm my body down.

I took duloxetine to help my anxiety and depression as I worked through teaching my brain safety again. It was an act of compassion.

The pain waves would come and pass and each time I would remind myself that it would pass and that it wasn’t permanent. Every day the waves would get shorter and shorter until they ceased to exist and the alarm turned off.

Your goal isn’t to avoid life because of the pain. Your goal is to engage back in life despite the pain to teach your brain you are safe.

Also, there's no need to be so cerebral about this. Engage back in life, despite what your pain and your thoughts scream at you. It's not necessary to dig further in our past, traumas, etc.

I have tried the approach of engaging back in life, but the pain usually gets much worse when I do. So far, that approach has failed spectacularly - the only thing that has helped me are when my doubt is reduced that I can get better, and the epidural in August of 2025.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

I have seriously struggled with doubt with the sciatic pain, both that my body is OK (i.e. this is not a structural problem), and even more so, that I can do anything about the pain even if I don't have a structural problem.

Whilst it is true that it is both, from my experience the first one is the most invasive. You're biologically wired to care (and therefore fear) if you still have decent doubts over the diagnosis. You can definitely do something if it is TMS (but you have to believe that's what's going on) - I could count on my hand the number of people I've seen implement TMS recovery correctly and not recover (I'm being conservative because I can't think of anyone off of the top of my head). It's a very high success rate, and that's significant recovery I'm not even talking about improvement (that's an even higher rate).

the only thing that has helped me are when my doubt is reduced that I can get better

Not a coincidence

 

[HealingMe]

have tried the approach of engaging back in life, but the pain usually gets much worse when I do.

This is expected.

I wish you all the best in your recovery. Good luck.

 

[warren23]

Whilst it is true that it is both, from my experience the first one is the most invasive. You're biologically wired to care (and therefore fear) if you still have decent doubts over the diagnosis. You can definitely do something if it is TMS (but you have to believe that's what's going on) - I could count on my hand the number of people I've seen implement TMS recovery correctly and not recover (I'm being conservative because I can't think of anyone off of the top of my head). It's a very high success rate, and that's significant recovery I'm not even talking about improvement (that's an even higher rate).



Not a coincidence

Thank you. So, based on your coaching, you believe the key is very strong belief that my symptoms are due solely to TMS? Also, when you say “implement TMS recovery correctly”, what specifically do you mean by that?

 

[warren23]

This is expected.

I wish you all the best in your recovery. Good luck.

And thank you for your thoughts. The trick will be can I go back to living my life with even worse symptoms, until I can get thru this phase of recovery.

 

[warren23]

Last thing I wanted to mention is that my doubt has gone up due to a series of worsening symptoms, even though I have been learning and actively engaging in an excellent TMS program, that of Dan Ratner's. Why????

Shoes now feel incredibly uncomfortable on my left foot due to the foot numbness. Also, I have not been able to hike in six weeks due to the leg/foot/calf pain and numbness. It's now more difficult to walk, too for the same reasons.

 

[Mani]

Last thing I wanted to mention is that my doubt has gone up due to a series of worsening symptoms, even though I have been learning and actively engaging in an excellent TMS program, that of Dan Ratner's. Why????

I havent been on top of this thread but this is victim mentality. I do this too sometimes and its okay to feel this way but its important to realize what it is and where it is coming from. Most of the people here have had worsening of symptoms even while doing the work. I feel like you should just strap in for the journey without immediately expecting to receive something. You can just do these things because you want to be good for yourself. Treat yourself kindly.

 

[Cactusflower]

Cactus - thanks for your reply. I have repeatedly told Dan that I am struggling to tolerate the level of pain - he has been empathetic and believes the high pain levels are mainly due to fear, which he thinks is the strongest form of doubt. In my experience, and Dan said this is often true for mind body sufferers, pain relievers have not helped me much, whether it's Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Gabapentin, Duloxetine, etc. So far, no pain reliever has been effective.

I have seriously struggled with doubt with the sciatic pain, both that my body is OK (i.e. this is not a structural problem), and even more so, that I can do anything about the pain even if I don't have a structural problem. Right now, my unconscious brain is winning out over my conscious brain as it relates to pain. Working to change that, but maybe more acceptance and allowing of the pain is more important right now.

Question with judgement: is your fear simply of the pain, or is it anxiety? They can absolutely be confused or tangled up together.
I too had unbelievable pain, I could not sit nor walk for about a year. Using the facilities was an act of torture and I needed assistance to bathe and dress. It took me a lot of time to realize that it was the mental suffering I had to work on more than the pain or the fear. It became an extraordinary lesson in realizing that there were unconscious and subconscious fears and RAGE (Sarno!). I tried a few forms of therapy (one therapy mixed with TMS work) but it wasn't until I did EMDR face to face with a therapist I could connect with (who didn't even believe in TMS) that I began to end the mental suffering and get a clearer head to deal with the fear thoughts. The EMDR seemed to get the rest of the stuff out of the way so I could tackle TMS work and mindset work head on. I was still in massive pain but I could move and get to the therapy sessions. Then I did much better with my TMS coach and doing some things to help me manage the fear and the OCD like negative thoughts (anxiety). It was clearer for me what was standing in my way of healing. I tried doing some of Alan Gordon's work at first, but found I preferred minimally guided, long meditations. These helped me get a bit better at feeling how my nervous system was reacting - and I could learn to be a bit softer and respond to the pain over the fear reaction.
We have immediate reactions when we feel the symptoms but gathering a breath, reminding ourselves that thoughts are not truths (this is a BIG part of Dan's work) and deciding "What If this is just TMS?" in the moment helped me re-direct thoughts. I would also literally tell myself I was fine and not dead nor diseased. Adopting the "What If" mindset in a more enlightened way instead of a doom and gloom way really began to help me out.
I'd have some rough spots, hard days, weeks even months but could constantly remind myself that it was working because of the mindset shift.

Like you, no pain medicine worked so I KNEW it wasn't physical.

I actually did go through a period of my feet being numb on the outside about 11 years ago with a round of TMS - I even had nerve tests which showed nerve damage but even without knowing about TMS it didn't make much sense to me. That wasn't my main or most problematic symptom.

When I first found out about TMS my anxiety increased because a) that's the way it seems to work for most people and b) the thought that I was now responsible for my healing instead of handing it over to someone else eg. medical professional who could end my suffering more quickly and me not have to do the work was huge. I didn't realize that for a long time. Then I started to read on this forum and Dr. Handscom's work about self-victimization. I had handed over all my power to someone else to "fix" me and at the time, I apparently had no confidence I could do this work myself. That's when I realized there were deeper issues at play in general within my life and in my self-thoughts and beliefs.

I still have pain. Today I was OK for quite some time but did a lot for where I am at, and as per "expectation" - I began to hurt. My mind just still has it's idea of the limits I can tolerate doing certain things. It makes NO SENSE at all - (which I think you are beginning to realize) - In December I literally climbed a mountain in running shoes and then I dressed up, went out and took a tour of tiki bars! The week before that I couldn't twist or turn. The week after I had foot and knee symptoms (not pain from a work out, like climbing!) . Nonsensical! I stopped asking the WHY's. That's desperation, that's searching for a fix.

I'm wondering if you might look into the work of some other TMS "theorists". Dan has his methods, but I found that mixing methods and tailoring them to my own needs not only helped me feel more powerful and less victimized, I had better outcomes. I think Dan has excellent methods, and his use of the power column was what I found helped me get rid of the self-victimization. But I also found Alan Gordon's work on fear and how it can translate beyond symptoms (in his book he talks about beginning to drive again, and how that was related to fears in general), and especially the work of Claire Weekes - her book Hope and Help For Your Nerves (you can translate her work on "nervous" or "anxiety" to your preferred words of "Fear" and try her concrete methods and see how they go. It's a small book with explicit directions of what to do to help shift a mindset. My one concern with Dan's approach, is that it can be unforgiving re: doubt - he wants 100% doubt free. That didn't work for me. I had to learn to be OK with having some doubt and notice that being 100% doubt free is a perfectionist attitude that didn't benefit me. I need wiggle room because I had too many perfectionist thoughts (and legalistic thoughts) about how I "SHOULD" be as a person. I needed to realize that someone like Dan, who also has had TMS, also has many of those TMS personality traits, and that 100% doubt-free might be one of his. You don't need to meet his goals, only your own.

I also watched Dan's talk about athletes today on Youtube and they really dug deep into some mindset things that aren't often discussed in the TMS world. It might offer you some insights.

I think these ideas give you the opportunity to see you have plenty of options, and are not as backed into a corner as you might feel you are.

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

So, based on your coaching, you believe the key is very strong belief that my symptoms are due solely to TMS?

Yes, assuming they are (it's not the only key but it is very important) - you don't have to have super strong belief straight away, but as you shift your mindset and begin to think psychologically your evidence will grow. As your evidence grows you'll naturally have increased belief.

We have immediate reactions when we feel the symptoms but gathering a breath, reminding ourselves that thoughts are not truths (this is a BIG part of Dan's work) and deciding "What If this is just TMS?" in the moment helped me re-direct thoughts. I would also literally tell myself I was fine and not dead nor diseased. Adopting the "What If" mindset in a more enlightened way instead of a doom and gloom way really began to help me out.

Love this

Last thing I wanted to mention is that my doubt has gone up due to a series of worsening symptoms,

I understand this based on how we are conditioned (and biologically wired), but when it comes to TMS you're operating on a false premise. As Dr Sarno said, TMS often creates the worst symptoms and through his work he couldn't find anything biologically/structurally that could cause the level of symptoms that TMS could. That doesn't mean I'm saying you 100% have TMS, it's just that there's no correlation (you could even argue there's a negative correlation based on what Dr Sarno said) between the intensity of symptoms and a structural issue. Your brain is saying "this is so intense, there must be something wrong" - but it's not true. I would start with counteracting these thoughts with this new knowledge

 

[JanAtheCPA]

my doubt has gone up due to a series of worsening symptoms, even though I have been learning and actively engaging in an excellent TMS program, that of Dan Ratner's. Why????

At some point when I see people like yourself, my ultimate inclination is to go back to Sarno's (ie: Freud's) basic repression theory. It's my belief (after 15 years of admittedly non-professional observations) that individuals who believe that they are applying themselves rigorously to the concepts, are actually spending their time and energy on what are essentially distracting activities, believing that they are accomplishing something. As we know from Dr. Sarno's excellent explanations, distractions serve one purpose and one purpose only, which is to help the TMS brain mechanism to continue repressing shit that the person absolutely can not emotionally afford to examine. Eventually, the individuals end up expressing frustration when the accomplishments don't manifest. Sadly, I've seen it too many times, so believe me - you are not alone.

Here's my experience with repression. When I was doing the SEP in 2011, which involves making lists of topics, I realized that my brain was urging me to ignore certain topics in favor of easier and less shameful ones. I had to literally force myself to write down the ones that I wanted to avoid - it was almost like fighting some kind of physical resistance to make my pen write down certain things - it was agonizing. Oddly, once I'd done that part, knowing that I had to choose those things to examine in more detail later on, wasn't nearly as hard. And let me tell you - I still experience the same thing in therapy sessions today, when my practitioner asks a question that makes me squirm. God knows I've got the skills to deflect and distract - we all do - and there's not much that most professional therapists and coaches can do about that if the person unconsciously believes that their very survival depends upon "NOT going there".

Here's my two cents: try mindfully paying attention to when (or if, but probably when) this is happening in your sessions with Dan. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Just acknowledging that this is going on is a starting point for discussion - even if you only discuss the avoidance and the resistance, and manage to put off the actual thing you don't want to examine. You might consider saving the actual topic for a private writing session (remember to throw it out - we're not keeping journals here!).

Caveat: I am one of those "mild TMSers" without any kind of childhood trauma. My lifelong anxiety-fed TMS only came to a lifestyle-threatening crisis of symptoms in the year I turned 60 (that was 2011), triggered by the existential crisis of aging and mortality. Someone with actual early trauma (according to the scale of adverse childhood experiences, referred to as the ACEs) is going to have a much more difficult time with Resistance - that's with the capital R.

 

[Hopeful_Alexandra]

Just wanted to jump in with my two cents. I'm also having a major sciatica issue and somewhat confused also by Dr. Hanscom's "take", which suggests that there are some people with herniated discs and nerve compressions that do not fall into the TMS category (largely people whose symptoms correspond to the 'damage' on MRI). Surely, though, there are people with sciatica, "bad' MRIs, and corresponding symptoms that have healed?
Thanks.

 

[warren23]

I havent been on top of this thread but this is victim mentality. I do this too sometimes and its okay to feel this way but its important to realize what it is and where it is coming from. Most of the people here have had worsening of symptoms even while doing the work. I feel like you should just strap in for the journey without immediately expecting to receive something. You can just do these things because you want to be good for yourself. Treat yourself kindly.

Glad I am not the only one! I am simply frustrated that I have done a lot of good work with Dan Ratner, and my symptoms are still miserable much of the time. Dan believes I still have doubt (I fully agree!), and I continue to work on uncovering any repressed emotions. My primary doubt now, which he calls level 3 doubt, is that I can anything to positively impact the symptoms, given the length of time and how hard I have worked get at the root cause.

 

[warren23]

Question with judgement: is your fear simply of the pain, or is it anxiety? They can absolutely be confused or tangled up together.
I too had unbelievable pain, I could not sit nor walk for about a year. Using the facilities was an act of torture and I needed assistance to bathe and dress. It took me a lot of time to realize that it was the mental suffering I had to work on more than the pain or the fear. It became an extraordinary lesson in realizing that there were unconscious and subconscious fears and RAGE (Sarno!). I tried a few forms of therapy (one therapy mixed with TMS work) but it wasn't until I did EMDR face to face with a therapist I could connect with (who didn't even believe in TMS) that I began to end the mental suffering and get a clearer head to deal with the fear thoughts. The EMDR seemed to get the rest of the stuff out of the way so I could tackle TMS work and mindset work head on. I was still in massive pain but I could move and get to the therapy sessions. Then I did much better with my TMS coach and doing some things to help me manage the fear and the OCD like negative thoughts (anxiety). It was clearer for me what was standing in my way of healing. I tried doing some of Alan Gordon's work at first, but found I preferred minimally guided, long meditations. These helped me get a bit better at feeling how my nervous system was reacting - and I could learn to be a bit softer and respond to the pain over the fear reaction.
We have immediate reactions when we feel the symptoms but gathering a breath, reminding ourselves that thoughts are not truths (this is a BIG part of Dan's work) and deciding "What If this is just TMS?" in the moment helped me re-direct thoughts. I would also literally tell myself I was fine and not dead nor diseased. Adopting the "What If" mindset in a more enlightened way instead of a doom and gloom way really began to help me out.
I'd have some rough spots, hard days, weeks even months but could constantly remind myself that it was working because of the mindset shift.

Like you, no pain medicine worked so I KNEW it wasn't physical.

I actually did go through a period of my feet being numb on the outside about 11 years ago with a round of TMS - I even had nerve tests which showed nerve damage but even without knowing about TMS it didn't make much sense to me. That wasn't my main or most problematic symptom.

When I first found out about TMS my anxiety increased because a) that's the way it seems to work for most people and b) the thought that I was now responsible for my healing instead of handing it over to someone else eg. medical professional who could end my suffering more quickly and me not have to do the work was huge. I didn't realize that for a long time. Then I started to read on this forum and Dr. Handscom's work about self-victimization. I had handed over all my power to someone else to "fix" me and at the time, I apparently had no confidence I could do this work myself. That's when I realized there were deeper issues at play in general within my life and in my self-thoughts and beliefs.

I still have pain. Today I was OK for quite some time but did a lot for where I am at, and as per "expectation" - I began to hurt. My mind just still has it's idea of the limits I can tolerate doing certain things. It makes NO SENSE at all - (which I think you are beginning to realize) - In December I literally climbed a mountain in running shoes and then I dressed up, went out and took a tour of tiki bars! The week before that I couldn't twist or turn. The week after I had foot and knee symptoms (not pain from a work out, like climbing!) . Nonsensical! I stopped asking the WHY's. That's desperation, that's searching for a fix.

I'm wondering if you might look into the work of some other TMS "theorists". Dan has his methods, but I found that mixing methods and tailoring them to my own needs not only helped me feel more powerful and less victimized, I had better outcomes. I think Dan has excellent methods, and his use of the power column was what I found helped me get rid of the self-victimization. But I also found Alan Gordon's work on fear and how it can translate beyond symptoms (in his book he talks about beginning to drive again, and how that was related to fears in general), and especially the work of Claire Weekes - her book Hope and Help For Your Nerves (you can translate her work on "nervous" or "anxiety" to your preferred words of "Fear" and try her concrete methods and see how they go. It's a small book with explicit directions of what to do to help shift a mindset. My one concern with Dan's approach, is that it can be unforgiving re: doubt - he wants 100% doubt free. That didn't work for me. I had to learn to be OK with having some doubt and notice that being 100% doubt free is a perfectionist attitude that didn't benefit me. I need wiggle room because I had too many perfectionist thoughts (and legalistic thoughts) about how I "SHOULD" be as a person. I needed to realize that someone like Dan, who also has had TMS, also has many of those TMS personality traits, and that 100% doubt-free might be one of his. You don't need to meet his goals, only your own.

I also watched Dan's talk about athletes today on Youtube and they really dug deep into some mindset things that aren't often discussed in the TMS world. It might offer you some insights.

I think these ideas give you the opportunity to see you have plenty of options, and are not as backed into a corner as you might feel you are.

Cactus - that is an incredible and pretty dramatic set of symptoms. I have worked with several other coaches in the TMS world, but have found Dan's focus on "doubt" to be incredibly important for me. I have consistently seem that when my doubt rises, my symptoms get worse and vice-versa. I have been working pretty intensely with Dan for about 15 months.

I actually had a long 1-1 session with Steven Ozanich today, which was very illuminating, and I am still digesting. In my mind, Steven O is seeking the highest level of healing. One thing I took away from the session with him is I need to look at my "dark side" and see what unacceptable feelings are lurking inside me.

 

[warren23]

At some point when I see people like yourself, my ultimate inclination is to go back to Sarno's (ie: Freud's) basic repression theory. It's my belief (after 15 years of admittedly non-professional observations) that individuals who believe that they are applying themselves rigorously to the concepts, are actually spending their time and energy on what are essentially distracting activities, believing that they are accomplishing something. As we know from Dr. Sarno's excellent explanations, distractions serve one purpose and one purpose only, which is to help the TMS brain mechanism to continue repressing shit that the person absolutely can not emotionally afford to examine. Eventually, the individuals end up expressing frustration when the accomplishments don't manifest. Sadly, I've seen it too many times, so believe me - you are not alone.

Here's my experience with repression. When I was doing the SEP in 2011, which involves making lists of topics, I realized that my brain was urging me to ignore certain topics in favor of easier and less shameful ones. I had to literally force myself to write down the ones that I wanted to avoid - it was almost like fighting some kind of physical resistance to make my pen write down certain things - it was agonizing. Oddly, once I'd done that part, knowing that I had to choose those things to examine in more detail later on, wasn't nearly as hard. And let me tell you - I still experience the same thing in therapy sessions today, when my practitioner asks a question that makes me squirm. God knows I've got the skills to deflect and distract - we all do - and there's not much that most professional therapists and coaches can do about that if the person unconsciously believes that their very survival depends upon "NOT going there".

Here's my two cents: try mindfully paying attention to when (or if, but probably when) this is happening in your sessions with Dan. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. Just acknowledging that this is going on is a starting point for discussion - even if you only discuss the avoidance and the resistance, and manage to put off the actual thing you don't want to examine. You might consider saving the actual topic for a private writing session (remember to throw it out - we're not keeping journals here!).

Caveat: I am one of those "mild TMSers" without any kind of childhood trauma. My lifelong anxiety-fed TMS only came to a lifestyle-threatening crisis of symptoms in the year I turned 60 (that was 2011), triggered by the existential crisis of aging and mortality. Someone with actual early trauma (according to the scale of adverse childhood experiences, referred to as the ACEs) is going to have a much more difficult time with Resistance - that's with the capital R.

Jan - thank you for such a thoughtful and insightful response. What you are referring to, I believe, is what Steven O. thinks is "TMS'ing" - with a nonstop focus on healing, but never being healed. That fits me to a bill - working intensely for 15 months with Dan Ratner, several coaches before him (Dan Buglio, Charlie Merrill., Miriam Gauci), but none have been able to help me eliminate the sciatica (or even reliably be able to reduce the intensity of the symptoms).

I was able to eliminate terrible GI pain and distress immediately before I had this huge uptick in sciatic pain. In the case of my GI, Charlie Merrill helped me tremendously, but more importantly, I had an "Aha" moment at a wine event where I realized my GI was just fine! It was not a straight line from there, but within 3 weeks, the GI symptoms basically melted away. That was followed within 2 weeks by a big uptick in sciatica, so I had not really resolved the real reason for the GI issues - it was just the symptom imperative at work.

I have tried to uncover sources of possible repressed emotions, but that has not worked yet. I am always on the lookout for repressed emotions, but it just occurred to me that I have not looked that seriously at my marriage as a source of my repressed rage. Believe it or not, this is true! Also, I am 68 and my GI symptoms started at 65, the same age as when my dad died. So, like you, aging and mortality is a big part of my struggle.