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Afraid of the pain

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by lina82, Jun 10, 2016.

  1. lina82

    lina82 Peer Supporter

    I can't help it - right now I'm very afraid of the pain and feel that my situation is quite hopeless...

    It goes up and down. Some days I truly believe in TMS. Other days I believe, like my doctor, that my nervous system has become oversensitive. Can this be a way of explaining TMS?

    My whole life situation is challenging. I'm 34 years old and single. I long for having children and finding true love, but it doesn't seem to happen. I moved back to my small home town when my öast relationship ended 1 year ago. I don't have any friends here. I spend a lot of time with my parents, which just makes me more aware of how empty my social life is. I'm on a sick leave because if the pain that I've had for three years now.

    My hope is that if my life situation would get better the pain would also decrease, but it's hard to keep that hope up.

    It's just a big life crisis and I get so afraid of what my life will turn out to be sometimes. Was this it?

    I guess I just need some support.
  2. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member


    I feel the same way but I do get out and I have somebody which helps ,,,, but my pain as not got any better and I feel like going back on pain meds which I have been off for a year. TMS is a grueling journey stay the course there are great people here that can help.
  3. mncjl123

    mncjl123 Peer Supporter

    If it helps any, I understand.
  4. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hello my love, yes you do need a bit of support and reassurance and that's what we have for you in abundance.

    Firstly let's look at the tms thing. An overexcited nervous system is another way of saying your body has spent too much time in the fight and flee branch of the nervous system and not enough time in the much more lovely rest and digest part. It's very common in the modern world and given much self-love, kindness and gentle care it will return to balance. So yes, it is a tms equivalent or another way of describing tms. We can talk more about this in time. For now please take a measure of comfort in the fact that you are young and lovely, and there is plenty of time to find love and bear children. Life can turn wonderfully in moments so keep your faith my darling.

    Is there a park or a nature reserve near you? One of the most restorative and healing things we can do is spend time in nature. We are children of the earth and a part of Nature and quiet time spent with her is the ultimate tonic. Technology and the fast pace of life are major factors in over sensitisation of the nervous system so it makes sense to cool and soothe our frazzled souls with downtime and rest. Go to Nature everyday. Walk or sit for a time. Trees are great healers. Some feel strong, others feel calm, and yet others have this way of absorbing our anger and sadness and making us feel like ourselves again. A lot of people had a favourite tree as a child and it does well to find that magic again. I'm not saying you have to become a tree-hugger, only that there is a tangible boon in recognising how rooted they are, how beautifully they dance in the breeze and how soothing the shushing sound of their leaves can be. The nervous system responds well to this kind of soul food.

    This period of your life is a great opportunity to reassess and to dream fully into the life you wish to create. So be at ease because a good many of us have been where you are and have come through it stronger, wiser and sometimes shining. We're here for you.

    Sending you a lot of love,

    Plum x
    Balsa11, westb and Ellen like this.
  5. lina82

    lina82 Peer Supporter

    Thankyou so much for your responses. It means so much.
  6. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Lina. I know where you're coming from regarding feeling alone. I'm 86 and never married. I have loving relatives but they rarely call or come visit me. I've been blessed with having wonderful friends, but they've all moved away to other states. I thank God for my dogs. I'm with my fourth dog now and she keep me happy and I love our walks.

    If you can get a dog, I think you will feel a lot less alone. If you can't get a dog, maybe walk a neighbor's dog or visit dogs at a shelter.

    Also, keep your hopes up. Join organizations or volunteer at the library or hospital or senior center so you are around other people. I strongly believe that the Lord puts people in our lives to help us... He's the ultimate matchmaker.

    Meanwhile, don't despair. Keep believing in TMS. I find meditation to be very helpful at times when I'm emotionally stressed.

    Meditation is a time-honored way of relaxing the mind and relieving anxiety, mental stress, headaches, and even physical pain. There are many ways to practice meditation, but many consider the most successful to be a technique called the Relaxation Response (RR).

    It is a wonderful way to practice TMS Mindbody Healing because it changes harmful thinking in the subconscious mind which Dr. John Sarno says causes pain in many people.

    The RR, practiced daily for a few minutes has a profound positive effect on the subconscious mind, relieving or curing everything from inflammation and pain to headaches, stomach problems, insomnia, high blood pressure, to even aiding in recovery from cancer.

    RR is like Transcendental Meditation which is taught by TM specialists who charge hundreds or thousands of dollars. But the RR is free and you can do it yourself.

    It is done 20 minutes once or twice a day, before a meal, and works best if not practiced within two hours after a meal. I do it in bed before arising in the morning and again in bed before falling sleep. Often, I only do it 5 or 10 minutes and it works to calm me and put me to sleep.

    Just sit in a chair (or lie in bed in the morning or at bedtime), close your eyes, don’t listen to any music, and try to avoid outside noises. Let your mind think of a word such as "One " which has no real meaning or association. Or say a calming word such as “Peace,” or add the faith or spiritual element by saying a favorite religious word. Breathe in through the nose, hold the breath for a few seconds, then say the word when you exhale.

    Say the word silently over and over. At the end of the 10 to 20 minutes, picture and feel yourself as you were when you felt your best, and in a place where you felt that way.

    When distracting thoughts arise during the RR, as they will, just tell yourslf, “Oh, well,” and go back to repeating your chosen word. Transcendental Meditation teachers will charge hundreds of dollars to give practitioners a word, but the word you choose yourself in the RR works just as well.

    There are several free videos on Youtube about the Relaxation Response. I especially recommend these two by Dr. Benson:

    Anne Walker and MWsunin12 like this.
  7. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Just a thought: Spending so much time with your parents may be temporarily comforting but also sending your subconscious the thought that you are still a dependent and not a decision maker (as children are).

    Your post was so succinct and clear that you seem to know exactly the process that is keeping you stuck. I'm currently going through the same in my late 50's of feeling like I got too reclusive, etc. Can you go see an old friend for 3 days? Just something to shake up your perspective? Or, take a train or car trip, even for a day.

    You are young. Many years of happiness are before you. It sounds to me like you would be happier taking action. Me, too.

    Wishing you well.
    Balsa11 likes this.
  8. lina82

    lina82 Peer Supporter

    Thank you all! Actually I'm away for a few days now. I've written a musical play that a choir is gonna perform in a music festival tomorrow, so I'm there now to direct them. But I'm so tired and have been in a lot of pain today even if I've been looking forward to this - to get to meet some people that I know. I guess I'm just too exhausted for this now. I sleep very little because of the pain and it feels like my body is so heavy from grief all the time. I dont have energy to do things.

    Thankyou Walt, I will definately look up RR.
    Balsa11 likes this.

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