Day 1 About me and my struggles

Hi everyone. My name is Jaromir, I’m 32 years old and I found this forum, wiki side and TMS concept few weeks ago. I think it was through listening some video regarding trigger point therapy. Here is my story, sorry for its length in advance.

I’m trying to remember when I first realized my health issues. In the end of 2011 I was fit and healthy, just finished my working holiday program in Whistler, BC - Canada where I had the time of my life, full of sporting, partying and all of that. After I returned to Europe I found a job as a sales man in a big company. I found it really fast and since then I work there. I never really thought about what I want to do and to be honest I never imagined myself working regular job before I started one..

Working regular job in office, behind computer screen, doing something what I never studied, listening my boss about how I have to call to people and offer them our machines and so on was kind frustrating at first and very boring after a while.. In the end of 2012 I found a new hobby for myself as I had to do something creative – I started to draw and digitally paint. I discovered concept art, drawing, painting, start studying artistic anatomy etc. It was (and still is) a lot of fun, but I discovered at that time also some pain in my palm and hand. I always had pain in my palm whenever I write for excessive time, so I thought its same stuff and that if I will draw longer I will get over it. Unfortunately this pain was always there and never stopped. It get worse actually..

In summer 2013 I started relationship with my girlfriend and I’m with her since. In the end of year 2013 I went with two of my colleagues for business trip to India. We were there to hand over sold machines, my task was to translate and business communication with customer (sure it was stressful). We were there for four or five weeks and in the last week of our stay I had a terrible blockage of my cervical spine. This happened to me few times before (in childhood as well), so I knew what’s going on. I blamed all that AC with combination with high temperatures outside and thought it’s going to be better soon. As you probably expect, it didn’t. I got rid of actual blockage, but I carry neck pain since then.

Combination of my neck pain and hand pain was getting worse, I tried physical therapy, massage, then I started typical circle – orthopedist then neurologist, orthopedist again, X-Rays, MRI you know that. Of course doctors found some physical issues, one told me my leg is shorter for about 3cm (more than inch), another told me my troubles are from my old shoulder injury (I dislocated shoulder many times in the past). I have winged scapula on that injured side and I believe there are some minor structural changes, but I injured my shoulder long time before all this chronic pain begun. Nothing has been found on my neck MRI. Another orthopedist told me my leg is shorter less then 1 cm, so not such a big deal. But he also found that I have 2nd to 3rd grade osteoarthrosis in both of my hips! After I discovered this I found that my hip pain went worse than ever before (for a week or so). After I accepted the fact and calmed myself about it, it went smoothly out and shows up only occasionally. I tried trigger point dry needling, makes things better for a while, but just temporarily. I was trying Les Fehmi dissolving pain techniques and they also helped me a bit, but I never found enough patience to be consistent for a longer time in meditation.

At the present time, I’m already applying some TMS concepts. I can say I’m convinced more and more, that my pain is originating not just from my structural body changes, but also from my mind. I’m focusing on my inner feelings whenever I feel pain. Sometimes I see obvious patterns, like yesterday I had a head pain and some strange clicking in my ears right after I was feeling angry. But also it is difficult to convince myself that my hand pain is of the same character, as it is with me for a long long time and that it’s not caused by my winged scapulae and all that stuff with my shoulder. My head and neck pain can be sometimes dissolved with some inner talk and meditation, sometimes it’s too strong and I just try to ignore it but it lasts… What is important though is that it’s changing every day, and there is not a big reason for me to have a head pain (specifically it is pain in my right eye, right ear, right temple, right Sternocleidomastoid). It is difficult for me to accept that all of my pain - knee, hips, ribs, shoulder blade, neck, arm, and hand (everything is right sided) is just because of my emotions. My parents are doctors, thereof I know quite a bit about medical treatment and its exact scientific procedure, but also my mom supports me and she herself told me to try psychosomatic approach.

I want to try this structured program, unfortunately I’m afraid I will not be able to follow it every day (sometimes I don’t have time or mood), but that might be no problem though.. I might have troubles to accept some information’s too, as I’m very analytical (kind of scientific) person and I’m always looking for directions rather than clues..

Does anyone have similar symptoms? Do you guy think all my troubles might be just TMS? I’m looking forward to hear from you.

 

Quite likely to be tms... You don't seem to be enjoying your job. Is there any way you could change career or earn money doing something you enjoy? Like your art...
Do the Structured programme - you can just do it the days you have time. Sometimes it is good to have a few days 'rest' from it and other times its hard to wait for the nest days! I did the whole thing and several other similar, doing almost every day in order - but then had a good long 'holiday' from it afterwards. My husband has only done the first week - then has left it for a year or so - but he reckons he will carry on again at some point. As long as you get some understanding of yourself and how your mind/psyche/emotions work - then it is all good! Good luck with it. On the work front - i have changed my life, reduced everything and moved out of my house - so that i can have lots of free time and work much less - it has made me feel so much better....sometimes less is more!

 

Hello and welcome. We are so glad to have you. From what I read it sounds like TMS. What is your personality like? Do you fit the personality of a TMS person as well?
I too have a tough time at work. I posted a question on this in another topic thread on this forum and everyone advised me that it's not the job but my attitude. A lot of them said they also had quit and it didn't help.
I am doing the structured program and I just do it when I can. I'm on Day 12 and it's taken me about a month to get there. I notice I do not like doing it on the weekend and if I think too much about it I need a break.
I look forward to more of your posts : )

 

I think it sounds like TMS. So many of the success stories / success videos I read sound very similar to your experiences. You might be encouraged by reading some success stories. Also, reading one of the books is a great way to get started. I read The Mind Body Prescription and I noticed some improvement while reading it. Just go at your own speed. No pressure.

 

Hi everyone, thank you for your feedback. Hecate105 and Ines - regarding my job. True is Im not 100% happy with my daily work, and I can imagine doing something more satisfyying, but also Im not convinced, that changing my job for another is the right way to go. I agree more with Ines, that it might be more about attitude, than about what I actually do. Before this office job I was always working in a labour position (part time factory - machine operator, building billboards at my friends company, cooking in restaurant). All this jobs where during my academic age, like summer jobs and so on.. I was getting money from my parents also, so not a big deal in regard of responsibility..
As I have university bachelor degree and Im in certain age, I have this feeling, that working as labour is not what I should do anymore, and Im afraid that I will see every office job in same kind of point of view.. I already changed my position, from sales to technical administration position. When its bussy and I have stuff to do, its actually not that bad. But often I have not much to do, so I sit on internet and read or watch videos (about art, woodworking and other hobbies / inetersts of mine, and about fighting the pain - exercising, triggerpoint therapy, psychosomatics etc..)
I also should mention, that my after work life is usually very busy. I live in house with my girlfriend, so working around house is necesity - and I take it as a good exercise. Im also trying to start gardening a little bit (harvesting my own vegetable sounds great to me). Im also slowly building workshop, as I want to do some more seriouse woodworking in the future, I have a little messy studio for my art projects and Im also trying to sport (inline skating is my new sport, which Im learning right now) and Im also walking with my dog at least once a week..
Keeping myself busy is the way I want to fight with my chronic pain. In the past I was only sitting behind my desk and drawing all day long or playing PC games, biking or doing other exercises and sometimes I was pretty bored. After I moved to my girls house I have a lot of stuff to do. She is very bussy with her job and usually she is so focused on it, that during the week she has not much time to help me. At least I often feel it this way.
My relationship is another story. She is very inteligent and hard working. She is vegetarian for ethical reasons, because she dislike killing animals for food (showing her strong comitment). She almost always has different opinion than majority, I feel like she kind of build her image this way. I often feel she is right in her statements, but as I mentioned here in different thread, I think that it is not necessary to say this all the time. Im trying to be friendly and understand others, she is more self confident about her views.. Our characters in this regard are probably pretty different. I love her, but sometimes her behavior awakes a lot of negative emotions in me. I also know that she often dislike my behaving, she always told me that I scream at her (even I dont feel that way, but she might be right), also she thinks about me that Im still my moms little boy. So yeah, there is a lot of stuff to work on, but I guess its in every relationship? This is my first serious relationship so unfortunatelly I have nothing to compare with..
Well thats a quite confession here, Im not sure if this kind of information is good to share on public and if it will help me anyhow at all.. But it definitely helps me to see stuff more clearly.. I guess this should be more part of my journaling, rather than public talk? Anyway thanks again for feedback.

 

Hi Jaromir,

If anyone tells you that their relationship is perfect then they are lying. You're right, I think you can benefit from journaling. Have you tried the Structured Educational Program on tmswiki.org? I've been doing it and it helps a lot. There are guided journal exercises. It seems like you are trying to dig deeper and figure it out and you're on the right track. Good luck and we look forward to more posts.

Ines

 

Well Jaromir, being alone can be worse so you are fortunate too. I grew up in a family of 8. I had 4 children and a fun husband and it seems they all left at once (husband died). Then, to make things worse I took an early retirement and moved to another state. I know this must be part of my TMS because SteveO who wrote The Great Pain Deception talks a lot about abandonment and our need for companionship and connectiveness to humans. You have that although I'm sure it can be challenging.

 

Im sorry to hear that Phoenix. In this light my problems look like pettiness. Sure Im glad I have someone to be with, but it seems to me that fighting with TMS is solo play for all of us.. I hope you have someone close to you to talk with, being alone can be frustrating. Take care.

 

Ines- Im actually already on day3 of SEP. For day2 I didnt journal, so I have to fix that though.. I dont know why but it is actually pretty challenging for me to find the will and time to take a notepad and pen and write.. But I want to give it a try, because I found it in more sources, that journaling might be pretty great to discover ourselves..

 

You are right. TMS is solo play for us if nobody wants to listen. Even my sister who told me about it and saw it work for me, looks uncomfortable talking about it. That's why this site is so good.