1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
    Dismiss Notice

A whirlwind of pain - looking for support

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by bc1016, Jul 24, 2023.

  1. bc1016

    bc1016 New Member

    I'm posting here because while I do journal and stuff independently; I think getting reinforcement from others would really set home that there is nothing wrong with me and this is all just TMS. So before i go on a tirade, thank you in advance

    26, perfectionist, hard worker, put way too much pressure on self in many areas, began to hate myself for the anxieties I have.

    Pain began with back pain at 20 and added on migraines at 21. After finding Sarno at 23 I was fully cured. As I got back in shape, my personality became "what can I get better at", fitness, music, occupation etc. My free time became way too structured, I viewed a day of nothing as a failure. On top of that my job can be demanding with many 13 hour days, so getting home late would frustrate me "ah I wish I had more time so I could get better at x"

    A year ago this month my migraines came back in a different way, rather than visual aura, just like a constant pressure fuzzy feeling in my temples and eyes. One day the pain scared me, nausea etc and in a panic I threw up at work. Since this day I have had a fear of throwing up in public. The pain would be all over the place; and would intensify when anxious, stressed at work, or fearing throwing up in public. I stopped drinking coffee to calm my anxiety and I think I convinced myself these issues were caffeine related not TMS. Well its back. And now it makes too much sense. I feel overwhelmed with pressure at work. I hate going home to a roommate who doesn't contribute. I feel like I'm doing everything. And on top of this I get on myself for not going at my own tasks.

    For a variety of reasons I did a psychedelic therapy session; the point is its supposed to bring up repressed memories and emotions. And wouldn't ya know, I was in a fit of rage the whole time. Fuck this person for wronging me, I hate this etc. It was crazy seeing how right Sarno was

    I'm kind of just writing this post for my own evidence. I've had days where I feel 100% normal. Once stressed or annoyed the pain flares up. Whenever I read something by Alan Gordon or Sarno the pain fizzles down. I was home visiting my parents on a calm visit and there was no pain. It moves around from back, migraine, stomach, lip cuts, pelvis pain. I know its TMS, the bastard just can make it hard on those flare ups when I feel like I'm going to throw up. I just played 3 hours of basketball before writing this, don't think I could do that if the pain was real

    But I'm one hard mother fucker. I've pushed myself in so many areas, this pain does not scare me. I've been here before. Big deal if I throw up at work again, we are all just people; fuck what these people think of me, fuck it if i mess something up, fuck it if i start slacking or am unproductive. All that matters is I love myself and my family loves me.

    Thank you
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Nice piece of expressive writing, @bc1016 - and welcome to the forum!

    So where are you at with mindfulness practices? Do they have a place anywhere in your toolkit of coping mechanisms? If you are the type of person who resists things like meditation or yoga or tai chi, for example, perhaps you might benefit simply by learning about therapeutic breathing practices. These are very pragmatic and scientific and I have to tell you, I can very quickly calm down any kind of GI distress when I put my mind to breathing along with a bit of calming self-talk.

    Therapeutic breathing can cut off the anxiety/rumination cycle in an instant. And, just like meditation or anything else, the more you do it, the better you become at it. Just look up "therapeutic breathing vagus nerve". or try this article and the related podcast which in spite of its apparent title, is in fact about vagus nerve breathing: #334 Three Lessons from Happiness Research | Emma Seppälä — Ten Percent Happier

Share This Page