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A couple of questions

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by JoshB, Dec 1, 2012.

  1. JoshB

    JoshB New Member

    Hey TMS Community,

    This is my first time posting in the forum besides the structured program. Heres a brief summary of what has been going on. I got really stressed out in the spring with school and work and started carrying tension in my shoulders. I started to work and it got progressively worse moving around in my back. I had to stop my summer job. I was really nervous starting school again, fearful which as you know makes the symptoms worse. I tried doing what the doctors and physios said postural etc. was only making it worse. During midterms I felt a low point in my life, anxiety, stress and depression. I had never experienced anything else like it.

    Finally after midterms I felt like there must be something else. I looked online and came across sarnos book. I read it in a week, the fallowing week was amazing. I had found a new hope i was really thinking psychologically. The next few weeks were filled with ups and downs. But i was even suprised to have any good days seeing how it was before I read the book. I started the structured program in the wiki, the back pain moved had some new shoulder pain and tension in the shoulders. This was a good sign.

    But a week ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. Somewhat expected but I was in denial as my main focus at the time was trying sarno's techniques. I have been battling with the emotional side of things from that and trying to complete the structured program.

    The pain is now back to my back from my shoulder. Back to the spots that it knows it can get the most attention from me. Maybe its just there to protect me from the pain of a breakup? Anyways i just had a few questions, I am really in a rut lately. I am pretty sure the program is against anti-depressants? Just wanted to verify because if there was an easier way out I would take it.

    Has anyone else had similar experiences? I truly felt like I was beating my TMS before this happened. I am fearful that I won't be able to get back to where I was.

    Any help would be appreciated,

  2. Lori

    Lori Well known member

    Josh, I would be writing about my feelings. There have to be feelings you are experiencing about the break-up. I journal about everyday things on a regular basis, and a break-up would surely get my attention! Are you angry at her? Sad? I'm sure there are feelings in there. Maybe it's not the break-up at all and that was a trigger for something from the past? In my experience, this is very worthy of some exploration!

    other idea: Tension in the shoulders--do you feel burdened? carrying the weight on your shoulders? Is something "too heavy" for you to handle or something you do not want to handle? Play around with ideas and see which resonates with you most. If something comes to mind, don't dismiss it--if it comes to mind, I believe that is for a reason!

  3. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    Hi Josh,

    I'm sorry to hear about the break-up. Like Lori said journaling can be helpful, or even just giving yourself time to sit with the feelings and feel them without running from them.

    I've been on anti-depressants for a long, long time--multiple doctors told me I couldn't be feeling as good as I do from them, that they were probably a placebo at least in part...but since I've been on them so long I might have side-effects coming off them. So I still take them and I'm pretty much free of TMS. If you're not taking them and you're wondering whether to take them or just do the Sarno approach...hmm...I'm not sure what I would do. Maybe you could talk to a therapist who is open to the Sarno approach and see what they think.

    Over the summer, when I was almost totally recovered, one of my beloved dogs died suddenly. I was afraid it would cause a big TMS flare up but it didn't -- in fact I honestly think it helped me recover faster because it was an opportunity to just feel EVERYTHING without repression.

    Hang in there and be good to yourself.
    Beach-Girl likes this.
  4. Lala

    Lala Well known member

    The flair up after your breakup is certainly in response to the intense feelings of the breakup (sorry by the way, I know how hard it is) but as Veronica said, this response is really a trigger response. The breakup is most likely bringing up feelings of rejection, abandonment and separation rage from your past...even as far back as your infancy. I suggest this book to everyone, because it was so instrumental in my healing...Steven Ozanich's THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION. He (a TMSer himself) takes Sarno's theories to a much deeper level. In Steven's book he talks about the research of Dr. Clancy McKenzie (Psychiatrist)...McKenzie talks about how we all experience some type of separate rage early in life...be it from a medicalized birth, premature birth forcing us to be in the hospital longer and away from our mothers, cold parents, abusive parents, multiple siblings who take away love and attention from us, divorces parents etc. etc. It is refered to as separation "rage" b/c the rage part is the part of your unconscious that is always an immature child (the ID)...this Id demands constant attention and pleasure. When it doesn't get attention and pleasure, b/c of any of the reasons and more I listed above (separation/rejection/abandonement) it becomes enraged and stays that way forever (the unconscious is timeless). The earlier this separation occurs the deeper the rage and often the more difficult and chronic the TMS pain. In these early period of trauma we create ways of coping with the separation...often by freezing/repressing our emotions, rather than feeling them...then all the rest of life's experiences get filtered through this freeze response...building the repressed rage more until boom...shoulder pain, back pain etc.

    You need to start exploring (through journaling, therapy, talking to a confidante) what may have happened earlier in your life...infancy, childhood, adolescence that initiated this freeze response to separation/abandonement/rejection....this will begin to give you some insight into your feelings about your current breakup and then the real reasons for your pain (distraction).

    Best of luck. Let us know how you are doing.
  5. Anna1

    Anna1 Peer Supporter

    Hi Josh, maybe you really are afraid of your feelings around the break-up. As for me: breaking up with someone I love has brought on the most intense pain I ever experienced. Maybe it helps if you remember yourself that this, too, shall pass. The fastest (and hardest) way is right through the emotional pain. Do you have support? It could really help to reach out to friends or to a professional. I know this is much easier for women in general.

    Take care!
  6. JoshB

    JoshB New Member

    Thanks for the responses,

    I am feeling much better today. I knew I had a lot of feelings about the breakup, I just didn't know how my body would respond and that gave me fear. As you know its the fear that get's the best of you, not the actual symptoms. I am pretty sure I am back to were I was before the breakup so I'll just keep doing the program.

    thanks again,

    Lala likes this.

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