I just turned 27 years old and I have gotten to the point of having days where I just don't want to live anymore. Onset was at age 12 of what I now know to be TMS. Memories of myself at age 12 sobbing into my mothers arms, asking her why everything hurt so much and why she couldn't do anything about it are coming back to me as of late. My "fibromyalgia" pain has always moved around over the years with good and bad days/weeks, but over the past 1-2 years I've reached points of such severity and I've been so miserable that life was slowly getting to the point of apathy about everything- my work, my art, my relationships. Now don't get me wrong, of course everything on the outside to the casual observer is peachy keen because I fit "Type A"-perfectionist-in control-makes everything better for everyone else-having it together always TO A T. I discovered Healing Back Pain a couple weeks ago and have since read it once and just started reading it for a 2nd time, as well as watching the doc All the Rage 3x. Within the first few days of reading and watching the doc, as well as swimming 4 days in a row (which I definitely couldn't have done before), the current "attack" I was in subsided. Thrilled (!!) I hoped "Maybe this is the end. Dr Sarno has stories of people being cured immediately after reading the book". I kept telling myself "psychological not physical... there is no tissues damage... there is no inflammation..." Then a few days ago the pain came back- shifted slightly and less nerve, more muscle spasm. It's as if my mind said "Oh she's catching on, lets move it a little and try again." It's amazing that if you haven't read the book for a few days, or you get busy with life how quickly you forget to stay in that mindset and when the pain comes back you start to doubt everything. I'm guessing this is normal, especially in the beginning. It's a battle of wills with some deep part of yourself and I want to find the right tools to win the battle. Which brought me to this forum and this homework assignment. I'm hopeful and I truly believe TMS is what I'm dealing with. They say it takes 21-66 days to break old habits and form new ones so I'm hoping for the discipline to stay on track and not let myself fall back into old habits and doubts. Fellow fighters, lets keep at it.