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22 girl, pain since 16

Caynisa

Caynisa

New Member
Hello
I'm a 22 year old girl who since age 16 have had pain, stiffness, weakness, tingling, numbness, fatigue, some slightly burning sensations in hands/arms/shoulder/neck.
Months up until onset I felt depressed, cried a lot, and for a little year I had been in a 'computer-relationship' which had been quite destructive for me. Daily I spent a Lot of time in front of a computer, weeks up until ultimate pain onset I had felt a bit of pain in my gamer arm.
One night I was feeling terribly cold, couldnt sustain my body temperature, nothing worked. Next day I woke up with the symptoms first mentioned. The first half year the pain was more intense burning than it is now, cutting veggies was climbing a mountain - its rate is now just disabling, with all the first above symptoms.
In Oct I acquired tinnitus, a week after loud noise exposure, 1 day after a heavily stressful event. I haven't been able to attend to school from then, and prior to the tms symptoms highly affected me grades and dreams.
I only remember few nights of great sleep throughout the past years. Mostly I wake up in pain, numbness, then go back to sleep, for then to wake up completely stiff.
The other day I woke up at 8 and remember I didnt feel any discomfort At All, I don't know what I did, but I fell asleep again to wake up in my normal state; discomfort 1 hours later.
I had one week this summer, where I was hardly in pain/discomfort too, there were brief moments of it, just hardly anything like normal.
Anyway, physiotherapists havent done anything worthy, my gp told me "youre young and healthy, go home",
a rheumathologist sent me off with "it isn't gout, go away", and a neurologist told me "it always hurt a bit when exercizing, there's nothing wrong with you, you're young".

Seemingly what is considered as nothing wrong has however put me on the verge many times, so as classical medicine doesn't acknowledge me, here I am.
I don't dare having ambition for the future, everything I do, and while doing the things I like to do I am in discomfort.
My body feels to be deteriorated, disorders which might come with age, started crippling me in teens, I'm looking for advice, help, hope. Also other young persons who are/have been going through tms would be highly appreciated.
I dont know where to start I dont know what to do, I only know one way to end it which would be the start of even more pain to my loved ones, and now I'm tearing up.
thanks

edit: I've had some degree of death/health anxiety since young age, which I'm currently seeing doctors for. As I emphasize the physical symptoms to be my main concern, I'm currently being diagnosed mentally to possibly put me in an anxiety therapy group. The thing is, if I eradicate the physical ones, prior to getting them I felt greatly discontent with life.
 
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Caynisa, you wrote your heart out in your post and it alone is going to help you.
You have seen enough doctors to know your pain and anxiety are not structural,
and it's great that you learned about TMS and this web site. I'm not your age, in fact
I'm 84, but got over my severe back pain by accepting the fact that it was caused by
TMS repressed emotions.

I know many others your age who share the same pains and anxieties and even have
contemplated "the big sleep." They worked their way to becoming pain free and new happy,
healthy people, and you can, too. Tens of thousands of people have gone through what you are
and found new lives.

I suggest you read Dr. Sarno's book, Healing Back Pain, and start the free Structured
Education Program at this web site. Both will help you begin your way toward being
healthy and happy.

Go to amazon.com books and read the reviews others have given that book and you
will see you are not alone in pain or healing.

Also, read and study Dr. Sarno's 12 Daily Reminders in the above book.
I'll print them below:

Return daily to this forum and meet new friends who are either going through what you are
or have healed already. We're like a friendly club of people who once felt as discouraged
as you do, but now have new, more sunny outlooks on life.

You will need to think about your early childhood for repressed emotions that are the real
cause of your pains and depression. We all had them. Once we recognize them we learn
to accept them and then forgive and let them go. Then we become pain-free and happy again.

The 12 Daily Reminders:

1.The pain is due to TMS,not to a structural abnormality
2.The direct reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation
3.TMS is a harmless condition caused by my repressed emotions
4.The principal emotion is my repressed ANGER
5.TMS exists only to distract my attentions from the emotions
6.Since my back is basically normal there is nothing to fear
7.Therefore,physical activity is not dangerous
8.And I MUST resume all normal physical activity
9.I will not be concerned or intimidated by the pain
10.I will shift my attention from pain to the emotional issues
11.I intend to be in control-NOT my subconscious mind
12.I must think Psychological at all times,NOT physical.
 
Hello Walt

I really appreciate your response, it means the world. The thought of it not being structural is a relief, the thought of getting a clue really is, and knowing my muscle capacity etc works is a boost in itself.
Just an addition to my short intro: since 2011 when I saw some tv report on anthrax attacks, I developed heath/some death anxiety which was never properly looked into.
From 2011 and many years forward I used to be sick a lot, normal settings could make me nervous of catching some lethal or handicapping illness, which would render me with serious flu symptoms. That disappeared as I turned 16 with that internet relationship - I broke some of the anxiety patterns while being in the relationship. However, it was destructive, months prior to TMS symptoms onset I would be depressed, and cry because I just wanted a real boyfriend I guess (who wanted me despite flaws etc). Weeks prior to onset I'd be so angry and depressed, in front of my computer I'd cry and I remember tensing the muscle in my arms and hands while looking at them, trying to get the anger out or so.
(I don't recall much from the time) One evening I was so incredibly cold, and couldnt sustain body temperature, in some way I felt quite emotionally numb, next day I woke up going from cold to burning. I remember the process of becoming a bitter person, angry, opposite the times I used to be an optimist.
Another thing is my body, feet and joints always crackled out loud, back when I felt good too. Now my neck, and chest does it too.

I've read what you said a couple of times today, words can't describe my appreciation, and I'll definitely look into that book first and then program.
So many thoughts go through my mind right now.

Others feel free to provide input too.
all best
 
Caynisa, I feel for you. Sadly I'm not young any more (ha ha!) but I have had similar experiences to you and over a long period of time and I am getting much better following a TMS approach to healing. I too had symptoms at a very early age but really, age is incidental to the pain. Most people on the forum are older than you but that may simply be because they have accumulated stress more slowly than you or maybe because they have had a larger personal 'reservoir' to stuff their stress, emotions and anger into before it overflows and becomes physical pain. Whatever! It doesn't really matter. What matters is now and the future.

It sounds like you've been checked out and told there's nothing wrong so transform that frustration you feel at this diagnosis into relief;it means there is nothing to stop you healing. I would second Walt and recommend 'Healing Back Pain' and the SEP. I also found Schubiner's book extremely helpful. Read up on it all and check out posts by Forest, Eric and Walt to name just a few- they have quantities of good common sense and reassurance -and then just start believing.

Don't rush, don't push yourself unless you feel ready. Be kind to yourself. Journal about your past emotions. Start looking at present pressures imposed on you by others and by yourself and bit by bit start pushing the boundaries of what you can do.It's taken me a long time to improve but I am so much better than I was. There was no magic bullet or quick cure for me just lots and lots of persistence. I hope to keep on improving gradually but I am already happy with what I have achieved.

The longest journey starts with the first step. You have taken that step. Don't get caught up in symptoms, they are just messengers telling you that all is not well with you and nothing more than that. Look inside yourself for the answers.

Good luck!
 
Solange, thanks, I've been alone for too long with it, it's good not to feel that alone anymore. I have lots of reading to do it seems! And no time to look back with bitterness with the hope provided here :)
I've seen quite a few psychologists these past years, they all ask you "How can I help you", had I known I wouldnt have paid them hah. Despite all the talks with such, it clearly seems like I still need to address my issues - I turned so bitter at the time of tms onset, that needs handling for one.

I hope to improve just as much as you have, hopefully we'll both improve furtherly than that :)
It's fun, as I feel I've taken the first step so many times, my tinnitus onset couple of months ago was just a horrible wake up call, I must do this before giving up atleast!
 
If you turned bitter at the onset of TMS pain, it means to me that you are suppressing anger and
Dr. Sarno says that's the main cause of TMS pain. Over years, anger turns into internal rage and
our unconscious mind gives us pain so we will think about the emotions that caused the anger-rage.

IN TMS healing we call "journaling" the best way to discover our repressed emotions,
writing about 20 minutes a day, and thinking about our childhood. Dr. Sarno and others say
that's where most if not all of our repressed emotions are.

You're no longer alone. We are a "club" of people who have recovered or are recovering from pain,
and it's always TMS -- psychological not physical or structural.
 
I turned extremely bitter at that point, angry at circumstances and I did have a long period of emotional numbness as it was overwhelming.
Also at a younger age until age 16 (couple of months before tms onset) I used to have irritable bowel, which diminished completely after confronting some fears and anxieties - so the history and belief of it to be psychosomatic is definitely in order :)

I see Walt. Well it's odd as I feel through countless psychologists visits that I've spoken so much about the bitterness, clearly there's still something there anyhow.
Well I'm happy that childhood isn't that far away as I find it incredibly hard to remember lol. Another thing is prior the my breakdown, I hard the sharpest memory, now age is taking it's toll hihi :p

I feel very fortunate to randomly have found this forum, and also in a sense to have had such great physical symptoms before that was clearly made up emotionally.
I come to think about the power and effect of placebo, also the power of a 'fake-pregnancy', how the mind can manifest itself so greatly and physically.

In any case whether one has tms or not, as much as the physical aspect may have huge impact on one and how that is generally acknowledged, imagine what power the mind has.
 
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