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when someome ask how you feel today or how have you been feeling

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by stevow7, Nov 18, 2019.

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  1. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    do you really say how you feel or do you say something else?

    what if i feel sad and people ask how i feel? i used to say i feel sad or horrible, because i was actually feeling that way. i sometimes still say it, sometimes i try modify it and make it sound better, but am i feeding tms by saying i feel bad today?
     
  2. healingfromchronicpain

    healingfromchronicpain Well known member

    Good question. I always hated that question and simply answered with, “I’m OK.” That way I wasn’t being too negative, even though I felt like crap. I couldn’t bring myself to say I was feeling fine, because I wasn’t. I felt like “Ok” was a good compromise.

    Looking at it now I feel like “ok” is ok, because knowing it’s TMS , I know I have the capacity to feel better, so even if I feel crappy now, I’m “ok” because I’m in the process of healing.

    The question that came to me when reading your question was, are we feeding TMS by being honest? Seems not being honest with ourselves is also something that could feed TMS. So I think we should be as honest as we can, but know that we’re on a path of improvement, even if that path isn’t straight.

    I guess I wouldn’t say I feel like total crap (since negative speech and thoughts can perpetuate those feelings), even though that might be the honest truth at the moment. So I think I still like my “I’m ok” response: non-negative, neutral, open to getting better. :)

    I’m curious to hear other opinions.
     
  3. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    what i meant to ask is that, when it comes to TMS, are we suppost to answer with all honesty when people ask us how we are or should we hide that feeling and say something else?

    i think your way of doing it is pretty good.

    thanks for replying!
     
  4. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    This to me is tied to the idea of outcome independence. If I was in physical pain (having TMS symptoms) but in a good mood. I would say "good!" because your mood should be independent of whatever is going on physically in that moment. If I was feeling upset or down about something and it was someone close to me then I would confide. If it's more of an acquaintance or colleague, "pretty good" or "really good" depending once again on my emotional state. The more you behave a certain way, the more the world reflects that back to you. Attitude is everything in life.
     
  5. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    thanks a lot for replying!
     
    miffybunny likes this.
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think how you answer is totally up to you, being as honest, or as dishonest as you want, taking care of yourself. If you're getting beat up by the superego when you take care of yourself with a little social lie like "fine," then you need to see this and make space to present yourself in the way that makes it easeful for you.

    Reading this thread I think that when most people ask this question in a genuine way, they are expressing their caring. They want us to know they care for our wellbeing. Their care for you may be more true than their need for any real specific information. To acknowledge this care by saying "thank you for asking me" is a way I can appreciate the other's inquiry. By saying this, I get to express my appreciation, and by saying this, I feel the other's appreciation for me more deeply too.
     
  7. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    hello andy! what exactly did you meant by “If you're getting beat up by the superego when you take care of yourself with a little social lie like "fine," then you need to see this and make space to present yourself in the way that makes it easeful for you.”?

    thanks for replying!
     
  8. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi stevow7,

    I apologize for misreading the gist of your post! I thought you were feeling guilty for not "telling the truth." But I see you're looking for "whether this fuels TMS, to be honest about feeling bad," for example.

    Healingfromchronicpain and miffybunny gave you much better answers!

    My two cents worth however is that to be honest with your feelings about sadness will not increase symptoms, especially if you're telling someone who really wants to know.

    On the other hand telling others about TMS symptoms probably does fuel them, as has been suggested.

    Again, my apologies!!

    Andy
     
  9. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    thanks a lot for replying!
     

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