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Want to heal? Stop trying to heal!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Jules, Apr 4, 2018.

  1. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    I don’t use that phrase lightly, only because I know the more that I do, the worse my pain gets. After 5+ years of doing this TMS work, I have come to accept that for me, obsessing over trying to heal and doing tons of TMS work, and constantly thinking psychologically, is just making me worse. So, I have decided that I am letting go and I am stopping trying to heal. Years ago, I would have my pain where it would move around, but I dealt with it and I moved on. Now, because I have been doing so much work and have exhausted myself, literally, trying to heal myself, my brain has basically given up the ghost. On top of my regular pains that I have always had, I have now added horrible restless leg syndrome and peripheral neuropathy that has caused me to have the pins and needles as well as aching and throbbing pain in both arms, and horrible throbbing pain in my legs at night.

    Because like you, I am a perfectionist and problem solver, I thought digging into this 100% even 110% like Steve did, was going to be my answer. However, I am just focused on healing all the time and it is not working. I never knew or never thought that healing after reading a book was going to be in my future. Not only have I been in that psychotherapy for 3+ years, I’ve also been in TMS therapy for a number of months, and nothing is really working. The only thing that I did last year when a lot of my pain went away was to completely forget about it. I stopped trying to heal. I just worked and I walked and I focused on life one day at a time. Because I wanted 100% resolution, I went overboard. I now have to accept that maybe I’ll never get to hundred %, and that is OK. I have to accept who I am now and realize that whatever happens, it is what it is.

    Because of this decision, I am foregoing all therapy, as well as the support system on this board, which has been wonderful in the past. It’s time for me to move on, and if my body or my brain is going to heal itself, it’s going to have to do it on its own terms. I wish everybody here all the luck and all the joy and happiness that they deserve.

    Peace out.
    Ines, Kevin Barry, Kerrj74 and 4 others like this.
  2. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    I wish you the very best. I had to do the same thing myself in order to begin healing.

    May you heal.
    May your life become more beautiful than you imagine possible.

    With much love and many blessings,

    Plum x
    Ines, JanAtheCPA and Jules like this.
  3. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    You have to believe you are already healed. I’ve spoken to Steve Ozanich about this, and he’s right. This is why trying to heal or focusing on percentages doesn’t work - it reinforces that there’s something wrong with your body (which the brain will use as an opportunity to create symptoms), but there isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re already healed. Believe it, and it will come. We create our own reality and attract what we believe.
    Ren, Lainey, Lynn S and 2 others like this.
  4. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    With all due respect, I did believe I was healed, did daily mantras and told myself numerous times a day, there was nothing wrong with me, etc...,did brain exercises, did journaling, did psychotherapy, Stayed active, got a job, and did everything and then some. I went through 5+ years of this therapy. I’m not only not better, I am worse. Sometimes, it’s not always emotional, and I have to accept that.
    Kerrj74 and Kevin Barry like this.
  5. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    Trying to heal isn’t full belief, because you still believed there was something to heal, even if you didn’t think it was structural. Those methods you listed may work for some, but not everyone. I think you’re taking a better approach now. Focusing on TMS and healing can sometimes be another way of TMSing; sometimes we don’t see it that way, but our subconscious might.

    What you said right here is genius:

    Last edited: Apr 4, 2018
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  6. andy64tms

    andy64tms Well known member

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  7. Kerrj74

    Kerrj74 Well known member

    I can completely relate. I feel like you are telling my story. I have all the classic TMS traits and history. I have been doing all the same things as you for years and nothing ever helps. I exhausted all the physical options then spent a year convinced it had to be TMS doing psychotherapy, journaling, meditation, etc. I knew it had to be TMS. It made complete sense, but I never improved one bit. I didn’t avoid living. I exercised daily and kept telling myself nothing was physically wrong. Yet here I am still in constant pain. I feel out of options and hope. I wish you the best.
    Jules likes this.
  8. Duggit

    Duggit Well known member

    If years of TMS work and psychotherapy have not worked for you, it makes no sense to continue. You might find the following 50-page handbook, available at Amazon, a useful supplement on your new path: Moseley & Butler, The Explain Pain Handbook.
  9. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS Consultant

    Jules, you said you went overboard in healing but I don't remember you ever contacting me, I'm sorry. But you just confirmed many things I've written and lectured on.

    You can "do" all you want and it will not change until you understand deeper. Therapy is ok but worthless at times and programs more often short term fixes. Andrew has the right idea here.

    The pain skews our clarity and obfuscates our desires and shortens our patience which is why compassion builds the bridge to peace. Your "trying to heal" is your biggest mistake, I have that listed as the #1 mistake on my website which I'm sure you saw. Suffering does not mean one is ready to heal, it means they are not ready. I just talked about this on my FB page, Lao Tzu wrote in verse 71 of the Tao, "if one is sick of sickness then one is not sick...the sage is sick of sickness therefore the sage is not sick."

    I'm asking you to relax and breathe, your time is near but you have to see through clear lenses and then you will be able to adjust. Trying to get to 100% insures you will never get there, a flower cannot be forced open. All you can do is set up your environment and then let it happen. It does not "happen" it already is. This is why healing is not a destination, if you see it as a thing to "get to" then you project it outward and it never happens.
    Nana, Ren and Click#7 like this.
  10. miquelb3

    miquelb3 Well known member

    In my honest opinion TO STOP DOING, after a period of knowledge, understanding AND full acceptation, is a very smart decision !

    But TO STOP DOING is not just to stop trying to heal, to stop thinking psychologically, to stop journaling,... TO STOP DOING means first and foremost to stop ruminating, to stop worring, to stop observing you body, to stop fearing for the future, to stop unhealthy selfdoubting, to stop regretting the past, to stop obsessing, to stop catastrofying,... to stop many... many things that you (we) do constantly every five minutes... in an unconscious/automatic way. That's the great challenge: unlearn our selfdestructive habits and patterns, so toxic, so addictive.

    Good luck !
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle


    This is all about tension.
    Nothing more. Nothing less.
    Just tension.

    You've spent years going down rabbit holes. You've tried to decipher the Yodaesque riddles of 'those who have healed'. You've turned yourself inside out in going above and beyond.

    Now is the time to use those 2 very powerful magical words.

    "Fuck it."

    Get outta here. Don't look back. Don't worry if TMS plays the gremlin in your mind. No more trying. No more tension.

    Remember, not only did I do this myself, I also introduced swathes of pleasure into my life. Give yourself a break and gift your beautiful self with the rush of freedom kicking all the bs into touch will give you.


    Plum x
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  12. Jules

    Jules Well known member


    I contacted the Pain Clinic and did Skype sessions with a TMS intern for about 4 months. Since I have no TMS doctor in my area, I’ve just been seeing a psychotherapist in my area for about 3 years now.

    And believe me, I have researched and learned more about myself and TMS, maybe as much as you have, even though I didn’t write books about it. I do understand and I did acccept 100%, and I have tried everything I can possibly imagine. I’m not saying I don’t believe in TMS, because I absolutely do. I just feel like I can’t do this indefinitely without lasting results. You know the saying, if you do something over and over again and get the same result, it’s just insanity.

    Like the cancer patient who has done everything they can possibly do to cure their cancer or to give them more time, sometimes they just have to accept their fate. I could go down more rabbit holes, and was just about to with a functional neurologist who wanted to basically pick apart my brain and figure out what’s going on, which would cost me a lot with money I don’t have. I heard wonderful things about this particular neurologist and many therapies to help retrain the brain, basically more extensive than what TMS therapy is. However, I have already spent so much money on this. I’m tired, and I think it’s just time to live my life as I did before. Although, I do have a better understanding of who I am and I do have tools to help lower my stress response.

    I know you said that your number one mistake was trying to heal, but it paid off for you. You got well, you got rid of your pain. I’ve done the whole gamut of one extreme to the other, and even in between. It’s only gotten worse. I just don’t know how much further I can go or how much longer I can go, without feeling like hope it’s just an elusive thing that I just can’t seem to grasp and hold onto, because the tunnel just keeps getting longer and longer.
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2018
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  13. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    I have read the handbook, as well as probably 15 other books on everything to do with TMS, chromic pain, neuroplasticity, and ANS dysfunction, but thank you for the suggestion.
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  14. Dorado

    Dorado Beloved Grand Eagle

    I truly believe the best thing you can do is stop monitoring the physical symptoms, get off the forums and disengage from all programs for a bit, and just live your life. To be honest, your responses still sound like you’re TMSing and overthinking to me (and nobody can judge, because we’ve all been there). We all heal differently from one another, and some of us just need to stop everything after we already know so much.

    You said yourself that you achieved a reduction in symptoms when you stopped caring and didn’t do anything - take that as a sign that this approach is what you need. Stop thinking about it, stop writing about it, stop talking about it (like you did when you forgot about it), and just be. We’re always here to support you, but you already know what works for you. :)
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2018
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  15. balto

    balto Beloved Grand Eagle

    a wise man once tell me: "why the hell you want to heal? Heal from what? Your body function exactly the way it were design to function". You put shit in your head and your body will feel like shit."
    when the temp is high we will feel hot. When the temp is low we will feel cold. When there is too much tension, frustration, stress,... negative emotions we will feel tms pain.
    trying to heal create tension. Not healing after trying so hard for so long create frustration, lots of frustration. No matter how many methods your try, no matter how many books you have read, tension and frustration will hold you back from being "normal".
    Neil, Ren, nancy and 5 others like this.
  16. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    hello Jules, it is my modest opinion that if you write this is because you are actually asking for help because until now things have not changed as you wanted, so .. always in my modest opinion .. it is not as if you gave up, but more than you are angry. I understand that you have tried in every way and you have exercised a lot. I did it too ... big mistake !!!! At some point of my exercises I said to myself ... why do I do so much work every day so obsessively? it's not making me heal before .. I feel worse before!take things calmly .. this way of thinking puts so much pressure on you ... it's not good and makes you feel bad ... in the physical sense, because your emotions literally turn into pain for now...there is someone who is sick inside you and you are not listening to her ... and she is always shouting louder looking for help looking for love . Forgive me if I tell you this in this way but try to reflect and see if it sounds ... more you fight your pain without understanding why it is there and more you will be hurt .. you're not really accepting your status today .. you do not want it with you .. and I understand .. but it is there and is telling you that you have to change way, because you're not treating yourself with love!
    You said well ... when you say .. well I'm exhausted ... stop and I accept things like this ... because this is what you have to do .. accept your pain even if it is so terrible.. this is the first rule..and if this means that you exercise less .. it was so well, because you do not have to think about sending away the pain but try to understand why it is there and what it is saying ..

    from the book of claire weekes .. chapter 6
    From this discussion you will appreciate that true acceptance is the keystone to recovery, and before you continue with the examination of your other symptoms we should make sure that you understand its exact meaning.
    I find that some patients complain, “I have accepted that churning in my stomach, but it is still there. So what am I to do now?” How could they have accepted it while they still complain about it?
    Or, as one old man said, “After breakfast the churning starts. I can’t just sit there and churn. If I do, I’m exhausted after an hour, so I have to get up and walk around. But I’m too tired to walk around, so what am I to do?” I said to him, “You haven’t really accepted that churning, have you?” “Oh yes, I have,” he answered indignantly. “I’m not frightened of it any more.”
    But he obviously was. He was afraid that after an hour’s churning he would be exhausted, so he sat tensely dreading its arrival, shrinking from it when it came and worrying about the exhaustion to follow. Of course the churning, itself a symptom of tension, must inevitably come while so tensely awaited.
    I tried to make him understand that he must be prepared to let his stomach churn and to continue reading his paper while it churned. He must try to loosen that tight hold on himself, literally let his body sag into the chair and go toward, not shrink from, any feeling his body brings him. Only by so doing would he be truly accepting. In this way, and only in this way, would he eventually reach the stage when it would no longer matter whether his stomach churned or not.
    Then, freed from the stimulus of tension and anxiety, her nerves that release the adrenaline would gradually calm down and the churning would automatically be attenuated and finally ceased."""""

    from chapter 9

    """""Having faced and accepted the disturbing sensations of nervous illness, your next question will be, “How long before I am myself again?” Now, it is almost certain that, despite your new approach to your illness, your symptoms will continue to return for some time—perhaps, at first, as acutely as before you read this book. You will understand this when you appreciate that your adrenalin-releasing nerves will continue to be fatigued and sensitized for some time longer, in spite of the new approach.I often find that after talking for the first time to a nervously ill patient, he leaves the consulting room elated and convinced he is cured, sure that he has found the magic wand at last, only to return a few days later, disappointed and depressed, in spite of a warning that this could happen. I explain again that his nerves need more time to respond to the new approach; that he is like a runner in a race who, having touched the goal and won the race, must continue to run some yards before he can stop. When these people finally understand and accept this, they take heart. Understanding and willingness to let more time pass finally work the miracle.Calm acceptance, despite delayed recovery, is your goal. However, although you understand and try to accept calmly, at first you may find calm acceptance very difficult. Do not be disappointed. In the beginning it is enough to direct your thoughts toward acceptance. Calm acceptance will follow in time.""""

    stop thinking ... relax and take all the time, it will be fine!! have fun if it helps you take some painkiller and proceed towards your life. courage .. I give you my best wishes.
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  17. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    Thank you for your thoughtful words and words to help me ponder more clearly. Claire weeks is very prolific and brilliant writer, as well as doctor. I have overcome a very severe panic disorder that left me agoraphobic twice - one for a year or so and another one for nearly 5 years. Once I learned the tools and how my body got into the habit of panic, I was able to control it and overcome it.

    Pain is a little bit different, and has been with me longer, although I was anxious as a child. It seems when I’m not anxious, I’m in pain, and when I am anxious, I’m not in pain. Last year, when I got my first job in 20 years, I felt on top of the world. I felt at that time that I was finally letting go of this stranglehold the pain had a over me.

    It got to a point where I stopped liking the job just because of the monotony of it, which then the pain started coming back and using me as an excuse to, once again, protect me.

    I am not afraid of the pain anymore and I have learned to acccept it. The last few weeks, if I hurt, I take a pain pill or I do heating pad or icy/hot. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will heal in my own due time. Sometimes, it’s hard to think this is completely emotional, just because I have genetics that predispose me to diseases, like rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and thyroid problems. Because, my mother and my sister and my grandmother all suffered from health problems, it’s really hard to think of myself as someone who is completely devoid of that.

    Anyway, I feel freer than I have in a long time, with the decision that I have made. I have all the tools that I need and I have done many things to retrain my brain. I think at this point, I just need to move on and forget the pain is an issue or that I need to continue fighting it. As an example, I just got an interview for a new job tomorrow and I am confident that if I do get it, I will make every effort to enjoy it and live as if there is nothing wrong with me. If something does happen in the future, well then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
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  18. Kerrj74

    Kerrj74 Well known member

    Jules, once again I can relate to you. I am either in severe anxiety mode or pain. It goes back and forth for me for decades. I had been suffering debilitating anxiety for a few years due to a tough work situation causing me never ending worry. I couldn’t function. The moment I was finally able to get a great new job, the anxiety vanished, and back pain come out of nowhere and hasn’t stopped for the past 17 months! That can’t be a coincidence. There must be something going on that caused that to happen. I believe this is TMS, but yet I can’t seem to do anything to make it better. That’s my frustration.

    My biggest issue with all of this TMS related advice is this.... how does one just accept it or do all of the things people are saying to do when you are in constant pain? I can’t get past the pain long enough to stop thinking about it! how does one stop focusing on the physical body and pain when they feel like there are hot razor blades implanted inside their lower back 24/7 for years? That’s what I cannot figure out. I believe this is TMS but I can’t get past the pain for a second to focus on anything but the pain.
  19. Jules

    Jules Well known member

    It sounds like you have some major issues that maybe you need to deal with. Have you gone to therapy to see maybe with underlying rage maybe? I have not been 24/7 excruciating pain, and my pain moves around quite a lot. It’s hard when you are in pain to just let things go. I think I remember Steve saying that you’re not trying to get rid of the pain, you’re just trying to change the way that you react to it, which is in relation to stress, a hamster on the wheel type thing, where you just keep going around and around and things get triggered, and then you get stressed, and then you get pain.

    The issue is changing the fear you have around the pain, and a reaction to the stress that it provokes. Steve did say something that hit me, and that was the little girl inside of me is still trying to figure out where she fits into my life, so she keeps giving me pain to get me to accept her.

    Also, you may want to really delve into central nervous system dysfunction, or on autonomic nervous system dysfunction. Our brains get in the habit of being in pain and therefore, it keeps sending danger signals to our ANS to continue to elicit pain, because it feels like it’s trying to protect us. That’s the most frustrating thing about this is that from whatever trauma you had back when, the brain has now gotten into this negative thinking that stress or trauma brings on pain, and therefore your brain continues to feed it. It’s a vicious cycle, and what I have been trying to get control of for quite some time now.

    I hope you can get a handle on your pain, because back pain is the worst.
    Kerrj74 likes this.
  20. Kerrj74

    Kerrj74 Well known member

    Thanks for that advice. I really believe in the nervous system points you make. I bring up nervous system, pain pathways, conditioning. and TMS to every doctor I see, and they all dismiss the ideas so quickly! None of them can confidently pinpoint a valid structural problem, but they all practically laugh at every other non structural possibility I ask them about. So frustrating.

    Yes, I have been doing psychotherapy for about 10 years now. Definitely a lifetime of perfectionism and fear of failure, but talking through all that and journaling never helps with the pain.

    Thanks again. You give me hope. That means a lot.

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