very personnel message to share

I have literally just created a thread and am now writing another one - I'm giving being vulnerable a go and too desperate not to ask for more help;
So here is the back to back text messages between me and my mum over the last 5 minutes:
for context I'm 41 my mum is disabled and 71 we live 300 miles from one another.

Mum: Are you still talking Levothyroxine ?
Me: yes
Me: But I have asked that we don't discuss my health and medicine / medical assessments. I'd really appreciate it if we could stick to that boundary please. (FYI this is something I'd never normally write)
Mum: Jeez I really don't like the way you speak to me.

Then (to my complete surprise) I burst into uncontrollable sobs of tears - heart pounding. Normally, well normally I wouldn't have requested she stick to my boundaries, normally I'd probably write something I know she'd wanted to hear, I definitely wouldn't cry ! - I feel this sudden outburst of tears is important but I don't know why or what to do with it.

10 minutes later
MUM: I guess I just got upset because I worry about you and miss seeing you we used to be so close.

I'd never normally share such vulnerable personal details but I'm so desperate to live again.

 

Congratulations to you on setting a boundary and sticking to it. It's very hard and takes courage. It's normal for it to cause a flood of emotions. This is living. It comes with lots of emotions, good and bad. Just experience them and don't analyze them too much.

And keep up the good work. We're all here to support you.

 

Dee!
Good for you!!! ❤️ (hug!) You are absolutely doing the right thing to share your vulnerability with us. It will open up a whole new world of healing.

It’s awesome you defined a boundary and it’s awesome you defended it. Probably the reason you cried is you’ve wanted to defend it against your mom your whole life. The tears were because you were finally FEELING something, instead of stuffing it. And maybe because it’s scary to stand up to people when you are a TMSer. I’ll bet there’s some anger under there somewhere, too.

You did great! And if you keep up the good work you will get better. There’s so much to learn and it takes time. So enjoy the journey. Each little victory.

In the structured educational program, they teach you ways to release these emotions. One way is to write a letter to your mom that you won’t send. You could try that. Say everything you wish you could and get it all out.

Great job!

 

Thank you for the kindest and support, on reflection it feels like real self care. Odd I always thought that meant having a bath or massage. I'm learning so much in such a short time period.

 

That is a fantastic idea. Thank you and thank you for the support.

 

Your Mum and mine could have been twins.

 

maybe we should introduce them lol !

 

I wrote the unsent letter to my mum this morning - it was really interesting what came up, I also wrote a very angry letter to the perfectionist part of me (in the third person) a couple of days ago, that was even more powerful and has help me catch my thoughts a few times - I like this technique a lot. FYI she's a bit of a twat and I'm not sure I want her to hang around quite so much.

 

Wow, that’s great. You’re really doing some good work! It’s inspiring me.

 

I read this topic in the morning and it inspired me as well. I was upset. I've been upset for quite some time. After reading this thread I had a discussion with someone. The reason for my sadness was this person and his actions. I took care of it, having this open honest way of communication. It was a good decision to sort out the issues, finally. I feel better after it. I got dressed and went for a short walk outside, in nature.

I wrote a letter to my parents years ago, I was in the hospital at that time. I never sent it to them, I got rid of it. It's a very good technique...this. I'm going to use it more often. I guess we have to adapt and do something ... anything in order to be able to function properly. It's not easy to live in pain AND to put up with sh!# over and over again. To be kind and considerate with people is a nice trait but we need to be kind and considerate towards our own self as well.

 

Thank you for sharing Sita - its funny what comes up when you start to have a dig around I had always though I quite liked myself but that's just more bollocks, I have actually been in a rather abusive relationship with myself for many years, these techniques and this forum are helping me see the truth. I have a lot of work to do but for once I'm not rushing to get it finished - I'm not sure there's even a finish line.