So as far as now I have written through some problems and wrote some unsent letters. For the moment I have had some days I felt better like last tuesday which was weird cause I had a rough weekend with working and going out (I do control myself a bit by not going out too late) and the monday I also was in bed at like 3 am because I was out with friends and the next day I had to work at 8 and I expected it to be hard but I had a good day. On the contrary last thursday, went to bed normal times tuesday and wednesday I had a terrible day out of nothing with much fatigue and headache. So it's going a bit weird all over. The main things I do at the moment are: -Thinking I am safe at the moment (I do look less around for dangers or exits so thats good) -Thinking might as well make myself comfortable even if I am late can't change that (makes my body when I think about at the moment more relaxed). -Think psychologically (I do this but it doesn't has a direct reaction) -Think you don't have the symptoms -Say no to the mind like no don't give me a headache now there is structurally nothing wrong with me So maybe there is something changing maybe not, it's not quite clear to me now. I did notice with the assignment with writing down some traumatic/emotional problems I could write down a lot fast. Furthermore I also notice that emotions aren't my strong point (they were suppressed growing up) and also with the journalling I have the idea I don't quite feel them enough or work through the problems enough. That's why tomorrow I start with a psychologist about my problems in the past. I don't think this psychologist (biodynamic psychologist somebody experience with this?) has specifically heard of TMS but what I read from the website she is specialized in treating past/current stressors and emotions/traumas and also believes that the emotions effect the body and works in a way to treat both and find for example the right emotions by looking at body responses. So I think it has a bit in common with TMS and for me I think the learning and looking deeper in emotions could really help me so I am curious about that. Okay and lastly yes the pounder question about whom you hide emotions in life and what's preventing you: I think I hide it for many people but mostly my fater. I live with him and growing up we were learned that fear is weakness, sadness is weakness, if you were angry he got dominant and the more angry guy. Shortly we couldn't really express ourselves so we learned not to do this. In the past year I already realised this and found out that I am really sensitive but can't express it. By the TMS books and this forum I got more comformation about it and that's why I want to work on it now.