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thinking about breaking my addiction. i think my addiction is holding me back.

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by stevow7, Jan 9, 2020.

  1. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    hello all. i have been addicted to fitness and eating healthy for years. i have an obsession with weightlifting and went from (what i can remember) training everyday, to 6 days, to 4, to 3 and now i feel so lethargic that i feel its holding me back. i feel mentally drained, fatigued and have a lot of other stuff going on and i feel the gym is holding me back. sometimes i can't even think straight, want to move and can't work well and always tired. sometimes after weightlifting i get more stressed and anxious. i also get blurry during and after.

    sometimes the thought of going to the gym makes me stressed, anxious and even nauseous. it might also be because i have been doing the same routine for a long time, but that's because i don't have much energy to do more days.

    i no longer find motivation and fun because i have no energy.

    i want to run, lift weight, want to go out and do a bunch of other things, but a few things are holding me back and the two biggest ones are fear and exhaustion.

    fear of doing more and fear that if i stop weightlifting for months and get better why would i lift weights again if i feel better?

    it's my obsession about gym and eating disorder that are holding me back and i think the best thing to do might be to stop working out and eat when hungry and live a normal life without fitness stuff until i get my mind straight.

    but what if i get better? why would i go back to weightlifting if i got better quality of life by not weightlifting? this is fear that i'm having.

    i admit, i have fear and obsessions and the biggest ones are fitness and food.

    i'm in therapy. the thing is, doctors keep saying to keep working out because it's healthy for me, but i keep thinking i'm addicted and tms wants me to keep going to weightlift.

    heck, you guys can see my posts lol, i think i mentioned weightlifting and that it's causing me problems.

    sorry for the post, having a bad day, but it's ok i accept that i have this thoughts and will keep moving forward.

    but is tms really want me to fear the gym and stop weightlifting or is there something else?

    i took a break sometime and when i returned symptoms came back fast.
     
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Well known member

    At the root of obsessions and TMS is anxiety. Until you get your anxiety level lower, it's nearly impossible to deal with your emotions and do the mental reasoning and thought shifting required. I think you're priority right now is lowering anxiety...whether it's through therapy, journaling, meditation or an anti depressant...It sounds like you overthink and overanalyze to the point that it's really blocking you from living. Your fear is fueling the TMS and fueling rumination. It's not the TMS fueling your addictions and fears. The fear and anxiety is at the root of everything here.
     
  3. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    thanks a lot for replying!
     
    miffybunny likes this.
  4. stevow7

    stevow7 Well known member

    update: so around two weeks after i decided to stop training, i had ups and downs, but i’m getting my motivation and interest back to train. i still have the food restriction when not training and even the thought of needing to move to eat more. i do feel more recovered even with less sleep. going to stop training until a month or more. i even dropped 5-6 pounds.
     

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