The Paris / TMS connection

In looking back I realized that all my foot problems started the day my husband and I booked a vacation trip to France for my birthday. With small children at home it is very rare that the two of us get a chance to travel together. The last time was when we went to Italy in 2014. Just prior to the Italy trip I had insomnia and anxiety about leaving the children. I was very excited about the prospect of this huge romantic trip. Now I am seriously wondering if this was the trigger to my TMS? I wonder if we cancel it if I'll recover?

The fear of leaving the children and travelling "so far away"
The guilt for wanting to leave the children behind to have time alone with my husband and adventure for myself
The fear of booking the trip and having to cancel due to foot problems
The fear of getting to Paris and not being able to climb Notre Dame Cathedral (or have the kind of experience I'm hoping for)

Also - I still can't shake the thought that (although I'm a person who has suffered with TMS back pain in the past) that this particular foot problem isn't TMS. I mean, it's my foot - not my back. Also, there aren't any variances of the symptoms. I put my foot down - I get pain. I know, I know, I realize this is a serious problem. I believe in TMS - I know I've had it before, but doing all the TMS exercises I used in the past isn't helping.

 

Desi, this is the conundrum of TMS. I think that a lot of us who are older realize that we've had vague TMS symptoms off and on throughout our lives, but there almost always comes a point, in our much-longer-than-designed lives, and for varying reasons, at which the symptoms reach a crisis. We get vague diagnoses, as you have received (three different diagnoses from three different docs, I believe?) because health professionals have a hard time saying "there doesn't seem to be anything wrong". My diagnosis was "an irritated vestibular system" for unexplained dizziness after all the tests - this was from a dizziness/balance PT clinic, although my primary care MD was, in fact, willing to say "there's nothing wrong with you other than stress". This is what gave me complete confidence in my self-diagnosis of TMS when I discovered The Divided Mind. I had many other symptoms in addition to the dizziness - but they've gone away, whereas the dizziness is the one that comes back during stressful times.

Trying to compare your symptoms to others is not useful, because your brain is capable of creating any physical symptoms that it wants. It will create custom symptoms designed just for you, so you'll keep worrying, which means you'll keep being distracted, and you won't be able to acknowledge and accept the dangerous scary emotions that it is trying to repress.

I think you've probably made an important connection between your new pain and your travel plans. Travel anxiety is a big one amongst those of us with anxiety. I know I have it still, but for my first big European trip "A.S." (after Sarno) I made sure to go into it with a different attitude and outlook, and to remind myself that my symptoms leading up to the trip were TMS (and they were intense). Once I was there, I barely had any symptoms at all during the trip, which was awesome. You can have that too, I expect.

So I think you have to ask yourself: what would happen if you make the mind-shift to believe 100% that your foot pain is TMS? Have the docs said that you are in danger of doing more damage if you go on the trip? If they are unable to say this, then what harm can it do to assume it's got to be TMS? Because with that in mind, you can go to that list of fears and guilt, see how those negative messages are being used to attack your subconscious, and counter each one with constructive and positive statements of truth. And to believe each one. And repeat the exercise frequently during the days leading up to the trip. And breathe and unclench while you're at it.

The tricky part is believing the truth of the counter-statements. It's hard to believe the truth if you have doubt that it is true, right?

Good luck, Desi - Paris awaits!