Still confused which way is correct (or both)

Been researching this allowing method thing for couple months and im still confused which is the correct way to let the body heal and feelings to complete. I have watched alot of Helmut and Sams videos and even they seem to explain it differently sometimes, but i dont have the attention span to watch over 10 minute videos.

So which one:

A: When alarm/trigger/feelings come you feel and notice it, then shift your attention away and not focus on it, and let it be without trying to push it away.

B: When alarm/trigger/feelings come you feel and notice it, and keep feeling and giving attention to it and body sensations as long as its there.

I feel like the A option is easier and simpler because i get a trigger/alarm pretty much every minute. Its very tiring if you have to stop pretty much all the time to feel these alarms for periods of time, rather than just feeling and noticing it quickly and allowing it to do its thing without your focus.

Why is this shit so confusing and hard and there seems to be no clear guidelines.. Thank you if anyone wants to help.

 

I feel the same way. And so do a lot of people on here. I could even throw another wrench in there: Sarno tells you to do one thing, Alan Gordon another, Claire Weekes another, David Hanscom, Nicole Sachs, Dan Buglio and many more. There’s no clear answer because to some extent TMS is personal and unique to each of us—as is the reason we each got TMS, how long we’ve had it, etc. What you have to do is explore all different avenues that interest you— try them out and see what works for you or what you relate to. Sam Miller is one of the new voices on the scene— so you’ll notice a lot of people discussing her on the forum. But that doesn’t mean she has all the answers or even the right answers. (I like her and I’m currently trying her out. I noticed what she says sometimes differs from Helmut.)

It is frustrating because we are on the front lines— we are the ones that are mapping this course of mind body healing. I can tell you the good news is that people are healing from TMS. They are getting rid of it. How you do it will be your way. If you are confused by Sam Miller and you don’t really relate… just move onto another idea. Or, you can do like me— mix and match. I take a little from all sorts of places. There are purists on this forum who will swear only by John Sarno and his methods. Others of us, believe that his work can be complemented with other methods, however this website was founded based on his theories. That’s all I’ve got for you except sympathy for the frustration. Keep up the good work! You’re frustrated because you are doing something. And that’s good.

 

I wonder if the "inner child" work would help. There are a lot of books etc. on that topic. Nichole Sachs' book discussed that in the final chapters. Dr. Sarno's methods seem to work back then and now for those who could recognize the rage and could carry on with their lives. I don't know if modern life has become more stressful in the recent decades or not, but more and more people seem to feel that the triggers come everywhere every minute and unless there is major reset in life there is no way out. However, it is not easy to change or control the millions of external triggers and it is still probably easier to do internal work, and it still is hard as crap! The way we react to triggers are largely conditioned when we are young and maybe exacerbated by continued struggles with modern life.

I have read a few books of Shefali on conscious parenting/family etc., and found her ideas of parenting oneself again interesting. Another book written by a Chinese therapist is also interesting: the basic idea is that the healing comes from deep and authentic connections with others and with oneself.

To me, TMS is a reflection how we perceive ourselves and relationships. Humans want to be connected with other humans to feel warm and fuzzy but also want to do their own things as they wish. Maybe that is why freedom is valued more than life in poetry. But even the loneliest fighter for freedom yearns some nice company sometimes. TMS flares if there are a lot of internal conflicts and it subsides when the internal conflicts are resolved. And the internal conflicts a lot of times are about what we really want (authentic self) vs. what we think others want from us (society, culture, family, etc.). So many times we have to suppress or repress what we really want to fit in and that pisses us off, or we are so scared of what we really want and get triggered and stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode.

 

This is great. And SO true. I have so many thoughts on this lately. I think im going to start a new thread.

 

All TMS coaches have different variations because that is what worked for them. You have to take bits from each and see what works for your own situation.

Sam as much as she tries, over complicates the shit out of it and makes it sound like your sitting through your masters degree and I turn her off within seconds. Helmut is funny and makes you want to listen to him.

When people are in pain, they want a simple approach that they can do, this is why people like Dan and a few others are popular because their approach works and is simple to understand.

What you also have to remember is all these coaches and YouTube channels are just regular people like me and you who have gone through the shit times and come out the other end and they want to share this with people. Although I’m not completely healed yet I can already see myself telling people about nervous system stuff and the fight or flight response.

 

Yeah. I wish Sam and Helmut made 5-10 minute videos with clear storylines. I have an attention span of gold fish i just cant take 30 minute videos with no clear titles or live streams that are 2 hour long.

 

This is why I disagree with the use of the word "allowing." Acceptance used to be the big thing but that was even more confusing and now it's allowing but that's actually just PRT once people start explaining it. The terms are terribly defined and always involve word salad to explain and eventually don't make sense. You don't have a choice in "allowing" your symptoms in the literal sense of the word. They're gonna be there whether you like them or not. Alan Gordon explains it better with PRT by saying you should change how you think about the feelings of your symptoms. That they are not dangerous and just sensations. In my opinion the most important component in healing is the knowledge that your brain is producing symptoms, the symptoms are not dangerous to you, and they are reversible. EVERY success story has that component. All of the psychological filler with self and ego isn't going to set you back but I've never seen one success story talk about any of that stuff. I could go into a bunch of stuff that isn't true about what a bunch of mindbody coaches say but essentially my problem with almost all of them is how they proclaim their way is the only way. It's the wild wild west out there right now where anyone can say anything because it's so new and almost everything works after the knowledge component.

 

John, I’m glad you said this! it does get really confusing out there. And so many mentors have a slight variation— or a big variation— and swear that their way is the only way. But, there are success stories with all kinds of methods. And they all work— if you believe it’s TMS.

 

There is no such thing as the correct way. This is another distraction. However most if not all recovery stories I’ve read have one thing in common: accept and move on with your life. If you can’t do this, you teach your brain to do this. For some it’s instant and for others (like me) it’s a new habit especially if you’ve had anxiety your entire life, but it works. Rewiring your brain is very much possible.

 

OMG yes. I can't sit for over an hour on a video.

 

Our friends here have already explained why it's a trap going after the "right way". So let me just add this: Sam and Helmut, when together, talk about "allow and engage", meaning option A is closer to what they teach.

Sam's Allowance comes from the Somatic Experiencing approach (Gordon's Somatic Tracking also comes from that), developed by Peter Levine in the early 70s. It's pretty much like Somatic Tracking, you curiously observe the sensations in your body. Then he developed Pendulation. You observe the symptoms for a while, and then you change the observation to a neutral area, which he calls "islands of safety"; and back and forth. He developed these by observing animals in the wild, and how they manage to "shake off" stress.

For some reason that I don't know why, Sam's leaving this "island of safety" part out of her approach.

 

Hello, I was just wondering about Sam's Allowance videos.
The first videos that I saw gave me a lot of motivation and encouragement to do the allowance, I also saw some video or read somewhere about surrender.
I tried those approaches for a few days and felt good with it. then I saw more and more videos of Sam and started to feel confused about what actually I should be doing.
That left me a bit confused about what approach I should be use.

 

I find Sam very confusing. She tends to talk in circles. I do think allowance is a good concept. I think you're on the right track utilizing it, don't let the videos confuse you.

 

Sam is hard to understand. Don’t stress about it. You don’t have to do any of this perfectly. And if it doesn’t work for you, move on.

 

"If it doesn't work, move on" is kinda dangerous advice since we know it takes months and possibly years to release all the energies and traumas, and many people according to experiencers don't feel much better anytime soon. And there is also a long learning curve at the beginning. Or what did you mean?

 

It is true that there is no way to actually know if something isn't working because of how long this takes. Someone would have to use only one treatment method for a good year probably.

 

I meant it won’t be easy to stick with a plan that you don’t understand or relate to, so move on to one you like.

I’ll further complicate it to add: some people use more than one method at a time.

 

Did you even read what i wrote? My point was that no-one shouldn't give up too fast because healing with allowing is supposed to take a good while and not something you achieve in 2 months. But who am i to say yet i have not managed to heal my symptoms yet.