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Rage getting older ?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Exxes, Mar 21, 2018.

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  1. Exxes

    Exxes New Member

    Ok weird question. In Sarno's book he mentioned that some people generate anger just because they are furious inside because they are getting older. I'm 37 and I look young except for a few gray hairs so I skipped journaling about this as I didn't think it would apply to me. He doesn't give many examples about this issue so I practically forgot about it. When journaling today I was painfree when suddenly I got struck with an immense migraine, chest pain, hip/back pain and foot pain all together out of nowhere. It was so sudden, so many symptoms I never have (normally just hip/back pain) and so intense that I reread what I journaled about .. what crossed my mind that moment was that I wasn't 20 years anymore despite looking young and I should ease up my life. Now everytime I think about getting older, getting grey hairs or seeing myself as older I get the same crazy and intense symptoms. Apparently my inner self looks at itself as a young person and can't handle the fact I'm getting older. I find this quite funny as consciously I like the charm and wisdow getting older brings. So yeh this must be completely repressed I still can't really believe it. Anyone have or had the same issue ? Any tips on how I can tackle this ? Because of the severity of the symptoms (everytime the thought just crosses my mind) my inner self must be furious and my ego desperate to protect me from these emotions. Consciously I'm actually looking forward to getting older and more mature but looks my ego is protecting the young image I have of myself or something. Something like an identity or midlife crisis ? Never ever thought I would be facing this issue ..
     
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  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    So far so good, Exxes - you're doing great! Now you just need to go a bit deeper to the real fear that all living beings have - the fear that was designed to keep us alive - and that's the ultimate fear of death. Mortality. If we didn't have this intense and deep fear of death, we wouldn't bother trying to stay alive. And if we don't stay alive, we won't get a chance to breed - which is the ultimate biological imperative of all living beings.

    We humans have been saddled with the knowledge of our own mortality, so everything that tells us we're aging is a reminder of that ultimate fate - and that knowledge sets off the deep primitive fear, which our brains then repress.

    It doesn't help that we're coerced by culture/society into thinking that we shouldn't fear death - that's just another source of repression, really. Especially if it's combined with religious beliefs about death and dying and immortality. But don't get me started, LOL.

    I also think that it REALLY doesn't help that we live so damn long these days. The knowledge of our ultimate mortality can be more like a burden the longer we have to look forward to it. I think that could be one factor in the increasing stress that we see in younger people every year. Planning for such a long future is a pretty big burden.

    Anyway, when I was originally doing this work (working through the SEP) back in 2011, I thankfully didn't have to deal with past abuse or trauma. But this one - mortality - made total sense to me (I was 60 at that time). When I simply accepted the fact and told my brain that yes, I fear death and the unknown, and that this is normal and okay, and I won't die if I think about it openly, it was an important step in my initial recovery. It wasn't the only thing I had to work on, but it was an important one.

    ~Jan
     
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  3. fern

    fern Well known member

    Exxes, it’s also possible that you’ve just created an association now. Your brain went, “Whoa, when I wrote about that thought I had pain here and here and here!” And now it could be that every time you have that thought, you expect the pain and it appears. Most of that happens on a preconscious level. I imagine it could be similar to when we attribute food triggers to migraines and IBS. The symptoms can become much more predictable and severe once we “discover” the trigger.

    That’s not to say you shouldn’t do all of this important existential pondering. But don’t underestimate your mind’s ability to create pain where/when it thinks there should be pain! (And in that case the skills from the Pain Recovery Program should help along with your journaling).

    I’m also in my mid-30s and there are some moments when the realities of this finite life begin to creep in for sure. It’s a bit of a paradigm shift, isn’t it?
     
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  4. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    Hi Exxxes. Our primitive nature is wired to survive, therefore, as Jan mentioned mortality is always a factor even if it's not consciously. I noticed subtle changes in my thirties, and much more significant changes by fifty. I'm just getting used to how I look now at 58 and I think I've been sporting this fabulousity for about fifteen years. I'm sorry that this may not help you feel any better. I want to bring to your attention if you think this may be an issue for you than it is even if it's a few grey hairs. We all know acknowledgment is half the "flow". Thanks for bringing this up for me. In this response I know it's more than little for me. Lucky me, once again more "stuff".
     
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  5. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Hi Jan, Exxxes, Fern, LynnS and others. This is a topic near and not-s0-dear to my heart. I think it is a large part of my continuing TMS struggles. I have been consciously dealing with the aging factor for a couple of years now and incorporating this into my psyche as part of my TMS journey.

    I journeyed through life always being the youngest with a much, much older set of siblings (24 years difference between me and my oldest sibling). All are still living except for the oldest and the sibling five years older than I (this leaves 5 of us). Yes, aging is definitely a 'paradigm shift', as fern so aptly stated. When I was in my 30's this reality of aging truly began to creep in. Now, nearly 40 years later I am one of the older ones, (not only on this site). It has taken me a while to incorporate this new, elderly status into my psyche. I even hesitate to use the word elderly, but I think it applies.

    Sage advice, I offer none, yet encourage you to move forward with joy and acceptance. It is good that you can recognize in your thirties that aging may play a part in your TMS. IMO it bodes well for your healing.

    Kindly
    Lainey
     
  6. Exxes

    Exxes New Member

    Thanks people for your wonderful advice, I'm going to reflect on it now :)
     
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  7. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I've had fear of getting old since I was ten. I remember sitting in the car (our parents often left us in the car when they had to attend something like a wake,) and watching a woman use a walker, very slowly, to get across the street. At that moment, I realized that she was once 10, too, and I would one day be like her. It terrified me.

    My peace of mind has now come through realizing that we are "conditioned" to age. Yes, we are biology and biology isn't eternal.
    But, everything in our society tells us when we are "old." From pharmaceutical companies to early bird restaurant discounts. Right?

    My friend who works with Alzheimer patients told me they often move around very youthfully and without aches and pains or slow reactions.
    The reason? They can't remember how old they are or what used to hurt. So, our reactions to aging can again be only TMS. We fear our body changes with aging, so they appear to confirm our thoughts.

    My 92 year old mother told me that internally she still "see's" herself as the 24 year old newlywed. She has survived much, including 3 heart attacks and a stroke.
    I think it's because she doesn't envision herself as someone who is debilitated.

    37 is young. So is 60. I realized the other day that I want to live in a way that I look back and remember these as happy and fulfilled days.
     
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  8. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    So interesting to join this thread. Thank you Exxes!
    The past two weeks I have awakened around 4am with my heart ping ponging around my chest and busting out in a cold sweat: symptoms of women with heart attacks. Have also been exhausted lately after really long, satisfying sleep.
    So, this isn’t what I write off as TMS. I went into the cardiologist and had an echo, EKG and blood work. Am wearing a heart monitor for the next two weeks... and I have to log into an app when the symptoms arise s9 they can see them in real time. I am 64 and have felt young forever. Until last week I did hot yoga for 90 minutes per session a few times a week. My husband asked me to stop after I reported feeling dizzy and queasy. I started this kind of yoga when I was 40!
    Had an aunt die of heart attack in her 50’s and both grandfathers died young.
    I have perfect blood pressure, lipids, etc... and always have. I am not a big worrier about my internal organs failing me. But this got my attention.
    Had the same tests a couple years ago...but I was with two different doctors and felt that I fell through the cracks of information sharing. This time feels thorough.
    Getting old in the wisdom sense is wonderful.
    Having a scare, not so much.
    Rage at the body aging, hell yes. Acceptance is a process for me, not an event
     
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  9. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Bodhigirl
    Hope all goes well. Yes, I agree, acceptance is a process.
    Let us know what your tests reveal.
    Kindly
    Lainey
     
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  10. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    Thank you, Lainey. I am scared. This doesn't feel like TMS. Three weeks of waiting for stress test. That's stressful. (-:
     
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  11. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi,

    Is there such thing as coincidence ?
    Maybe not. Just reading this topic feels like a sign
    Was doing pretty good on my pain last year, but life throwing me big issues the last weeks.
    My fit mother 82 Yrs old took a fall and ended up in a nursing home. She will not really recover.
    The whole event takes a big tole on me now on so many ways
    Sleep problems, IBS again etc etc
    Anxiety
    Nightmare about loosing her,
    But also me strugling about my own
    aging, its like its all going to fast
    I am not ready for this it feels but
    life does not work around that , does it ?
    Want to press to ‘pause’ Button while i figure it all out and get used to things.......,,
     
  12. Lainey

    Lainey Well known member

    Ohh KarinaB, I am so sorry to hear about this. My memory of your writings from past discussions is of you having concerns about your TMS stemming from family of origin issues. This dramatic circumstance adds to your emotional burden even more. Do what you can to stabilize yourself. Sleep a bit more? Walk on a nice spring day for a bit? Find someone to help with chores if possible. It is hard to face not only our own mortality but the mortality of our parent(s). The discussions that never were and may not ever be.
    Be kind to yourself.

    Lainey
     
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  13. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Thank you Lainey,

    Yes the relationship with my mother is
    a complecated one from time to time.
    Now its fearfull to think about loosing here and so hard to see her suffer.
    And its ads hugly to my menopausel strugle of the last couple of months
    Like your sugestions and really try to sooth myself.
    But its hard right now
    Thank for your sweet reply.
     
  14. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    Hi Karinabrown,

    I send loving, soothing, and healing energy to you and your Mother. I believe nothing is by coincidence. You have everything it takes to get through this change. I'm up and down and have to remind myself I'm ready for the next challenge and look for the lesson at hand.
     
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  15. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Karina,

    The speed of events amplifies the fear but remember this is just your brain trying to help you by going into fight-flight mode. You have the tools and knowledge you need to soothe yourself back into a place of calm and rest, and in this state time slows down again.

    I like @Lainey's suggestions and especially echo her insistence that you ought be kind to yourself. This time shall pass and with time you'll assimilate all that is happening now.

    Be strong yet stay supple.

    Sending you my love,

    Plum x
     
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  16. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Hi Plum,

    I am trying to calm myself down.

    Just had an appointment with a therapist, and we talked about perfectionism. And there it was again : me judging my own coping skills, or more the lack of it as i see it myself
    Funny you just mentioned : fight or flight mode : we talked about that too : i told her i noticed in times of huge stress i don’t do either of those : i freeze
    Like i hold my breath and i tense up complete (and i do, and it hurts )
    And when i notice that : than i start judging that : ‘this can’t be good , i should .. etc etc
    Then that downward spiral starts again
    me fearing that pain will got me again
    Will this stuff ever really stop ?

    Thanks for the kind words
    X x x
     
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  17. karinabrown

    karinabrown Well known member

    Sorry excess for sort of taking over your topic : back to that !!...
     
  18. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes. And it will get easier.

    In between the freezing and the judgement is the place to focus. Let your body express the tension, the breath holding and freezing without passing an opinion on it. Instead use soothing words...

    It's ok.
    Relax.
    Breathe.
    Let go.
    I'm ok.

    Stuff like this. Think Claire Weekes.
    Don't worry about the downward spiral, just do your best to slow down the negative self talk until you can stop it.

    I had a moment like this in the shower at the pool today. The chlorine in the water was way too high and it started to trigger an asthmatic reaction. I could feel the first swell of panic and in that split second I changed gears and began talking myself out of it. It worked. The trick is to catch yourself, catch your mind at the moment it begins to negatively interpret what is happening in your body.

    In an organic way this is entirely on topic. Nothing brings home the middle aged persons fears around mortality like our ageing parents decline. It is heart-breaking and terrifying, and to look more closely into that is doubtless very healing. Not easy by any means, but a place of fragility that needs lashings of compassion.

    Plum x
     
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  19. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    This practice is incredibly effective. It is absolutely amazing how powerful self-talk can be. Even if you don't believe it, it's just like smiling. If you force yourself to smile, you will feel better, this is been proven. And if you say these things to your fearful brain, it will will calm down. Combined this with some deep slow breaths, and you're good to go.

    I couldn't agree more. It must be done.
     
    plum likes this.
  20. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    and if you had associated with getting old with having less time to do some things you have not done yet? or if you're worried that if you get old some things you can not do it anymore? I try to make an example .. maybe you are not married and you have no children and if the years pass and you have not had children? maybe this thing could worry you...maybe it was something you wanted and you missed the chance....is there anything that is not at the right place in your life now and what would you do? Is there anything unresolved in your life and you have little time left to do it? and if there is ... you are unconsciously making pressure to yourself?
     
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