Today is talking about meditation and fears. I have meditated before while I had the symptoms of TMS. About 1.5 years ago I meditated daily for a few months and I kinda liked it. I could seperate my thoughts and see them from a distance so I was not my thoughts. I don't know why I stopped guess a bit busy sometimes and then it watered down. I started mindfullness again this week and am hopefull again for viewing my thoughts from a distance. I tried it the way I used to but this is completely gone so I had to start all over which is a minor setback but not too bad. About my biggest fears at the moment: -Snakes, I don't know why, only saw them in zoo's in my childhood but never had any interaction with it but somehow I am really afraid of em. We don't have them here in the Netherlands only as pets but that fear somehow is born into me or something. -My next internship. I am afraid of it because my main symptom came at my last internship. That internship was not right for me, too far away, long hours, no free time, lot of computerwork (I also like to work with hands) and it generated a lot of stress which I recognise. I learned a lot of that experience and also know better where to look for now and how to stand up to the people in the company. But somehow I also got fear of not getting a good enough result ready (I can't work 8 hours a day now) and I am afraid to get sick a lot. I do get sick more than usual especially if I do too much on a day or work to hard or party too hard at night. Then my fatigue really kicks in and on top of that many times I get a bad headache and have to vomit too. (I also got almost everyday the fear of waking up the next day with a headache) -This program not working for me. I know I have to really believe in it but since yesterday when I started journalling I was like am I do it right, shouldn't I do it like dr. Schubine is telling in his book via ISTDP. Can I really work through my problems alone, don't I need a psycholist and then who and the waiting times are long. (I also got a heavy head from journalling yesterday and I kept it through the night to today, now it is slided away for a big part) So these are my 3 biggest fears. I have tried to talk down the third a bit today and it worked a bit because I am only at day 6 and maybe I am trying too hard sometimes and that's also not good but if someone could respond to it, it would be a great relief for me.