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Laugh Breaks

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Walt Oleksy, Aug 29, 2013.

  1. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think we all could use some laugh breaks in our TMS days,
    so I will begin this thread with some funnies and hope others will contribute theirs. Funny photos also welcome.

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
    difference between these two words.

    In a recently held linguistic competition held in London and attended
    by supposedly the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese
    man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5
    minutes.

    The final question was:
    How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED

    in a way that is easy to understand.

    Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and

    FINISHED.

    Here is his astute answer -
    When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
    When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,
    and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are
    COMPLETELY FINISHED!!

    He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old rum.


    Walt here: I think the same applies to women… Just substitute the words
    “When you marry the right man, you are COMPLETE” …etc.
     
    tarala likes this.
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Children's View of Angels

    Some laughs to lighten TMS healing.

    I don’t think these kids will have any TMS repressed emotions.

    These are some children's thoughts on angels:

    There are only two I know the names of - Hark and Harold. (Gregory, age 5)

    Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. (Olive, age 9)

    It's not easy to become an angel. First you have to die. Then you go to heaven. Then you still have to go through the flight training. And after that, you have to agree to wear angel clothes. (Matthew, age 9)

    Angels don't eat anything, but they do drink milk from holy cows. (Jack, age 6)

    Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. They mostly talk about what you did wrong before you got dead. (Daniel, age 9)

    If an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. Then when he lets out his breath, there's a tornado somewhere. (Reagan, age 10)

    Angels have a lot to do and they're really busy. If you lose a tooth, one comes through your window and leaves money under your pillow. When it gets cold outside, they fly south for the winter. (Sara, age 6)

    Angels live in cloud houses. They're made by God and His Son, who is a really good carpenter. (Jared, age 8)

    All angels are girl because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t' go for it. (Antonio, age 9)

    Some angels are in charge of helping sick pets. If they don't make the pet get better, they help the child get over it. (Vicki, age 8)

    This is what I don't get about angels. When someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. (Sarah, age 7)

    Angels work for God. They're there to watch over kids when God is busy doing something else. (Mitchell, age 7)

    My guardian angel helps me with my math, but he's not much good for science. (Henry, age 8)

    My guardian angel is my Nana. She's up in heaven. She got a head start in helping me while she was still down here on earth. (Ashley, age 9)
     
  3. Steve Ozanich

    Steve Ozanich TMS author and speaker

    The difference between stress, anxiety, and panic. Stress is when your wife is pregnant. Anxiety is when your girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when they're both pregnant.
     
  4. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Steve, I love it. Great! I'm really laughing.
     
  5. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    More Laugh Breaks.



    IDIOT SIGHTING

    I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

    I said "May I have large bills, please?"
    She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are
    the same size."

    When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
    IDIOT SIGHTINGWhen my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in
    it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that
    it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS
    IDIOT SIGHTINGWe had to have the garage door repaired.

    The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one
    Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

    He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
    He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used Sears repair since.IDIOT SIGHTINGMy daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave
    the clerk a $5 bill.

    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her
    a quarter.

    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

    She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we
    could not do that kind of thing.'

    The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICEMy daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had
    iceburg lettuce.-- >From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTINGI was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
    airport employee asked,

    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
    your knowledge?'

    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge,
    how would I know?'

    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    Happened in
    Birmingham , Ala.

    IDIOT SIGHTINGThe stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

    She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

    IDIOT SIGHTINGAt a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker
    who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

    our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
    Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
    This was a lunch at
    Texas Instruments.

    IDIOT SIGHTING

    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
    back into itself, and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

    A deputy with the
    DallasCounty Sheriff’s office, no less.

    IDIOT SIGHTINGHow would you pronounce this child's name?

    "Le-a"
    Leah?? NO
    Lee - A?? NOPE
    Lay - a?? NO
    Lei?? Guess Again.
    This child attends a school in
    Kansas City, Mo.

    Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her
    name wrong.

    It's pronounced "Ledasha".
    When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of
    the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

    SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
    If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.


    Below: Our hidden inner strength

    our hidden inner strength.jpg
     
    tarala likes this.

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