I'm losing the battle...

Thank you. Book ordered. I will consider contact administration to get help.

I don't know who Jan is but I'll found out.

I'm seriously overwhelmed by the messages of hope and strength I'm getting from you people, and really am receiving all the positive vibes from you. It's pretty obvious that this is a really personal matter for all of us. Once again: thank you.

 

OK. Just messaged JanAtheCPA.

 

I was talking to a therapist during my healing journey and I remember him pondering a little on what exactly to say to me. Since the things that I find myself doing in life involve a fearless attitude I.e. skydiving, surfing, and general daredevil things he found it hard to find out where my fear cycle was coming from. He asked me what I generated inside when I was doing these kind of things inside. I thought about it and told him it was a kind of 100% feeling of commitment, almost like this pure presence and faith, the feeling is so strong that there is no room for fear, it cannot live in that space of commitment, presence, and faith. It clicked for me. I had mounted all the evidence I needed the extreme pain I was feeling was TMS. The rest of the thoughts were just lingering doubts and fears and what ifs, but I knew that I could use that feeling of commitment to burn those feelings off. So when the rain got unbearable, I didnt let my belief stray for one second, just right to the emotions with all my attention, no room for any of the other BS from doctors, family, friends, or anyone else who was trying to help, but ultimately filling my head with untrue ideas and thoughts about my symptoms that didn't support me. If I felt pain, I would put all my attention to how the anger felt in my body, the anger and sadness was the pain, and my brain eventually got the hint that I realized it because i left no room to doubt it.

It sounds like you have to really make that leap from being mostly sure of TMS to committing fully to the understanding and belief of what is really going on with your health. Let go, make no room for doubt, and get ready to face whatever you need to in order to heal. It is happening, just let go of what is hindering the rest of the process..

Journey well

 

CAPTAIN HOPE!

You changing your handle made me cry.

Thanks for sharing your hope and inspiring me.

 

How are you now? I was diagnosed with FAI cam type hip impingement... and wonder if I should take the surgery road..,

 

Hello, buddy. I am 38 now, but still fighting the good fight. I never stop, I refuse to stop. I do weightlifing, calisthenics, now I am back to playing football (I mean real football or, as some call it, "soccer").

Imagine competing physically against 20-yr old kids in this condition. But hey I'm still here! lol

Pain has better and worse days. I have sciatica, days I can barely move, I have hip pain and now chronic pubalgia on the other leg. But I refuse to stop buddy.

In the meanwhile I have finished my Masters, moved to live by the sea, also moved jobs. I am moving forward and refuse to let this thing control me.

All I can say is: surgery as an absolutely last resort. Hang in there buddy. And feel free to share further details about yourself. Maybe in a new thread?

 

I was re-reading this whole thread. Wow. What a time capsule. Thank you everyone that was kind enough to answer me.

 

I just did this too, @CaptainHope -
It's awesome, isn't it ? Highly recommended!

I'm encouraged to hear you're hanging in there and living your life without going the surgery route. I can hardly believe it's been almost six years. I would also be really interested to hear if you ever engaged with any kind of program or therapy to address the emotional sources of your symptoms. Another six years has only more firmly convinced me that the emotional vulnerability required by really doing the work is the only true road to significant recovery. I have some thoughts, possible suggestions.

 

Too late for me to avoid the surgery route: I had spinal surgery in 2007, at age 21.

I have read a lot of books. I had ups and down. Suicidal thoughts from time to time. I know this is 100% my fault: I am too stubborn to think a professional can understand or help me.

I do agree with your conclusions regarding the mental, emotional, psychological if you will, aspects of all this.

 

This is your brain on TMS. Actually getting something out of therapy requires vulnerability, and resistance to vulnerability is one of the most powerful tools that the TMS brain mechanism uses.

Just sayin'

 

Wow, truer words...