How do you feel your feelings and still think positively?

That sounds like exactly what you need. You didn't get a chance to grieve him the first time around, and I think you need and deserve that chance now.

This really rings true. Later on, you wrote, "(for me, maybe not for everyone)," and I think that our need to either work hard to deeply feel feelings or to merely acknowledge and release them varies not just between people but between different situations that the same person has. For example, I know that there are times when I get hung up on something, and I need to respect and acknowledge the feelings, but then I need to move on. Usually these are situations where my own baggage has invented something for me to feel (I wish I were perfect and baggage free but I'm definitely not!) and and focusing on it would only charge up my neuroses to a truly ridiculous level . At those times, once I've been mindful of my feelings, a better technique than focusing on them might be to journal about the baggage to help understand it better and maybe leave a little bit of it in the next dumpster I see.

At other times, when something big happens like someone committing suicide, you just need to process. People have studied the steps involved in grieving and they can't be skipped.

In the end, like so many other things with PPD/TMS, I see this as a process of discovery. Our PPD is patiently tapping us on the shoulder, letting us know that we have big things that we need to deal with. Our job is to build up our felt sense of our own emotions and our intuition (or, at least, that's how it manifests for me). What I find myself working on and learning about is how to gain a better understanding of what is going on in my emotions and what I need when.

 

Hi everyone,

I find death of anyone a loss. When I know that person, that amps it up. It is sad. My experience with suicide is that it is even more frustrsating because I am questioning why , as well. I am never going to get that answer. If I am sad (and that is one of the toughest emotions for me to get to) I try to "be with it" EG: feel it. I try not to let other peoples inability to get there hamper that. I have my own challanges trying to get there myself. I can only control what I do, not what others are doing.

I don't believe in "mistakes". I try my best every day to live by Miguel Ruiz's 4 agreements. Viewing things as a "mistake" is not being impeccable with my word. I would reword that for myself as "I didn't really want to do that. What did I learn from it? How can I take this learning experience and move on in a fashion that is more acceptable to me". When it comes to feeling feelings and being positive, I try to do both. I have learned from Dr. Evans, and my practice, that when I can"be with" my feelings, I then process them, and they can move on. Instead of ignoring or avoiding and ultimately repressing them. And we all know what happens with repressed feelings. As far as not having my feelings being validated by others, well that again goes back to Miguel Ruiz (as already stated above) to not taking things personally.

When it comes to being positive, I don't believe that is repressing anything. I think it helps me reframe things in a positive way and do positive things to make my life better. Peter Levine calls these positive things "resources". I do not belive that being sad and being positive are mutually exclusive. I do both.

The more I stay in a positive place the more my brain wants to stay positive. The same goes for negativity. It is ultimately my choice.

I am not by any means perfect at ANY of the above. But the more I practice the better I get. I practice by trying to be mindful of what is going on inside me (I use Peter Levine's Sensory Experience and meditation). Then I have a choice on how I respond. Obviously easier said than done. But KEEP practicing. It DOES get better!

 

This is how I am coming to see it as well. The first step to thinking positive is to recognize and feel your emotions. Only until we understand what is going on can we begin to change our thought patterns and think in a more positive manner. I actually like calling the process re-framing more than think positively. It is not something that we necessarily need to think about, but simply need to develop into.

Matthew, thanks for posting this. It is a wonderful reminder about how to see things in a balanced and allowing state. It is very helpful