How can i Break my cycle

Hey Community ,
Im in a bad cycle and dont Know how to Break Out of IT.
I Go to university and try to forget all my pain issues and Body Problems.
It works For some time and i feel better and Went on with my Life.
In those Situation cause of socialising someone asks me Out For a Sport Event.
Im going and The next day i wake Up with pain that lasts a while and makes me depressed.
I get sad than dont Care about myself and anything anymore and neglect my studies.
That cycle continues and IT builds Up and i dont Know how to Change IT.
The situation really messes with my self confidence.
I told my mother but it Made her worried and i dont want to Mess her Life Up cause of my issues.
I cannot afford a Psychotherapy Session, and neither do i Know If it it would Help me.
I Just want to live a normal Life and think because of my issues iam a burden for The people around me.
I dont want my Girl to be with someone that cannot give her a Happy Life in The end.
I really dont Know what to do and i dont Tell anyone but Sometimes i have thoughts about dying.
Im 22 Like i mentioned in my Last Post and i Need some guidance cause im confused.
I read sarno, and all The TMS Books, i Journaled, i Went on with my Life but pain Comes Back to haunt me every time and never truly leaves me.
Sorry For The Depressing Text i dont want to Bring anyone down but im really in Search For Help as im afraid of operations cause they messed Up my hand before .
Thanks For your Help in advance Guys and Girls .
Have a nice one