Hidding feelings for my wife

I hide my feelings towards my separated wife. She got separated in the summer just when I found Dr Sarno's work. It was a hard shock to me. but I gradually got better with my tms. Until a month later, I came to see her phone. She saw another one and had done it a few months before we were separated. At that moment, I immediately got worse. (I come from a divorce family myself. My dad was unfaithful) So it hit really hard. I became more obsessed with getting him away and her back. I start and win her back quietly. However, she had planned a trip to Scotland with him. She said to me before she left. When she returned home, she broke the connection with him. Then we should concentrate on meeting again over time. When she returned home I had some outbreaks as a result of the trip. She did so again. A few days ago she says it should not be us again. She doesn't want him either, she just needs time for herself. A few days ago, I find out she is seeing him again. The feelings of failure and anger towards her, I have held back because I do not want to ruin my chance with her. Hope there is someone who can help me with what to do. Ps we have 3 children.

 

If you are repressing your rage towards your ex wife, it's no surprise that it's manifesting as TMS. You were betrayed and lied to multiple times, so anyone would feel trauma and hurt from that. You definitely need counseling or psychotherapy and some kind of support system. There are realities and emotions that you are not facing. It sounds like you are clinging to false hope since she has separated from you. The first step for you is going to have to be acceptance of the fact that for her the marriage is over. It's really not about this other guy and if she's seeing him or not. It's about the fact that she has checked out of the marriage.

 

The good news is you do NOT have to get your wife back to be cured of TMS! All you have to do is 'the work' e.g. realize that the symptoms and pain are there to distract you from the realm of emotions. I know... I had a couple of TMS relapses during my very painful long and drawn out divorce.... that mess took years. The Pain episodes were weeks. They DID drive me to investigate a lot of stuff at deeper levels

The OTHER good news is You do NOT need anybody to be OK.

Why would you want someone back who was seeing other people while you were still together? ...and what woman would ever really want a guy who would think so poorly of himself that he would take her under any conditions? I'm getting mad FOR you just reading your story.

My wife and I separated in '08. For Four years we kicked around and danced a foolish, childish, painful mambo like the one you're describing. We have two sons together as well. It was uncomfortable for all of us. My sons suffered as well...

She dated multiple people, partied with her wealthy friends and had her 'you go girl!' life. I was unemployed and homeless (it was during the recession). I would have pulled the earth up by it's roots to repair our relationship.... but I didn't have a handle to pull on.
It is now Ten years later. I am wealthy again, live by myself, have a terrific relationship with my sons and am pain free. I also have a Beautiful Girlfriend , My own Place, a pile of guitars and Baseball bats and a Dog and all of the other stuff I couldn't afford when I was married. None of it matters. What Does matter is the relationship with God I was driven to find by my pain loneliness and anguish. I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world. That relationship was a result of the careful inspection that this work prompted.

When I read your story I felt for you immediately as a Brother.... You can either go forward towards life and freedom or back towards????? More anger? Rage? Confusion? Pain?

Freedom always feels scary ,especially when we haven't had any in awhile