I hide my emotions from almost everyone, but a I do a very poor job. Most people sense the hidden anger and sadness. The person I hid my emotions most from was Mom. Mom and Dad taught me my anger, crying, joy, sadness were unacceptable The only acceptable emotion was none. Years later they would say things like, “ I just couldn’t bear it if I thought my eldest son didn’t love me” ‘I would just die” So even as an adult I could never express the truth or what I felt. (obviously they had some Idea) So I stayed away. I am very good at banishing all thoughts of Mom from my conscious mind, but my back remembers. Now Mom at 87 has alzheimer's, no short term memory and a caregiver. I think it would be cruel to tell her what I feel now. I’ve written a letter I will never send to her, but just thinking about this floods me with anxiety.