Healed from chronic chronic back pain.. I Love Myself baby!!

Hey all..!

Some of you might know me ..Am a 32 yr male from India based in UK.. I was active here during the middle part of 2015. Just here to let you know that I have healed 90% from my severe severe back pain. 10 years of pain is coming to an end. I have visited as many as 30 Neurosurgeons, Orthopedics during this period and had nearly 15 MRI scans before my TMS Journey. Actually I thought of posting my success story when I am completely healed but with encouragement from fellow member Tennis Tom, I thought I will share some important tips for anyone who is stuck and not moving anywhere with your journey.. I am just few more days/weeks away from healing 100%.

Anyone who knew me here during my early days here in forum, I was like a person in intensive care unit holding onto life on a ventilator with severe severe back pain. Now I am full of life .. I do most activities and nothing bothers me now. I am here to share some important points.. Let me put all my writing skills which I am known for during my Uni days (wink)

• You have to go on finding what you are repressing.. NO… Instead start Loving yourself… you are having symptoms because your subconscious mind is feeling the hurt, guilt, inferior etc etc. Its not that one incident that caused you the pain. It’s a combination of many emotions which have overflown right from when you are 5 years old . So when you start loving yourself for everything you are rather than everything you are not for you will heal. Search for tips in google. How to love yourself. I promise you will simply heal by loving yourself. Read again.. Love yourself.. That’s enough but over a period of many many months.Once the love is reached your TMS symptoms will disappear. You don't have to go on finding the repressed emotions.
  
  
• Do not expect that you will heal magically one day after that particular journaling .. NO .. you wont heal in few weeks or days.. It took me nearly 18 months to be where I am… If you have had symptoms for a long time healing too takes its own time probably anywhere between 6 months to 24 months. This is the thumb rule you should accept for yourself. Only 20% chosen population heals in few weeks. I came across them too but very few. If anyone agrees to this healing time I mentioned you will simply heal.. Healing takes its own sweeeeeeeeet time.
  
  
• You will heal gradually like from a scale of 10.. it will be like 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 .. NO.. you wont heal gradually Instead you will heal in cycles.. Initially u will feel better at 8 then after few days your pain becomes very intense.. it will move to 10.. after few months u will move to 6 then your pain will move to 9 .. after few months u will move to 5 then your pain will move to 8 .. Intense pain stays only for few days..dont worry .. it’s a roller coaster ride.. Every time if there is increase in pain remember that you are winning.. It took me 6 months to move from a pain scale of 10 to 7 (My first breakthrough) …. You will heal in cycles.. gradually after many many months you will come to 0 .. I didn't go anywhere with my TMS knowledge for 6 months. But in the background it was working.
  
  
• Meditation helps but I never did any. Meditation helps you to hold a thought for long time .. if you hold the thought ‘I LOVE MYSELF’ for longer time with great feeling it will be great in healing.. I never did any meditation .. I quickly realised that meditation is not for me. Instead if you do journaling you can hold a thought for long time like meditation. Its similar to driving a car.. when you are in train or bus your thoughts wander everywhere but if you are driving on your own, your whole concentration will be on road.. similarly journaling will help you to concentrate.
  
  
• While journaling you don’t have to pick a topic where someone has hurt you or an incident .. While it is ok to do that .. My journaling included ‘ I love myself,, I am wonderful human.. I love everything about myself.. I forgive everyone.. Others opinion doesn’t hurt me…… ‘ do a journaling in this manner couple of times a day and go out for a coffee.. hang out with kids, dogs ,.anything that gives you happiness.. Tell all the things you are grateful for.. Write couple of paragraphs. Take your smartphone when you go to coffee shop sit there .. and do free style journaling.

I have so much more to share I will come up with more to share this year at some point in time. .. I promise you will heal simply with the technique of Loving yourself.. You have to realize that its not single incident which is the reason for your symptoms.. So what do you do .. you got to throw arrows (Journaling) in the dark where your target (Subconscious mind) is not known .. when the sun rises (major healing happens) u will see that all the targets have reached the target successfully if you know what I mean.. one day or other all these Loving thoughts/Journaling will reach the target. It seems like the process is not working but in the background everythought is working.. somedays all the good work you have done seems like it came to an end.. its normal..but everything will be alright in 24 hrs to 48 hrs time.. U will heal.. I promise you will heal.. give it time.. again.. time is not few weeks.. many months..

To conclude

• Love yourself.
  
  
• Healing takes its own time ( 6 months to 24 months).. You wont heal in a set period.. accept this fact and plan your life..don’t rush.
  
  
• Healing comes in cycles. Its not gradual decrease. Trust in the process.
  
  
• Journaling helps to hold a thought for long time..
  
  
• You don’t have to pick topics for journaling.. do free style journaling. Go to google.. Type ‘ I am wonderful person’ and type on images and read those wonderful quotes and journal about why you are wonderful person and give evidences to your mind.. ..Every positive thought heals you.. https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=I+am+not+guilty&safe=strict&biw=1280&bih=902&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiq8Z3M77nRAhWHrxoKHV6zBRIQ_AUIBigB#safe=strict&tbm=isch&q=I+am+a+wonderful+person
  
  Similarly google for topics like ‘ I am grateful’ , ‘I love myself’ , ‘I am open minded’

Take help of TMS doc/Guru if you wish . U will find your own ways to heal. Thanks to Forrest for this Forum. I have come across some wonderful people.

Books I read –

John E sarno – First and last book (Mind body syndrome)

Stop reading again and again as it only makes your mind think that you are doubting the process.. move from theoretical to practical by living your life. I had vanished for last year from the TMS scene to master my own techniques as reading more suffering and reading new concepts weren't taking me anywhere.

Steve Ozanich (I read Partially) .. If you have structural doubts read this book. I don’t remember which chapter that is but look for it. Initially it took me long time to accept that discs are not the reason for pain.. That particual chapter has helped.Y
Finally.. Look for Louise Hay's Videos in Youtube for Loving yourself..

I promise you will simply heal with ‘Loving yourself’ Louise Hay concept.. I have so much more to say.. but I will stop here I want to add more for my actual big story which will blow your mind and think newly . Don't make your journey complicated by reading too much .. It is easy when you love yourself.. the layers of hurt, guilt, anger, inferiority, etc just peels of layer by layer which you have accumulated right from your childhood. Needless to say it takes time.. really good long time.. many many months.. Good things will come to you if you wait.

For now Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love yourself.. That is all I can say..

I can confidently tell you that atleast 4000 views in this youtube song are mine over the last 18 months. I listen to this during my tough times of pain and when I am fine too.. sing the song with great feeling. Singing with great feeling and accepting every sentence is the key to healing. There is an actual song but it sounds little dull for my liking. This chorus one is great. close your eyes and sing along with them concentrating on yourself.
My life is back. You can get it back too with if you give yourself time .



I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...I Love Myself...

Give me your thoughts.. that will encourage me further to come back with the complete healing process later this year.

 

Thanks Indimarshall, I agree it has to be an overflow of BS, our minds is saying to us to stop whatever we are doing and it pressed the reset button. We either come out of it more conscious or we can stay as we are. Marisa Peer is another good one to view on youtube. I am Enough, I am worthy of love, I am worthy of success, I am worthy of life, relationships, healing and everything. It went wrong when, in probably childhood, we picked up a belief that we are not worthy of those things, or one of those things and lived our life based on that, and now at the reset we need to accept that is was not true and we have to change.
Dr Sarno solved the problem and one of the most valuable men in medicine today, and his program works it has been proven. End of story. But if we had no untrue beliefs about our lives TMS would have never happened to us. If we loved ourselves, if we did not complain fueled by fear but use love, we would have never got TMS. The fact that we did is a proof that we are ready for a consciousness upgrade and it is not so bad as when we heal, and we will heal following out study guides etc. even psychology if have to. We will come out as a new person.

PS: that song made me laugh, and cry THANK YOU

 

Thank you! What a great success story with a new insight.

 

Hi IndiMarshall,
Thank you for the wonderful success story, and your tips. I have some areas I like in your post.

Dr. Sarno says it is the ongoing personality traits which cause most of his clients' TMS. You point a prevalent flavor for TMSers and it is self-rejection. The opposite of self love. How does the Inner Child feel in an environment of self-rejection?

Thank you for expressing this so clearly, with your own example.

This is self-love is a great antidote to the self-rejection. I think you are the only person posting here whom I have read who so pointedly experienced this as pivotal in their healing, and expressed this simple fact.

This is so true of any learning or realization. So much happens in the background, in its own time, out of our apparent control or awareness.

This echos so much of what I have observed in the TMS working-through process. Each person finds their own way, but the work tends to be a path toward more self-understanding, acceptance, self-acceptance, awareness, love. And since these are qualities recognized by all cultures as evidence of self-development or maturity, the process necessarily takes time and commitment.

I am excited to read your post. Thank you.

Andy B

 

Thanks Andy for the response.

The ongoing personality is the pattern that is repeated from our childhood.
90% of the personality is learnt during the first 5 years when we were with our parents or grand parents or whoever we were with. Pick up any recent incident involving hurt, guilt, anger etc it is the same pattern repeated from childhood. Only change is the opposite person or the whole situation. There is a direct connection. It is same like the religious belief, our religious beliefs learnt from our parents continue till we die based on the neighbourhood we are born into unless some awekening happens..



In Self rejection state the inner child will be hurt, feeling inferior, scared, waiting for others to approve, waiting to feel good only if something extraordinary is achieved and many more of these.

All the inner child needs is love to heal from all the emotions I mentioned above. as simple as that . Thats enough to heal. Imagine if a child is lost in a busy mall and crying. All you give him is care and love till his/her parents are found. Once the child feels assured he will stop crying and start playing. Same with subconscious mind too but it is a pity that mind is slow learner it takes its own time to heal. Giving enough time is the most important knowledge in TMS journey.Every time pain increases that is the time we need to have even more self love because the mind is testing us. After a while it stops throwing tantrums completely.

My pleasure.

 

Nice Zoltan, I agree. I will look into Marisa Peer.

 

Thank you.

 

Your message is powerful. Truly a key insight that we rarely mention: self-love!! The video is one that makes me smile. Thank you for your post and the ideas in it. Peace and LOVE to you!

Marcia

 

I am so happy to read this. I've been on my journey of self-healing for a couple of years now with a big focus again more recently on my pain. I have been feeling overwhelmed with all the reading and putting into practice and trying to recognise my feelings. I am generally very happy with where I am in life so can't quite put my finger on what my pain is linked to. Before I started to focus specifically on my pain I was working hard to improve my thinking. I worked on my personality traits such as worrying what others thought etc. I was just starting to feel self-love AMAZING!!!!!
Now I'm going to continue my journey on self-love and see where that gets me x

 

Thank you.

 

Pain is a classic symptom of Guilt. Remove all the guilt if any. We have to realize that we did no mistake. Everything up until now is an experience only. Never feel that u did something wrong. Everything is an experience. Look back to your teenage years if you have gathered any guilt. I found mine during my teenage years. Even if you don't find any use the affirmation. ' I did nothing wrong in life. everything is a beautiful experience.. I love myself the way I am.. I am not guilty' . Initially it is hard to say I love myself. if you are feeling it difficult to accept it there you have the clue why you have the symptoms. Start Loving yourself till the pain vanishes. It takes time. Mind is a slow learner. Not everyones healing time takes same amount of time. It depends on what level of stress we took. Its like our car insurance. It varies from person to person. Different strokes for different folks..some heal quickly but a good percentage takes a good long time. Keep doing the good work.. You will heal completely with self love. Whatever you repress it all boils down to one emotion. Self Love is the key. When the pain is more do not fear. Fear is the fodder for TMS.

 

I so appreciate these points. I was initially so frustrated to not be able to "heal myself" by following the directions. It's been seven months, and it is as you say. It's taking time, and it spirals around. I have good days and bad days. But the good days are evidence that the problem isn't structural. It's evidence that this is a changing of heart.

 

Wow, Indie, what a transformation! I certainly remember you from 18 months ago, and I am absolutely thrilled by your success, and by your loving advice.

Stick around, we'd love to see more of you!

~Jan

 

Thanks Cara. I am glad you have highlighted the most important part of Healing Journey.
If only everyone who is starting is aware of this we will see hundred's of success stories.

Healing times depends on many circumstances.

• How long were the symptoms present.
• How strong were the negative emotions. A Self harm / Guilty / Anger emotion which was held for a long time can take long time to heal compared to some other emotions.
• Ideally Mind is a slow learner for a many and quick for very few.

Yes the pain spirals around and comes in cycles.. Pain doesn't reduce in a descending order like 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0...

There can be pain after many months of healing.. It is just a test.

 

Thanks Jan. All you supporting team are wonderful.
I see that you are arranging the online meetings. Great work.
Sure I will be around. Give me a shout.

 

Wonderful concise summary IndiMarshall. Thank you. I used to search for that one big thing my subconscious must be hiding that would cause the pain to go away, then finally accepted to was all the things I had already discovered and the replaying of those interactions in the present. Once realizing this, yes, accept yourself and love yourself.

I used to look for the above, waiting for the magical instant healing. Like you, I discovered it's gradual. The instant healing stories are great for promoting books, etc, but very few people heal that way. I would hesitate to even say it takes 6 to 24 months or what the time is related to. It took me over 3 years to get to 98% and less than a year to get the chronic pain state, but I always maintained HOPE. The instructor of a mind body pain course I took compared it to how plants grow. They don't suddenly appear as full grown flowers, they first start germinating in the ground. Then when they are above ground, they have growth spurts and sometimes appear to be doing nothing or withering, but are really always growing as long as you keep looking after them.

I have picked up meditation, but the best meditations I have are meditations on the go.
ie, Bringing myself back to the breath when in stressful situations.
Letting my thoughts pass through my head like clouds, not getting attached to any.
Mindfulness; concentrate on one thing at a time, such as eat lunch, don't eat and read. (ok, well not always.)
When an uncomfortable feeling (pain) or thought or emotion comes up, don't 'run away' from it. Stay with it, observe it, ride it like a wave and don't label it bad.

Make your mind your friend, but don't believe everything it tells you.

And yes, love and accept yourself. Always. And extend that out to others. A 'meditation' to replace negative thoughts our minds like to chatter on about:
"May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I have love and peace."

 

Hi @IndiMarshal,

Thank you for this post. You inspired me to go out and get Louise Hay's book "You can heal your life". I will let you know how it goes. I had never heard of her before this thread.

Thx!
AC45

 

Very well said Eileen.. much appreciated.

 

The key is to apply the 'Loving yourself theory' over a period of many months.

What is the healing time for TMS?
Answer is 'Till you heal'.

Ideally you will see a major shift in the symptoms with in an year. Many try for few weeks or couple of months and give up saying this isn't real.
The biggest key is healing time.
There are plenty of videos available online of Louise Hay. I have learnt all her theories from Youtube only upon a suggestion about Louise's Work.

There are many ways to heal. One such powerful and easy way is Loving yourself. You simply cannot go wrong with this.

Avoid all the negativity in News,
Comparison in Social media that can bring you down.

Add Fun and laughter to your routine during this process. You will heal in time. All the repressed emotions are present in the day to day life.. Identify every negative emotion during the day and question your belief system. Observe that you are carrying your pattern of emotions since a long time.
Say to yourself. I am only an observer of these negative emotions I don't attach any meaning to it. You are not your Negative emotions if U don't attach the meaning. We all are born with only two fears .. Fear of heights & Fear of Loud noise. We learnt rest all during our living. So why fear conditioned emotions.


Good Luck.

 

I listened to my downloaded copy of "You can Heal Your Life" audiobook last week. I hadn't listened to it in 2 years. Some books are worth listening to/reading again and again, like this one. I'm now replacing "I should" with "If I really wanted to I could". Libraries often carry her books.