So, what do you think about "owning" a crappy childhood? I'm looking to "accept and forgive" the various reasons I felt so neglected and pretty much used as a kid. A psychiatrist told me that a lack of bonding in infancy and early childhood is a very common element for adults in chronic or continuous physical pain. In a way, I wish I hadn't heard that. I've had a number of sequential small successes with TMS work, but something new pops up immediately. It feels like more self-punishment to me. The holidays always bring up my guilt-laden, unsatisfying, me-as-peacekeeper, childhood. I even stopped asking for the toy I really wanted because it wasn't going to happen. I remember the first year I decided I wasn't going to my parents for Christmas. It wasn't until I was 29!! I remember how free I felt. So, I know most people had a dysfunctional childhood. The point of this post isn't to play violins. In fact, it's hard for me to write this truth because it feels so immature. I long to be free of all the resentment. A therapist told me "Your parents did the best they could with what they knew." Okay, maybe. I'm not convinced narcissistic people do the best they can for anyone else besides themselves. Thanks for reading this...if you got this far. I'd love to "crack the nut" of this constant symptom thing, and part of that will be getting rid of the rage. Any thoughts are welcome.