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An evaluation of my condition

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Pietro Carloni, Oct 12, 2018 at 6:34 AM.

  1. Pietro Carloni

    Pietro Carloni Peer Supporter

    Hi everyone,
    I would like to take stock of this last period.
    A few weeks ago the psychological approach really worked, I was free of significant pain for about four weeks. In the last episode, in particular, I managed to convince myself, relaxing, that until I could not have faith in the TMS approach I would never have defeated all this pain. so I sat in the chair, I put some classical music and I was in pain, I mean together with the pain and nothing else. I imagined that it was time to face my tension without worrying about what would happen next, without worrying about the thousand things I would have to do with pain. it was a moment and when I got up from that chair, the pain had gone from 8 to 4. and I felt happy, I felt powerful and able to change the perspective in seeing the immediate future.

    I understood that the tension is due to the thousands of family responsibilities (I have two children, we have no relatives and taking care of children is the hardest thing that ever happened to me), which always turned my attention to what I should do afterwards, projecting me from one fatigue to another without leaving space to myself.
    From that moment on I found a strength that I thought had disappeared forever, with enthusiasm I dived into family life and things that I thought were too heavy for my poor back. believe me, I did not have a pain, and even when it appeared I managed to convince myself that it was only momentary and, above all, was only the result of negative thoughts.

    A few days ago, however, I feel tired, a little bored and impatient than my family (one of the children is sick and the other started this year the school and is very afraid of the teachers). Yesterday was a very tiring day and while I was preparing my sons to go to sleep, I kept thinking about the moment when I could relax in solitude. I was intractable, I was angry with them and at the same time I regretted having done it.

    The result?
    In the middle of the night, turning around in my bed, I had a severe pain in my neck. and today I struggle to raise an arm and keep my head straight to look at the PC screen. All the progress made in these days seems far away and the fear of having to face the pain again depresses me and discourages me. Sorry for the outburst, but I needed to communicate how I feel and I did not want to bring the subject home.

    Greetings to all, a hug and a good weekend
    JanAtheCPA and Free of Fear like this.
  2. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member


    When we are overwhelmed emotionally our brain freaks out. This is when you can again relax into it like you did in the chair listening to classical music. You can remind your brain you are safe, this difficult time will pass. I am a childcare provider and the older boy I care for also started school this year. Its caused some sleeping and behavior problems. It takes awhile for some kids to feel safe. Remind him he is safe and that will help prevent TMS for him. And maybe you're subconscious is a little worried about him starting school, so then reassure yourself too. And accept that you feel angry at the disruption, its normal! Someone wrote that TMS comes from a cold civil war within ourselves, I think that is a good description. Keep up the good good work you are doing, you are progressing well.
  3. Time2be

    Time2be Well known member

    I know how it feels, Pietro. However, try to look at the positive. This neck stuff will also pass. Don’t let it come between you and a nice weekend. I understand now better where your stress comes from. You know, the psychologist Winnicott said that a mum has to be ‘good enough’ - not perfect or really bad, just good enough. I hope you can find some comfort in that ....
    a nice weekend to you too!
    Pietro Carloni likes this.
  4. Pietro Carloni

    Pietro Carloni Peer Supporter

    Dear everyone,
    I would like to thank both of them for listening to my voice in these delicate moments.
    The image of the civil war with myself is very fitting for my emotional state during this period.
    In fact it was a devastating weekend, in addition to the pain in the neck appeared myriad of symptoms, starting with headache and gastritis (I had stopped taking omoprazole on the wave of enthusiasm).

    And here I am today, aware that my body is suggesting to me that something is wrong, anxious and impatient. The perception is that he is losing me among the thousand worries and that he has momentarily lost sight of the beautiful things of life. what comforts me and comforts me, however, is that I know it's just a period, because from experience, now, I know it has a beginning and an end, and then all that remains is to work on myself to the best of possibilities and wait.
    But I would like some advice on how to develop acceptance with respect to my state, compared to the new symptoms that continue to appear. and as for panic attacks, I have learned that through the acceptance of one's state we can reduce the intensity of any symptom present.
    Have you accepted your pain?
    How did you do it if you did it?
    How is it possible to feel bad and not constantly try to stop what we believe is the cause of all this pain?

    A heartfelt thanks to you who have spent some time listening to me, you can not imagine how grateful I am.


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