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DontStopBelieving
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DontStopBelieving

Peer Supporter, Female

DontStopBelieving was last seen:
Oct 24, 2020
  • My Story

    Hi there and thanks for having a look at my story. I will try to keep it short which is not an easy thing to do and probably many other story sharers had the same issue because once you realise that TMS can have so many different faces you understand it was with you since an early age. But I will only bore you with the latest episode that opened my eyes completely. It was January 2017, I just started my new job that I was very excited, but terrified, about. After almost 4 years of fighting for survival in a different country I made it, I found the job, THE job, that I could enjoy and I relaxed after almost 4 years of living in tension. The first signs were a sort of vertigo, nausea, no appetite at all, weight loss, weak neck as it couldn't hold my head up, fear, anxiety. The doctor thought it was too much acid in the stomach, gave me pills, I was fine for a few days, the symptoms came back. The doctor said it is Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, gave me pills, I was fine for a few days, symptoms came back. I developed very scary panic attacks, didn't want to leave my flat but all this time I was working because I couldn't let my new boss down. On top of that every month I had at least one cold that just wouldn't get better. The panic attacks were getting worse, I went back to the doctor, gave me antidepressants. I was fine for 2 days and then the worse feeling ever hit me. It was a mixture of all the symptoms together with a new one, a sharp pain in my stomach. I went back to the doctor, stopped taking all the pills, this was now my third month in this mess. She gave me anti-acid pills again. I came home, took one pill and had a serious chat with my husband. He thought I didn't have the strength to get myself back on my feet. That seemed harsh at the time and very hurtful. But now I see it clearly, he was talking based on his experience with his parents that didn't believe in him so he didn't know how to believe in me. That made me love him more. But it was a crucial moment for me. To wake up. All this time it didn't occur to me it could be TMS because I had TMS in the past in the form of back pain and IBS but I always healed thanks to Dr. Sarno's books and other general doctors, I never truly understood what the main issues were actually even though I knew all along that I’m a perfectionist, people pleaser, my father died, he was verbally abusing me and my family as a child, I moved countries so many times, I never had the support from my parents, was bullied in school, craving for independence and success, ambitious, self critic, low self esteem, fighter, and the list goes on and on and on…. What I didn't understand was the impact this had on me in the various moments of my life. My first hospital time was when I was 10 years old, I had headaches that nobody could explain. My body was screaming when I was so young and if you think that your traumatic moment from the past are not as harsh as somebody’s else's that is not important, what is important is the impact they have on you.

    So I joined SEP in March, I found Clare Weekens book Hope and Help for your nerves that was a life saver because I had the audio version and just listening to it made me hopeful that I can do this. I’ve read some other Dr Sarno’s books, and had an assessment by a TMS therapist (only recently though). I started yoga and deep breathing alone in a room with the light of candles and that was when I heard the voice of the scared little girl I was, I reconnected with myself and gradually started changing. I stopped rushing so much, I took breaks to do the yoga breathing at work, I even took breaks during work to write down the feelings I was experiencing, I isolated myself from people to get to know myself better and I said goodbye to friends who didn't appreciate me no matter what I did or said. I also booked my first holiday ever in my life to do alone. And am so much looking forward to it. There are so many things I could write but the answer you are looking for isn't here, it is in you. You have it, it was there all along. Don't get me wrong, I still have symptoms, but they are much smaller and I developed the ability to at least stop and think what it is that bothers me, what is TMS telling me. It is remarkable a change that this makes. I also started confronting people when there is something in the air that I keep bottled up just so I don't hurt their feelings and that made me more relaxed, scary thing to do at first but I’m proud of myself. And yes, I am thinking now, oh my gosh now that I written it all down and posted, will my symptoms all return, will I be able to fight them again? The fear is the worse, we all know it and it takes time to master the courage, so don't despair, there is hope. Always.
    1. MatthewNJ
      MatthewNJ
      WOW, all I can say is WOW! that is an awesome success story.
      1. DontStopBelieving likes this.
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  • My Story

    Gender:
    Female
    Hi there and thanks for having a look at my story. I will try to keep it short which is not an easy thing to do and probably many other story sharers had the same issue because once you realise that TMS can have so many different faces you understand it was with you since an early age. But I will only bore you with the latest episode that opened my eyes completely. It was January 2017, I just started my new job that I was very excited, but terrified, about. After almost 4 years of fighting for survival in a different country I made it, I found the job, THE job, that I could enjoy and I relaxed after almost 4 years of living in tension. The first signs were a sort of vertigo, nausea, no appetite at all, weight loss, weak neck as it couldn't hold my head up, fear, anxiety. The doctor thought it was too much acid in the stomach, gave me pills, I was fine for a few days, the symptoms came back. The doctor said it is Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, gave me pills, I was fine for a few days, symptoms came back. I developed very scary panic attacks, didn't want to leave my flat but all this time I was working because I couldn't let my new boss down. On top of that every month I had at least one cold that just wouldn't get better. The panic attacks were getting worse, I went back to the doctor, gave me antidepressants. I was fine for 2 days and then the worse feeling ever hit me. It was a mixture of all the symptoms together with a new one, a sharp pain in my stomach. I went back to the doctor, stopped taking all the pills, this was now my third month in this mess. She gave me anti-acid pills again. I came home, took one pill and had a serious chat with my husband. He thought I didn't have the strength to get myself back on my feet. That seemed harsh at the time and very hurtful. But now I see it clearly, he was talking based on his experience with his parents that didn't believe in him so he didn't know how to believe in me. That made me love him more. But it was a crucial moment for me. To wake up. All this time it didn't occur to me it could be TMS because I had TMS in the past in the form of back pain and IBS but I always healed thanks to Dr. Sarno's books and other general doctors, I never truly understood what the main issues were actually even though I knew all along that I’m a perfectionist, people pleaser, my father died, he was verbally abusing me and my family as a child, I moved countries so many times, I never had the support from my parents, was bullied in school, craving for independence and success, ambitious, self critic, low self esteem, fighter, and the list goes on and on and on…. What I didn't understand was the impact this had on me in the various moments of my life. My first hospital time was when I was 10 years old, I had headaches that nobody could explain. My body was screaming when I was so young and if you think that your traumatic moment from the past are not as harsh as somebody’s else's that is not important, what is important is the impact they have on you.

    So I joined SEP in March, I found Clare Weekens book Hope and Help for your nerves that was a life saver because I had the audio version and just listening to it made me hopeful that I can do this. I’ve read some other Dr Sarno’s books, and had an assessment by a TMS therapist (only recently though). I started yoga and deep breathing alone in a room with the light of candles and that was when I heard the voice of the scared little girl I was, I reconnected with myself and gradually started changing. I stopped rushing so much, I took breaks to do the yoga breathing at work, I even took breaks during work to write down the feelings I was experiencing, I isolated myself from people to get to know myself better and I said goodbye to friends who didn't appreciate me no matter what I did or said. I also booked my first holiday ever in my life to do alone. And am so much looking forward to it. There are so many things I could write but the answer you are looking for isn't here, it is in you. You have it, it was there all along. Don't get me wrong, I still have symptoms, but they are much smaller and I developed the ability to at least stop and think what it is that bothers me, what is TMS telling me. It is remarkable a change that this makes. I also started confronting people when there is something in the air that I keep bottled up just so I don't hurt their feelings and that made me more relaxed, scary thing to do at first but I’m proud of myself. And yes, I am thinking now, oh my gosh now that I written it all down and posted, will my symptoms all return, will I be able to fight them again? The fear is the worse, we all know it and it takes time to master the courage, so don't despair, there is hope. Always.