Reading your post reminded me of a blogpost I wrote on why we hurt where we hurt.
like you, most of my tension came from my relationship with my wife. After my recovery from TMS, I knew I had to learn new ways of communication in order to avoid becoming disabled again. It was much easier to learn and apply these techniques than I thought.
They made me feel empowered and optimistic about our future together. That was more than 20 years ago and we are still happily married.
I wrote about what I learned in chapter seven of Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain. I also help my client with such issues because relationship issues are a common sources of TMS.
So take heart. There is hope.