If I may, I suspect you are getting confused between the actual rush and experience of an emotion and the labelling, interpreting, thinking part of it.
Emotions are physiological and short-lived. They are embodied. Emotions like guilt and anger feel awful in that moment. After that they lessen and segue into cerebralisations ie. You begin to connect them with people, events, experiences. This is where you make or break them, by your focus. A lot of us get into the habit of spending a lot of time and energy here under the assumption that we are feeling our emotions. We're not. What we are doing, on the positive side, is increasing our emotional awareness and literacy. Our emotional intelligence however may still be that of a garden spade. It is not good or clever to focus on negative experiences or emotions. It makes them stronger. Would you rather wallow in a cesspit or a blue lagoon?
Instead focus on good feelings. Saturate yourself in laughter as if it were sunlight. Nothing puntures negative self-indulgence like a good ole belly laugh. It gives it perspective.
When you see something heartwarming, soak up the details. Fuss dogs. Smile at people. Make silly faces at children when you're stuck in a queue. Stop taking yourself and your life so seriously. The most spiritual affirmation in dealing with your past is "f*** it". There are endless ways of breaking up the turgid, morose bad vibes. It's all gone now and you, lovely shining you, survived. Be proud of that and celebrate the fact that you see that baloney for what it is.
I'm rooting for you kiddo.
Our TMS drop-in chat is tomorrow (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern (now on US Standard Time). It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support, with Enrique as your host. Look for the red Chat flag on top of the menu bar!