**Note: I posted this in the Structured Education Forum and was encouraged to copy it here since it's a "food success" of sorts. Although I'm still early on in the program and in my TMS exploration and healing, I believe it's important to celebrate all kinds of victories.** Whaaaaat!? Thanks to fellow member Archie's post as well as hours of internet digging, looking at old lab test results, and many more hours of self talk I NERVOUSLY went and got a cheeseburger (fitting first meal eh?). Annnnd my low back did not explode in a cycle of muscle spasm and shooting nerve pain that will last for months on end like it used to do when I ate what I "wasn't supposed to eat". In fact, it's been almost a week and nothing has happened at all. I'm recognizing that that my supposed food sensitivities I've believed I've had for years are in fact my own conditioning. Part of me is starting to question how much of the food sensitivities people have (feels like food issues are running rampant these days for people), have to do with conditioning from fear/TMS type stuff...? Food for thought I guess. Which brings me to my Day 8 update. This is wonderful news- no longer do I need to live in constant fear of eating certain things and cross contamination. No longer do I have to be THAT person who people hate to go out to eat with because of my restrictions, no longer do I have to pay premiums on pricy GF & DF substitutes that don't taste half as good, no longer do I have to not try things or be able to get a quick bite out or cook all my own stuff to be sure I'm safe, and no longer do I have to explain to people my life story when they ask why I can't eat this or that. This is literally a huge life shift for me. However, I'm feeling a lot of shame. To be honest, I feel pretty dumb that I made this correlation when none existed. That it took over my life as just another manifestation of TMS. Hindsight is 20/20 and I feel so silly now looking back but I'm trying to remember how desperate I was to do anything to get rid of the pain. I remember when I gave up the foods I felt SO MUCH BETTER so it was solidified in my mind that those foods were the cause of my pain. Now I can see it was just one more distraction my mind was trying to give me, one more thing to focus on so I wouldn't have to deal with the rage/sadness/etc. It was a placebo effect and it did it's job. And now I'm wondering how do I explain it to people- friends, family, coworkers- when they see me eating things I had sworn off? Foods I spent so much time explaining to them how toxic they were for me. How big of a deal I made it. It's embarrassing and although I don't want to lie to anyone, I don't think I should have to tell the world my TMS story if I don't want to or am not ready to. Especially since it is an ongoing story.