Day 40 Wrapping up soon

So after the Friday post about having a streak of 7 days 0% pain, I encountered some emotional issues. I got a bit sick a few days, then my wife got sick a few days after, and at the same time kid slept very poorly the whole week. My wife an I had a small fight during the weekend, I think mainly because we were both exhausted, I was sick and none of us got our needs met. We made up within an hour. Then high stress work week followed.

During this period I had some stomach issues (probably due to the sickness/virus, my son had stomach ache too) and around 25% pain in leg/hip/back. Still quite mild symptoms in contrast to the situation. I cried heavily one day. That helped. I started dealing with some fears about work. That helped too. Then I performed well at work (in my own eyes). That helped too.

Now I´m back to more or less 0% pain again.

This episode I would say is not so strange. Maybe it´s like getting a headache a few days in a row due to heavy work load / stress. I don't mind if this happens, I can use it as my body telling me to slow down and listen to my needs and emotions. I mean, I´m not fucking superman. If conditions get too harsh, I´m going to suffer one way or another. As long as it is not chronic. Maybe sometimes I can handle it purely emotional, maybe some times I will fall back and get some pain symptoms. I will continue to work on my self regardless.

And an aggressive Note:
At the end of Day 40 it said "How would you change this program to make it more effective?". That pissed me off a lot, because that is what I´m doing all the time at work. Making things better, innovating, taking care of a team, improving things. I don't want to do that with the SEP! Fuck that shit, I want to be egoistic and just use it! I don't want to continuously improve everything around me, sometimes I just want to be taken care of. And that is exactly what the SEP has been doing, it has improved me and helped me so much. And right now I need it to be just that, and not get a task to improve that very thing. Thank you SEP, but also I don't feel like improving you right now.

 

This is wonderful! It seems you're in touch with a deep need for self-care and the reason you know this is a deepening self-attunement.

Congratulations on your work Hedger!

Yes. Very matter-of-fact. Nothing to improve here. You're awake to the conditions and how you're likely responding. No self-blame or fixing. Beautiful. This is the way.

 

@Andy Bayliss Thank you for continuing to read my posts and encourage me!

 

LOL, I see that I'm quoting the same thing as Andy. But this is such a key point about doing this work, because this is life. Life will always bring its ups and downs, and our brains and bodies will react as they evolved to react, but our new skills will allow us to recover and move on, as you illustrated so well. It's a beautiful thing.

You've been a tremendous contributor to the forum, @Hedger - just two more "Days" to go, but I hope you'll stick around!

~Jan

 

Thank you for your kind words and support