Would love support! new here, long story!

Hello everyone,

If anyone could help with probably a more complex version of TMS, I would love to hear any advise or recommendation! In advance I will tell you that it could be a long post, feel free to stick around if you want

I have had TMS for 6 years now, it started when I was 17, particularly noticing the pain when I was at my fathers house. The pain has always been in the back, 60% of the time in the lower back, 40% in the upper back.

I am an invidiual who has been through traumatic experiences in childhood, pshysical abuse and mental abuse. This made me feel scared in my own home.

I started having OCD at the age of 12, which is also a 'symptom' of TMS, the OCD was always focused on trying to convince me that I am 'a terrible person' even till this day, I am fully aware of the OCD, but it is still able to make me doubt if I am an okay human being,

At this moment I have been following therapy with a TMS specialist for about 10 sessions (2 sessions in a row once a month), I am working with him on being able to feel Anger inside my body about my parents, at this moment my anxiety automaticly rises to an extreme high amount whenever we go into this subject, but I am really happy I am working on it!

Even though I am working on it with him in a gentle pase, I am mostly in my home, not working or studying, and sometimes I wonder if I could indeedly challenge the pain with the SEP program, or by 'starting to do everything normally, bending, lifting stuff, going to the barber etc.

I was on Day 2 in the SEP, and that evening I experienced a flare up of extreme anxiety, then after that, my fearful thoughts of the OCD were challenging me, and the last version was a feeling of depression, all in just a few hours! the pain was still there, but I notice that whenever I try to 'look into myself and truly stop every thought which goes towards my back' This occasion happens.

I could barely sleep, but tried to accept the state I was in, and remember that one of the main goals for me is 'to be able to feel shitty, without feeling that I am shit' Which I have read in one of Dr. Sarno's books.
The next day I had way more upper back pain, which also occurs whenever I talk to my Therapist.

Even when I am aware that I have TMS, I admit that I feel scared, not just for the pain, but also that I start to feel a bit 'negative' towards myself.

I do still visit Chiropractors, and I do want to stop with it, I am aware that that can't 'fix' it, but they do give me temporarly relief.

I am now in day 3 of SEP, trying to let the pain sweep over me while starting to do daily activities such as going to the barber and going to the gym with light activity, and at this moment I am in an incredible amount of pain. I am wondering if this is for now the right thing and I better keep on going?

My greatest question would be, if I have to wait with 'challenging' the TMS because there might be a higher amount of 'baggage' for me emotionally, or that it is okay to feel such a big amount of pain and that I have to keep on giving it as less attention as possible, while enjoying myself with activities, even though just going to the barber now gives me incredible pain because of the underlying stresses?
I am also sometimes in doubt whether or not visiting the Chiropractor is wise. I am fully aware that this keeps the mind focussed on the 'physical body', but it also relieves a high amount of pain (temporarly), which is maybe a bit kinder towards myself?

I have to admit that I am a bit scared of the intense pain, but also that it makes me feel a bit down-ish, or that it increases my anxiety or negative feelings. But all these things is TMS at work!

Feel free to leave any comment this is my first post, so I guess this is a small 'get to know me' as well

Thank you for reading!

 

First, Cathe, I have to say this is an excellent practice and aim. To not pile onto our already strong sense of rejection. Can we feel the sense of self-rejection or whatever difficulty, without rejecting ourselves for this experience? To me this is self-compassion, and it is a life-long practice to deepen and enjoy. Bravo~!~

I think the good Dr. recommends increasing activity as the pain subsides. Some folks "push through" with remarkable success. This is a process of letting the mind-body know that you are not intimidated. Others allow more time, and I am more in that camp: I did a few steps a day, each day increasing. This was great for me. You are early in the SEP. Give it time do take its work on you. At the same time, why not try a week or two of pushing through, if that is what you are drawn too! Each person finds their own way, right for them.

Welcome to the Forum and SEP, and good luck in your journey!

Andy B

 

Stop going to the chiro! Dr. Sarno recommends against any forms of PT for trying to solve TMS problems because they are created in the mind. I recommend getting massages instead, not to fix anything TMS, but for relaxation and pampering yourself. With massages you will get more bang for your buck for relaxation purposes, helping to lower your sub-conscious RESERVOIR OF RAGE.

Depression is another form of TMS distraction. It's an affective/emotional one rather then a structural one.

Get out of your house and into the the big world out there and you will connect with it and meet people which will make you feel better--we all have the same problems at one time or another. Locking yourself up in your room will give you cabin fever--take a walk, take a drive, get on a bus and look out the window at the world.

As far as physical activity, Dr. Sarno's recommendation is to do all that you can that is reasonable for your current physical shape--don't run out and do a marathon unless you've trained for it, but walk around the block for a starter. In two weeks you can do a lot of physical reconditioning.

A good book to demonstrate how to return to activity, is Steven Ozanich's "THE GREAT PAIN DECEPTION". He had TMS most of his life and was able to overcome it through vigorously returning to exercising.

G'luck!
tt

 

Cathe - Coming from a traumatic background myself, I know how hard it is to struggle with anxiety/depression/OCD, etc. In addition to TMS work I would suggest a book called The DARE Response for the anxiety/panic attacks. It's a paradoxical view on how to deal with thoughts and feelings by allowing and even inviting them to come in (similar to allowing pain in as a protector). You can listen to audios as well which I found very helpful.