Would love a good dream

MWsunin12

MWsunin12

Beloved Grand Eagle
I would love to have a pleasant dream at night.

My whole life, from my earliest memory, I've had anxiety-filled nightmares of being in danger, without a place to be or live, subservient to other cruel or dismissive people, in out-of-control situations, fear of being blamed for some horrible thing.

As a little girl, I always feared abandonment. My sisters took up a whole bunch of attention, and my parents were both very self-possessed. As my mother aged, stories would slip out of her that I didn't know: i.e. I broke my arm at age 3, but she didn't take me to the doctor until days later. As a one year old, I fell from a crib to the hardwoods and had "a big lump" on my head...as she described it. Again, no doctor. There are other stories. I've let that stuff go to the best of my abilities, as there was only one family car...which my dad took...and she was home alone with 3 kids under age 6.

By day I don't spend time feeling like a victim as an adult, but when I sleep, my subconscious opens the hell gates.

I've been meditating for a bit before bed, reading uplifting materials, praying for peace, etc.

I'm sure a dream analyst would have a heyday with my head.

I guess I'm wondering if any of you have anxiety-laced nightmares....and....well...I'd love to move on from them. I envy people who have beautiful dreams.

Thanks all.
 
Well that's a fascinating subject! Dear Marcia, I do feel for you - no wonder you have such disturbing dreams - even that short precis of your early life shows you have such a lot to unpack... That was not fair to the little girl you were. And your subconscious knows it. I'm guessing it's shouting out for the attention and recognition your child-self didn't get, that it deserved.

But I'm not a dream analyst, just someone who has very intense dreams myself, so your post resonated with me! I think our dreams are a way of our brains 'putting out the rubbish'. But I also think they're powered by our emotions, so while our logical brain is asleep, things can get a bit out of control and feel worse or more immediately threatening than they are. I would do exactly what you're doing in terms of putting some 'uplifting' input there too - comedy movies, positive and funny books... just to balance things out a bit. Like the old 'rage-soothe ratio'.

But I hope you can do some work, maybe with a counsellor, or even journalling or something creative, or inner-child work. Sounds like it's time to re-parent that inner little girl who didn't get what she should have had as a basic human right, because she's still sore about it!

Hugs, Cariad x
 
I used to have those scary dreams a lot. I still have them every once in a while, but I view them from a different angle. Dreams are the way of our brain to dispose of emotional baggage. Not that I enjoy those dreams, but once I started welcoming them as a way of my brain to cleanse itself, I started having fewer of really bad ones. Maybe change of attitude would work for you, too?
 
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