Worthiness simply by existing

Homestead Hermit

Homestead Hermit

Peer Supporter
As I'm working my way through SEP, I'm discovering so many reasons for my TMS, especially in the way I've always thought and seen the world. I'm finding many of my thinking has been flawed and am on my way to turning that thinking around in order to heal. Much of my pain is cause from lack of self-worth...

For as long as I can remember I've associated worthiness with DOING. With ACHIEVEMENT. I've always had high hopes for myself, that I was going to do something great in this world! I was going to finally be accepted, loved, maybe even respected or admired! (Of course now I realize it was my way of trying to achieve love and self-acceptance from others because I hadn't figured out I can achieve that by accepting myself).

Now, in my late 30's, I'm a homemaker, no children, and it weighs on me every day that I never achieved all those wonderful things I'd intended. My self-worth is at an all-time low.

BUT...I also believe ALL types of lives are worthy, that ANY life can be happy and acceptable. Maybe Western societal standards brainwashed me into believing I had to DO something in order to be acceptable and now I don't don't know how to feel about myself. I WANT to move in a direction where I can be happy and accept myself as I am, NO MATTER WHAT I do or don't do. BECAUSE I EXIST. And I'm here on this Earth, hopefully for a reason.

Has anyone been here and moved past the pressure to be someone important and successful in order to find simple joy in living life itself? I'm SO ready to let go of perfectionism and goodism in order to just take in whatever MY life has to offer, even if it's a simple, non-exciting life....
 
To me, life is all about growing and living. Not achieving certain goals (e.g., buying a house, having children, getting married, becoming a CEO, etc.) doesn’t mean you didn’t live or grow in many ways!

A big part of my TMS came from me not accepting my personality, repression from past life events, etc. Each of these things left me feeling like I wasn’t going to have the life I’d always wanted.

But I’m still living and growing in so many beautiful ways. Find something that excites you and keep focusing on that :)
 
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I believe we do the harm to ourself trying to always please everyone else. Always doing what society sees as acceptable for us. But we should take time to find ourselfs and be as happy as possible. Although I don’t believe we can always be happy we can sure try to find the happy (best) in everything we do.
There’s a lot of good books out there that have helped me realize all of this. Let me k ow and I can send u the names. Hope u find your way.
 
Homestead Hermit said:
Has anyone been here and moved past the pressure to be someone important and successful in order to find simple joy in living life itself? I'm SO ready to let go of perfectionism and goodism in order to just take in whatever MY life has to offer, even if it's a simple, non-exciting life....
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Yes, I have.

Like @Caulfield, I have never been enamoured with the values that seem to drive so many. I have always been a square peg in a round hole. It didn't bother me much as a young women because my friends were musicians, dancers, dreamers and poets. Most of us were Night Owls accustomed to being unkindly judged by those who had day jobs. (Who do they think keeps the world running in the dark?)

But when I became a carer things did change. I felt my identity shift and gradually the many pleasures and pursuits that fed my soul fell away. Mercifully though, somewhere in those lost years I began to sense something beautifully numinous.

Being a carer meant I was unplugged from mass consciousness in a way very different to my former bohemian life. In harmony with the emotional work of healing TMS, it has taken me into the spectrum of compassionate, loving and nurturing emotions in ways that are intimate yet almost invisible to everyday eyes. There are so many vulnerable people in the world who go unnoticed all the time until you are pitched into their grace. Some of them are masters of self-belief and triumph against the odds. They know they have inherent value despite the way most of the world treats them as worthless. I've learned so much from these bright souls.

Worth is not dependent on what we do or what we have. It is a quality of who we are. Be unashamedly yourself. Shine your light. Know that your sensitivity is your power. The world needs it.

Plum x
 
Caulfield said:
To me, life is all about expanding your consciousness. Not achieving certain goals (e.g., buying a house, having children, getting married, becoming a CEO, etc.) doesn’t mean you didn’t expand your consciousness!
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I absolutely believe this and most of me always has (except when I listen to others and they have other opinions regarding the matter and then I question myself). I figure it's all about spirit, soul, consciousness rather than the physical because we don't take those achievements with us when we die (no matter what happens after we die). Those physical things only seem to be important in this physical life (and even then I question their importance).
 
plum said:
Worth is not dependent on what we do or what we have. It is a quality of who we are. Be unashamedly yourself. Shine your light. Know that your sensitivity is your power. The world needs it.
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Oh Plum, how I've missed your eloquent and inspiring posts! It's something I want to do with all my heart, to just BE MYSELF without regret...but it seems I must get over that fear of rejection first. You said it best when you say the world needs it...the world needs EVERY kind of person whether it knows it or not, whether those people will be accepted or if the world ever even knows they existed.
 
Homestead Hermit said:
Oh Plum, how I've missed your eloquent and inspiring posts! It's something I want to do with all my heart, to just BE MYSELF without regret...but it seems I must get over that fear of rejection first. You said it best when you say the world needs it...the world needs EVERY kind of person whether it knows it or not, whether those people will be accepted or if the world ever even knows they existed.
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Bless your gentle heart. Remember it is the fear of rejection we learn to challenge. Rejection will happen. It is a consequence of daring to be but it does not have to impact upon our self-worth. It can bruise but even bruises, like scars, possess beauty and story. Life needs a bit of rough and tumble.

My personal opinion is that the world desperately needs homemakers. People are so ungrounded, rootless and lost these days. It really matters to create a sense of belonging for yourself and others. If that is not divine work then I don't know what is.

Speaking of divine work I really love the wisdom of Brené Brown. Even if you've heard this talk before it bears repeated listening. It was re-posted here recently:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/i-think-this-is-usefull.18270/ (I think this is usefull)

Honestly we all struggle with vulnerability. I'd worry if we didn't because that would mean it has lost currency. It's like an exquisite pain. One you want to feel but don't want to be seen feeling...if that makes any sense at all. Brené really helps empower in her discussion of courage.

Be sure to have some touchstones too. Be these people, places, pets or pastimes that reaffirm your sense of you. (We're here too, any time you need a hug or a chat.)

Plum x
 
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