Worse before better?

Hi - I am a newcomer to this forum. I have dealt with back issues on and off throughout my life, with the worst episode (before now) in 2005. My most recent flareup began in June 2012. At first I attributed it to P90X. My symptoms came and went over the next several months. An x-ray came up normal - just a little lumbar arthritis - and I was doing okay until a bad flareup in January. Physical therapy seemed to help, and then in mid-March it came back with a vengeance. I began reading Healing Back Pain at my sister's recommendation, then the Divided Mind. I began journaling and trying to uncover/confront my emotional issues/stressors. Lots there, of course. But my symptoms have gotten worse, to the point that the pain in my right leg and hip is so bad that I may need a crutch to get around. I tried some presciption pain meds to get me over the hump, but they made me sick. I am feeling despair now - I want my life back so badly, and I am so tired of this. Any words of hope and encouragement from people who have been there would be much appreciated!

 

Steph,
Welcome to the forum. I am positive you will find the information and support you need here. What is P90x? I would suggest you read through some old threads and some success stories to find encouragement--lots of people have been where you are, and have gotten better!

Good luck on your journey!

 

Hi Steph
I completely agree with Gail's advice. As you read through the old threads and success stories you will find many others who have been or currently are experiencing what you're going through. A chiropractor first suggested there might be an emotional component to my physical pain last fall when my symptoms got really, really bad without any identifiable cause. I was feeling really desperate so I was willing to consider anything, but my extremely analytical brain was not even willing to accept that even possible coming from a "structural" specialist. The day it was suggested to me I went home an emailed an acquaintance who is a psychologist, wanting to know if the theory had any merit. Not only did he agree with the chiropractor, he referred me to a local psychoanalyst who I was only able to afford one visit with, who also agreed with both of them. Both of the psychologists were very up front and candid with their warnings that things would very likely get worse before they would get better when I began examining the psychological component of the pain. They were not wrong. My TMS journey has been, and continues to be a roller coaster. Our psyche is like an onion, there's lots of layers and the absolute most our sub-conscious will allow us o peel back is one layer at a time. Different layers house diferent issues, some are more painful than others and in my experience, the deeper into the layers you slice, the stronger the pain the brain generates to distract you from what has been buried there.
Leslie

 

Hi Leslie and Gail -

Thank you both for your responses. @Gail - P90X is an intense home fitness program. One reason I could never buy the "weak ab muscles" theory of back pain is that my abs were pretty strong when the pain started! @Leslie - thanks for sharing your experience. That's kind of what it has been like for me, over the past few weeks when my symptoms intensified. Last Sunday I started working with Dr. Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain book - kind of DIY psychoanalysis - listened to his calm meditation CD before bed, then woke up hours later in a spasm so bad it drove me to trying painkillers for short-term relief. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) the painkillers don't agree with my system, and so I am rededicating myself to the program. Today's achievement - getting on the exercise bike for a half hour, to get the blood flowing and my mood up. It hurt, yes, but less so with each minute. Heck, there's no truly pain-free activity these days, so I might as well go for the one that increases my endorphins!

I have been perusing these boards, as well as the customer reviews on Amazon, for success stories and to feel less alone in this process. It helps, though, to talk to other TMS-ers directly, and so I am grateful for your kindness and insight.

Steph

 

Steph, you might also try tmshelp.com. They have a separate "success stories" forum with dozens of stories.