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worried about what to do about new symptoms

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by nowa, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    I don't know what to do, should I be journaling more, because after a bad night, my hip and back pain has come back in spades, plus I can hardly walk because my head foreward posture has suddenly worsened, I can hardly walk without falling over. I can't connect it with anything other than the fact that I am waiting for a letter from the hospital with the results of an MRI scan to see whether or not I have got PARKINSON'S disease. I know that this has terrified me in the past, but I thought that I had accepted that it is TMS...

    What can I do?
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hmm, nowa, it seems to me you've been working really hard at this for a very short period of time. Maybe you need to take a break from the heavy emotional lifting and learn more about how your brain is wired to keep you in fear, and try to learn some self-calming techniques. One of the important turning points I experienced was from an audio program called Meditations To Change Your Brain, by Richard Mendius MD and Rick Hanson. It's a combination of lecture and meditations, and it's what taught me to listen to my brain when it's coercing me to be negative and fearful.

    I downloaded the program at a good price from Soundstrue.org, who also sell the CD, as does Amazon. I also once saw that I could check it out on CD from my local city library, but that's probably a long shot.

    A huge part of doing this work is all about learning how to take control back from your irrational fearful brain with rational and constructive messages. Give yourself a break from the emotional archeology and learn some practical techniques for beating this thing.
  3. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    Thank you, I have ordered the cd! but do you think that the deterioration in my posture is a TMS issue?
    I have also just purchased "Hope and help for your nerves" by Claire Weekes, so I will stop reading The divided Mind,which I am finding difficult, and start the Weekes. but I am not doing what I need to be doing on the SEP, does this matter?

    Sorry about all the questions....
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2019
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    If you are truly concerned about a new symptom you need to have it checked out. But there will (or there should) come a point when you get tired of having every new concern checked out. "Deterioration in posture" isn't something I have any experience with, personally. Yet. I'm 68, so I hope not to see that for at least 20 years, if ever. My parents were a bit obsessive about posture, for which I am now quite thankful as I see people younger than me with rounded backs and turtled necks. All of which can be fixed. My trainer specializes in retraining many of her older clients to straighten up.
    Do you mean because I'm suggesting a break? There are no hard and fast rules about how you do this work, other than to not give up, and to be honest with yourself. It just really seems to me like you need to give yourself a break.
    If you're trying to read the chapter about hypertension, forgetaboutit. I skimmed that one and called it good. WAY over my head.
  5. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    but I am 77.. . I am waiting for MRI result for suspected Parkinson's which is scaring me rigid as I write, which is why I suspect that it is TMS
  6. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    I am trying to take a break, but this has come up:
    After another bad night, caused by finding a robin trapped in my flat one dark evening, yesterday, and deciding to leave it shut in my bedroom (because when i tried to get it to fly out of the bedroom window, which was dark, it kept flying into a mirror and hurting itself), so that when the dawn came, it would fly out of the window, which is what happened, but sleeping on a couple of large cushions on the living room floor was extremely uncomfortable and I am still in a lot of pain. But it caused me to remember all the occasions on which I have been bullied, apart from my father's chronic bullying behaviour.

    The first time, was when I was 10, we had left NZ and were living in a sort of bungalow on the Romney Marshes, near a village called Winchelsea, it was a Church School. I can remember being asked to tell the other children about the voyage from New Zealand, A wonderful experience, coming through the Panama Canal and visiting exotic islands on the way. my enthusiasm must have triggered envy in the other children, because they all ganged up on me and my twin brothers, holding their noses whenever they met us because we "stank" and chasing us for the mile and a half we had to walk to get home, throwing stones at us. I became very anxious about going to school, as I, at the age of ten, was the only child in the school to pass the 11 plus examination, which determined your education at secondary school, I was glad that I had passed and could go to a Grammar School. So my mother took me away from school and allowed me to run wild on the marshes until we moved again, this time to Scotland where I went to Stirling High School, where I became known for taking on any "dares" that I was given, I can remember being dared to turn the light on and off in a class take by the Rector, but I can't remember the consequences, I liked the school and the other pupils.

    I can't remember any anger about the bullying, just feeling confusion about why it was happening and the fear that it caused.

    But I am very angry now, how could those lIttle shits have behaved the way they did, and why didn't ANYBODY stop them? and why did my mother take me away from the situation instead of dealing with it?? My F ing father wasn't around (he had joined the Educational Corps of the Army, so was stationed miles away)`and wouldn't have been any use anyway.

    The second and last time I was bullied happened in 2001. I was still very ill from coming off antidepressants and the benzodiazepine Ativan, which I had been taking for 27 years. But I had managed to teach myself to make ceramics my going to an adult education class. I decided to rent some studio space, and got a grant to pay the rent. Unfortunately, at the studio was a young woman who I initially befriended (i didn't know that she had had problems with self harming), and we got on really well, until she had a bad trip on some drug and came to my flat for help, I looked after her for a few days, and explained that the panic she was feeling was a side effect and all she needed to do was to let time pass until the drug was out of her system. which she did, but when we were both back in the studio, she turned against me, and told lies about me so that nobody would speak to me, etc, so that I became totally isolated when I was at the studio, making my life even more hellish than it already was because of the drug withdrawal symptoms that I was still experiencing from Ativan.

    This went on for 2 years until she moved into another studio, where her personal problems got her a reputation fo being a dangerous person to befriend, (and I felt vindicated at last).

    BUT again I felt no anger at the time, I felt miserable but I stubbornly refused to be driven away and eventually became a successful ceramicist (until 7 years ago when my symptoms of fibromyalgia suddenly added CFS, and I couldn't even get to the studio because of my problem with walking).

    I don't understand my lack of anger, I seemed to take it for granted that I should be bullied.

    But I do understand my lack of anger since I have discovered TMS, and this morning I felt it for the first time. Why did I put up with it, why was there no help for me from anybody, and I hope the shit girl is suffering. I would like to smash her face in, if I could get my hands on her she wouldn't need to self harm again..

    I want to find another ceramics class and start again.
  7. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Both of these idea's will heal you.

    The rage portion is Uber important to remember whenever you catch yourself paying attention to the symptoms. That is one of the most important directives that Sarno gave us... I had an imaginary bat and beat a certain guy I know to death several times during my recovery. I had to use every ounce of creativity I have to make it 'real' to my unconscious.
    That Breaks the conditioning and the cycle. It works. Most of us are empaths who tend to be caretakers for others (you and your robin...lol...that's the shit I do) Thinking something like violence or negativity is anathema to us... we have to indulge it to get better.... LATER when my pain was gone, I dealt with it in a more...uh..spiritual? fashion and I now feel sorry for that guy..... but we're using fire to fight fire.

    And, most of us by the time we get here have been run down by the system and are suicidal or worse. We need to get back to what made us happy. For me it was Baseball, Playing guitar,riding my bike. Everybody who is beaten down by the system has given up stuff along the way and we need to reclaim it..ASAP. I was in the batting cages in 3 weeks after reading Sarno hitting 80mph pitches, riding my bike and (gasp) skateboarding...and falling too!!

    I like your impatience. You sound a lot like me... you 'got it' and now want to get better fast. That was how I was. The good news is you are going to get 110% healed... better than you were before. The only downside is I am impatient. Use that impatience for advertising in your own head, deleting all of the old BS and devouring as much information as you can...this is a learning cure and some learn faster.

    If you are bored, In 'The divided Mind' Sarno discovered and studied the works of Franz Alexander... It was awesome learning that this is not a new thing but has been studied and documented for a loooong time. It doesn't work in the business world for there is nothing to sell you...maybe some counseling and a book? A lot cheaper than MRI's and such. No wonder they have poo-poo'd all research into it. No money!

    be well
    nowa likes this.
  8. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    IT was walking for me, if only I could get back to walking, but I simply can't, and i am far more than 3 weeks in... I will take your advice about smashing her face in and the ceramics class, and thank you so much for your brilliant answer!!!!
    Baseball65 likes this.
  9. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    I HAVE had the MRI results, which were normal for my age, but have just discovered that this doesn't rule out PARKINSON'S, apparently the only conclusive result would be from a DAT scan, I Turned down the DAT scan because of the injection required to protect the thyroid, and so now i have got the dreadful worry about Parkinson's back.

    apparently my extreme stiffness and consequent slow movements are typical signs Parkinson's. i am hoping that somebody else with similar symptoms will read this post...

    Since I had bell's Palsy six years ago, i have also developed the habit of drooling from the affected side of my mouth and have also developed speech problems, which are also signs of Parkinson's but i have putting it all down to TMS. I hope somebody can put my mind at rest!
  10. Smokey73

    Smokey73 New Member

    I too am in my 70's and deal with a variety of aging symptoms. I try to treat them as TMS until I am proven otherwise. And even with aging symptoms (which will come whether we worry about them or not) the TMS treatment can only help. It helps me have a positive mindset and gives me courage. Meditation and using a journal are great tools for successful living whether you are young or old, have TMS or not. I think you have found strength to get through tough situations before and now is no different. Use the TMS tools to help you.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  11. nowa

    nowa Peer Supporter

    I agree, and I am sorry that I even posted about my situation yesterday, It was because I had been given a huge nocebo by a psychiatrist yesterday afternoon which caused a surge in my anxiety and a consequent loss of confidence. hank you for giving me my confidence back!!

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