Today’s activity being nothing was really music to my ears, and something I’ve been wondering about a lot myself. I’ve found myself, since stating this program, wanting to “take the day off” from the daily reading, video, activities, journaling, etc. I’ve done so the past two days, not because I was too busy, but just because I didn’t feel like I’d benefit from focusing on my TMS those days. I absolutely agree with what Forest was talking about, that we often have a tendency to work ourselves into trouble. There absolutely is a tipping point, when I reach the peak effectiveness of SEP, but I kept going and found myself falling off a cliff and back into pain, anxiety, so on and so forth. Some days I’ve found myself listening to an entire book on the subject, listening to multiple lectures, having very productive journaling, and some days where I just feel stuck and that I need to disconnect from it entirely.
I appreciate the conversation that happened in the replies to Forest’s video as well. Obsessing over it, trying to get better, can only perpetuate TMS. There’s a strange balance between putting in the effort to reprogram your brain, and doing the opposite of reinforcing negative habits and obsession. It really is shocking how my pain can come and go so easily. Months ago when this first started, I’d play soccer for two hours, intense small-sided games and really pushing myself; I was fine the entire time! But the next day at work I couldn’t stand for more than a minute without pain. My PT would try to tell me I lacked endurance for postural muscles! Clearly he wasn’t actually listening to what I was telling him.
Overall I think I have made a lot of progress in the first week of this program. I’m beginning to identify triggers and confront them, and boy, does basically everything trigger my TMS. Primary things are work and any sort of heavy, awkward lifting. I “hurt” my back at work, so I’m doing my best to tell my brain that work is safe. My “injury” didn’t come from lifting heavy, but obviously everyone gets paranoid about lifting anything with a hurting back, so I’m intentionally doing things I’m a bit scared to do. Have I felt some pain doing it, absolutely, but I must remind myself I’m not injured and I’m not delicate, as when I’m doing it “in the moment” and don’t have time to think, I have zero pain. I hope to find balance as I continue this journey. Maybe journaling only happens weekly, or after a stressful event, or maybe it stops altogether. Either way, I am excited about the prospects for healing my mind through this knowledge.
I appreciate the conversation that happened in the replies to Forest’s video as well. Obsessing over it, trying to get better, can only perpetuate TMS. There’s a strange balance between putting in the effort to reprogram your brain, and doing the opposite of reinforcing negative habits and obsession. It really is shocking how my pain can come and go so easily. Months ago when this first started, I’d play soccer for two hours, intense small-sided games and really pushing myself; I was fine the entire time! But the next day at work I couldn’t stand for more than a minute without pain. My PT would try to tell me I lacked endurance for postural muscles! Clearly he wasn’t actually listening to what I was telling him.
Overall I think I have made a lot of progress in the first week of this program. I’m beginning to identify triggers and confront them, and boy, does basically everything trigger my TMS. Primary things are work and any sort of heavy, awkward lifting. I “hurt” my back at work, so I’m doing my best to tell my brain that work is safe. My “injury” didn’t come from lifting heavy, but obviously everyone gets paranoid about lifting anything with a hurting back, so I’m intentionally doing things I’m a bit scared to do. Have I felt some pain doing it, absolutely, but I must remind myself I’m not injured and I’m not delicate, as when I’m doing it “in the moment” and don’t have time to think, I have zero pain. I hope to find balance as I continue this journey. Maybe journaling only happens weekly, or after a stressful event, or maybe it stops altogether. Either way, I am excited about the prospects for healing my mind through this knowledge.
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