Wonderful news but pain staying.

Hey all. I'm kindof struggling here. Have had a recurrence of mid and lower back pain. Last time I had this was 2 years ago and I healed by accepting the TMS diagnosis. And the time before that as well having been pain free for 12 years. Anyway you know how it is about still having doubt that all this pain could really be structural. Like SteveO I attribute my 30+ years of chronic back pain (with pain free periods inbetween) to two scary diagnoses in my late 20s: not one but two doctors said I had Ankylosing spondylitis which is rheumatoid arthritis of the spine. Then a "famous" orthopedic surgeon said I had "segmental instability". Scared the heck out of me. But as SteveO said ultimately it was on me as I chose to believe them. Anyway I went yesterday to see a nice DO orthopedist. He took X-rays and told me I had one of the best spines he'd seen. In fact he said my disc at L4-5 was like a 25 year olds. He did show me a facet joint at that same level that had a bone spur there which he said was "weird" because usually the disc space would be narrower as well. He said I could try a facet injection. I asked about mid back pain and he said it was probably muscular and caused by muscle spasm in lower back. But he said I had a very stable back and that terminology "segmental instability) was outdated and not used anymore. So. All this is thrilling news because it confirms no "structural" problem. And my pain did go down a lot because it was skyrocketing waiting the TWO hours I spent waiting to see him. It did go down a lot after this news and I went to bed expecting to wake up pain free but alas not the case. I have even been jogging a bit and so went today but still painful to moderate degree. What I don't get is I even have burning muscle pain lying flat on my back. So all this makes sense and I know now it's 100% TMS , so why is my pain not going away???? I hope my learned pain patterns aren't too ingrained by having this for so many years on and off??

 

It's great that you've finally reached the conclusion it's TMS, but that's not enough unfortunately...

I just wanted to lift two sentences from your message...

I'm kind of struggling here.
So why is my pain not going away.

It appears that although you've grasped the concept of TMS healing and want to believe it, you still hold onto an element of doubt and fear. Fear and doubt are the very emotions that trigger our fight or flight response.

There are various means which can aid with the elimination of these emotions, most notably are mindfulness meditation and being mindful. It gives one the ability to be aware of thoughts without passing judgement thus giving an individual the opportunity to break up any obsessive or unnatural thinking.

Best regards

 

I would ask myself, what is bothering me? What is my body trying to tell me? What am I trying to avoid? Or who? Those symptoms are not your life. Pain helps us to cope and prevents the expression of the fear and anger over emotions that are too sad, or powerful. If you don't feel worthy, we internalise those feelings, so accept your feelings, whatever comes up. Love yourself. Hope that makes some sense.

 

QUOTE="Zumbafan, post: 53365,member: 2570"]I would ask myself, what is bothering me? What is my body trying to tell me? What am I trying to avoid? Or who? Those symptoms are not your life. Pain helps us to cope and prevents the expression of the fear and anger over emotions that are too sad, or powerful. If you don't feel worthy, we internalise those feelings, so accept your feelings, whatever comes up. Love yourself. Hope that makes some sense.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Mike and Zumbafan. I have been doing some mindfulness practice and hope to get better at it. You are right about doubt and fear.
This bout came along about a year after I lost my mom. Also a stressful job situation. Who and what am I trying to avoid? Grief and anger. I've been journaling and I would recommend this to everyone as a way of getting at these suppressed emotions. And Zumbafan makes a good point: to accept and love oneself. Thanks both for such insightful thoughts. BTW: not going to get the injection.

 

The power of the NOCEBO! Patience, you still have a TMS personality to deal with and hopefully modify and your daily life--elements of the "TMS RESERVOIR OF RAGE".

It took a long time to develop your TMS--maybe your whole life. It will take a little time for the new information to sink into your sub-C. PATIENCE!

It sounds like you have a good handle on the TMS KNOWLEDGE PENICILLIN.

For sources of TMS see the R-H list:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale

 

Thanks TT. I just think it's strange it took a year to manifest itself after my moms death which was the culmination of over 12 years dealing with her dementia. Now I'm older I'm terrified of the same fate. "Terrified". Hmmm. TMS fodder. Thank you for reminding me to have patience - of which I've always been in short supply.

 

I totally understand, with grief comes a whole spectrum of emotions. I've been processing the same as of late.

It's in our nature as perfectionist to substitute our fond memories with regret, remorse - where we enough, could we have done more etc. It's more about being mindful (and not just meditating), that can bring about change, being kind, compassionate and not being self critical or blaming of oneself.

I think you've instilled yet more fear, in the form of being terrified. Now you are aware, you have the ability to conciously change your thinking.

 

Hi, Mtgal. I hope you will work on the feeling of being terrified that the dementia your mother suffered will happen to you. You are a different person and living a different life. Make it as positive as possible and don't even think about dementia. I'm sure that won't be easy since you watched it in your mother for those years, but try to put that in the past. It's part of living in the present, which is also called mindfulness. If you aren't taking part in the daily mindfulness meditation sessions that are being offered free in the subforum of this web site, you can find some very helpful free videos on mindfulness at Youtube. In a few minutes, I'm going to post a new thread about how to practice mindful meditation.

You believe 100 percent that your symptoms are from TMS, but it can take the subconscious a little while to accept that. Keep telling yourself your pain is TMS psychological and not structural and the pain will stop.

 

Thank you so much Walt and Tom. I will check out the mindfulness info on your upcoming post. I really appreciate your thoughts and compassion. Helps to know we are not alone in this.

 

Hi there, I think I mentioned the mindfulness, you may want to sign up to the mindfulness summit which is currently running. It's on day 4, but I think you can still sign up.

 

Thanks. Where do I sign up for this. On home page of TMS wiki?

 

Hi Mtngal - sign up using the link in my signature line below, or via Mike2014's profile posts (Mike was the one who found the Summit!)

We're also discussing it in a forum thread, you'll see "The Mindfulness Summit" appear frequently on the "Recent Threads" page everytime someone adds a comment.

 

Jan I've already signed up
And done the first 20 minute mindfulness meditation. Really great!
Looking forward to the upcoming topics.
Thank you.

 

I like the mindfulness meditation summit when the experts tell HOW to do it.
I usually find more of that in Youtube videos.

As for fear, there also are wonderful videos on Youtube on how to deal with anxiety and fear.
I think those are two things most if not all of us have and need to deal with. TMS knowledge is the best way I've found to do that.
It takes perseverance and patience. Even little "baby steps" toward healing are important.

 

Good to know Walt. I really liked the 20 minute meditation that you can download. I will look up more on You Tube as you suggest.
And thanks for the reminder about baby steps. I think sometimes we have to measure progress in micro meters!