wish somebody came and rescued me

Out of nowhere 3 days or something ago i notice sounds are suddenly louder. I really try to respond to this with as much certainty as possible but it still is so insanely annoying. Especially the fact that i have no idea why.

I got a gift from my sister and i knew i had to have someone return it because i just didnt really have a use for it. However, it was such a nice gift and i felt absolutely terrible. I waited until the absolute last day to say something about it and then my dad had to cancel plans just to help me return it. I cant go to the store myself; im completely dependent on my folks. I just felt terrible about returning it and terrible about everything. I also had to return a pillow i got for my birthday and i felt terrible about that too. Just the fact that people went out and got something for me and that i then return it…. Soul crushing. I dont give a fuck when people return my presents but i just am not built for this.

I said i had no idea why sounds are louder but this might honestly have something to do with it. Still feels like cope to me but who knows.

Sounds being louder is already annoying as is, but the worst feeling is when a sound isnt too loud but my brain/body still responds in absolute panic. I can consciously think ok this sound is ok but my body will be in complete shock. This is the most scary to me because i feel like i have no control over myself anymore. I really try to convey safety before and after these moments but it still makes me feel a little hopeless sometimes. These intense reactions usually dont last that long but its still scary as fuck.

 

I think this is the main issue - from your other posts you are absolutely terrified of rejection and what other people think. I understand where you are from experience. Clearly from a values standpoint you know it isn't a big deal (otherwise you'd be annoyed that others did it to you), but your values are being hijacked by your fear.

We are social creatures, but we can also evolve with the times. No one likes rejection, but your aversion to it seems to be in overdrive. We aren't living thousands of years ago and the threat of being outcast by society isn't there. I would consider reading the book "The Courage to be Disliked" if you haven't already - it may give you another perspective on this and help you to face your fears