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Day 10 why I don't share my feelings with some people

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Lizzy, Oct 14, 2015.

  1. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    The question to ponder today....I don't share sometimes because people can't handle that someone they care about isn't ok. There is a lot of pressure to be well because there is nothing they can do, and that is hard for them.

    I guess a good thing is that I can learn to chose to let someone share if they aren't ok, even if it can't be fixed. Just let them share how they feel.

    Has anyone else found this to be true for them?
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Lizzy.

    I had severe back pain two years ago and learned that it was not structural but from TMS repressed emotions.
    I told several family members and friends about TMS and they gave me that glassy eye of disbelief.

    I healed doing the SEP when I discovered some repressed emotions from childhood involving my parents divorcing when I was seven.

    It's great if you can share your emotional problems with someone but if you can't, the more important thing is to believe yourself
    that the symptoms are from TMS. Your healing can convince others.

    For someone who wants to share their feelings and you are willing to listen, that too is great.

    I hope you can practice deep breathing, mindfulness (living in the present) and relaxing and finding things to do and think of
    that make you happy.
    Lizzy likes this.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's an interesting way to look at the Day 10 question, Lizzie - learning to let others share, without worrying about whether or not we can fix them. I have historically felt like I had to help the other person see things differently so that they could feel better- something which I remember my ex found rather annoying! Is this part of the goodist personality? Or was I just trying to avoid the negativity? I can see that in recent years I'm less inclined to do this, I'm more willing to let someone talk, empathizing more and advising less. That feels like a good thing!

    Nice catch.
    angelic333 and Lizzy like this.
  4. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Thanks for your reply. I am learning and practicing mindfulness, and it is so benificial. You, along with others here, have been a big part of recovering. I am not done with recovery, but tms is "on the run!"
    angelic333 and JanAtheCPA like this.
  5. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Haha Jan! My husband finds it annoying too! After 30 years it has taken untill reading your reply to "get it". If I want to share without being fixed, why didn't I understand he wants the same thing? I think you are onto the answer, the goodist can't let things be, we fret and worry about solutions. Thanks for your insight on this!
    angelic333 and JanAtheCPA like this.
  6. angelic333

    angelic333 Peer Supporter

    This thread describes my life!
    I don't share enough with others because I often don't believe anyone will really help me. Yet I spend my days trying to help everyone else, even in my career (I am the nurse at a boarding school).
    Lately I am trying to change my focus from, " how can I fix this", to..."I am completely and totally here for you now, whatever state you are in."
    More importantly, I now realize that I have never given this comfort to myself, thinking every negative thought I have about myself must be my fault, every hard situation I am in must be my fault, and if someone in my life is suffering, that must be my fault, too. All the "fixing" I set out to do is a projection, "fixing" others will "fix" me. I believe helping others helps me feel better, but I have been going about it the wrong way!
    True compassion and empathy is the way, fixing does not validate the other's feelings. I have treated myself the way my parents and sister treat me. Not very nice!
    The mindfulness is great because it allows me to be with myself and have compassion without blaming anyone else for my self doubts. None of those doubts are true anyway. They are thoughts I created to survive my childhood. They don't serve me anymore. They are making my life unmanageable.
    All that said, I will be having dinner at my parent's house tonight. The low level lower back and sacral pain I have had for the past several weeks has intensified, I could hardly bend down to feed my doggies this morning. Deep sigh. And the anxiety. Ugh.
    Lizzy and JanAtheCPA like this.
  7. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, angelic. I think your back pain came on from thinking about the visit to your parents. I hope that goes well. Just think positively about it and
    stay out of any confrontations. Maybe bring a bottle of red wine and enjoy some of it yourself.

    I am a dog lover, as you can see from my photo. When I go out without Annie, I always eagerly await being back home with her.

    There are many posts on this web site about how to practice mindfulness. Living in the moment helps keep us away from thinking about or being anxious about the future.

    Here are some thoughts on mindfulness.

    Worry and anxiety self-help tip: Practice mindfulness
    Worrying is usually focused on the future—on what might happen and what you’ll do about it. The centuries-old practice of mindfulness can help you break free of your worries by bringing your attention back to the present. In contrast to the previous techniques of challenging your anxious thoughts or postponing them to a worry period, this strategy is based on observing and then letting them go. Together, they can help you identify where your thinking is causing problems, while helping you get in touch with your emotions.

    • Acknowledge and observe your anxious thoughts and feelings.Don’t try to ignore, fight, or control them like you usually would. Instead, simply observe them as if from an outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging.
    • Let your worries go.Notice that when you don’t try to control the anxious thoughts that pop up, they soon pass, like clouds moving across the sky. It’s only when you engage your worries that you get stuck.
    • Stay focused on the present.Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your ever-changing emotions, and the thoughts that drift across your mind. If you find yourself getting stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment.
    Using mindfulness meditation to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes practice to reap the benefits. At first, you’ll probably find that your mind keeps wandering back to your worries. Try not to get frustrated. Each time you draw your focus back to the present, you’re reinforcing a new mental habit that will help you break free of the negative worry cycle.

    10 Tips to Start Living in the Present

    “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

    One of the best, unforeseen consequence of simplifying our lives is it has allowed us to begin living our lives in the present. Eliminating nonessential possessions has freed us from many of the emotions associated with past lives that were keeping us stuck. And clearing our home has allowed us the freedom to shape our lives today around our most important values.

    Choosing to live in the past or the future not only robs you of enjoyment today, it robs you of truly living. The only important moment is the present moment. With that goal in mind, consider this list of ten tips below to start living your life in the present:

    1. Remove unneeded possessions.Minimalism forces you to live in the present. Removing items associated with past memories or lives frees us up to stop living in the past and start living in the present.

    2. Smile.Each day is full of endless possibilities! Start it with a smile. You are in control of your attitude every morning, keep it optimistic and expectant.

    3. Fully appreciate the moments of today.Soak in as much of today as you possibly can – the sights, the sounds, the smells, the emotions, the triumph, and the sorrow.

    4. Forgive past hurts.If you are harboring resentment towards another human being because of past hurts, choose to forgive and move on. The harm was their fault. But allowing it to impact your mood today is yours.

    5. Love your job.If you just “survive” the workweek constantly waiting for the next weekend “to get here,” you are wasting 71% of your life (5 out of 7 days). there are two solutions: 1) find a new job that you actually enjoy (it’s out there), or 2) find something that you appreciate about your current career and focus on that rather than the negatives.

    6. Dream about the future, but work hard today.Dream big. Set goals and plans for the future. But working hard today is always the first step towards realizing your dreams tomorrow. Don’t allow dreaming about tomorrow to replace living in today.

    7. Don’t dwell on past accomplishments.If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today.

    8. Stop worrying. You can’t fully appreciate today if you worry too much about tomorrow. Realize that tomorrow is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. And since worry has never accomplished anything for anybody, redirect your mental energy elsewhere.

    9. Think beyond old solutions to problems.Our world is changing so fast that most of yesterday’s solutions are no longer the right answers today. Don’t get locked into a “but that’s how we’ve always done it” mentality. Yesterday’s solutions are not today’s solutions and they are certainly not tomorrow’s solutions.

    10. Conquer addictions.Addictions in your life hold you hostage. They keep you from living a completely free life today. Find some help. Take the steps. And remove their influence over your life.

    If you can only live one moment at a time, you might as well make it the present.
    angelic333 likes this.
  8. Lizzy

    Lizzy Well known member

    Your post resonated with me!! I especially like, " I am completely and totally here for you now, whatever state you are in"

    Isn't that what we all want? If we have a problem that can't be fixed, to have support anyway. That is how I want to be for others, I don't have to fix it......some things can't be fixed. And that is true for ourselves too, you can comfort and support yourself. We can be alot nicer to ourselves, and be there, rather than beating or abandoning our inner child.

    Thank you for your comments!

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