There aren't any boundries between us. They do what they want and they expect me to go along with it.
There need to be some boundaries and one of them is I decide what I tell them about myself.
To me that's not really a boundary as it stands right now - it's simply a fear-based reaction (protection) to you not being able to be honest with them. It's like locking yourself in a cage (after being forced into it) and calling that a boundary (technically it might be).
I understand what HealingMe means but I look at it slightly differently (and I agree in terms of not continuing to talk about it that's true - I'm just talking about a one off thing around telling them what's going on) - a big part of TMS and having symptoms is feeling trapped - often because we can't be ourselves and that we are forced to lie/withhold the truth. Obviously there's part of you that thinks it's ridiculous that you have to lie (I understand why you need to and I have great empathy for that - having been in the position myself), otherwise you wouldn't have made this post and you wouldn't have this internal conflict around what to do. This is likely the inner child throwing a tantrum at having to lie, which is then expressed as symptoms.
So the two reasons is why I would tell the truth (or at least part of the truth, you don't need to tell them that it's all their fault) are:
- Like I just said being yourself and not feeling trapped/avoiding being forced to be someone else is a huge part of TMS recovery.
- And also, you might know you have TMS but your subconscious brain is very impressionable/doesn't work on logic. So I think it's risky telling others that you have a physical problem, even if you consciously know it's TMS.
What I would do in your situation (not advice, just sharing my thoughts) is tell them I have TMS and that the symptoms are due to wired neural pathways in the brain/connected to emotions and stress. That's it. The real boundary you have to set is letting that be as far as you go and stopping even if pushed + letting your family feel any way they want to feel about that and knowing that isn't your problem. Let them be offended if they want to draw conclusions (you have done nothing to cause offence - it's your situation and your journey). You might say well this is further suppression, but not necessarily. There's a difference between not sharing something because it's guaranteed to cause an argument or cause offence vs being as honest as you can around a situation (I think the balance is telling them it's TMS but leaving it there - then you haven't lied you have just stopped at an appropriate point to avoid unnecessary argument/escalation - you take the power back here rather than being trapped/dictated by their emotions).
The other thing you might have to deal with (and I had to as well) - is if you tell them it's TMS then they might say something like "well just stress less" or "well you can overcome that pretty easily" - being ignorant to the fact that they were big factors in contributing to it. That will be extremely frustrating/hurt to have to hold your tongue - but it's a big growth point in my opinion to do so. Personally (and not all will have to do this but most will), I had to let go of my family fully understanding in order to heal - I had to allow that hurt and anger but decide that it simply isn't necessary, I can heal and will heal whilst they are none the wiser.
Let me know what you think
